Is it normal to have a sitter at a wedding? Is it rude to refuse the accomodation?

The problem is not the cost of the plate. Everyone realizes that your infant will not be eating filet mignon or running up the bar bill. The problem is that the hosts want an adult-only reception. Because you are aware of that fact, you may either respect those wishes or choose not to attend at all. You would not show up at a neighbor's party uninvited, right? So why would you bring people who were not invited (i.e. your children) to this party?

I understand your wife not being able to be separated from her nursing child, so if that is the case then it would be best for her to not attend the wedding so as not to risk being away from the baby for too long. And if you feel bad leaving her at home by herself, perhaps you should just send a nice card with your regrets as well (though I'm sure she'll be able to hold down the fort on her own for a couple days).

Bringing an infant to a swanky affair when they are explicitly not invited is just really poor form. I know you are not trying to be rude, but try to see it from their perspective. A bunch of adults get together and have a fancy, fun night away from their kids and there you are with a screaming baby on the table. I'm sure the other guests will be just as peeved (and I know from personal experience that that is the case, as my aunt did the same thing with her infant at a family wedding years ago). There's just no way around it. This isn't about money. It's about good manners.

Can you talk your parents into making a mini family vacation with you? You can do some family activities together outside of the time that you are at the wedding and reception. That way, the amount of time that your parents are actually babysitting is minimal.

If the option were for your older children to stay back with grandma and grandpa and for the baby to go with you, I wouldn't care if I were the bride...although I know that other brides would pitch an absolute hissy fit. I would assume that you are considerate enough to make sure that your baby is fed, freshly diapered and had a nap before the ceremony and reception. And I would also assume you are considerate enough to take the baby outside if the baby gets fussy during the ceremony or dinner. Nursing infants are fairly quiet and aren't running around. The biggest disruption from a newborn is generally that all of the women in the family want to take turns playing pass the baby.

BTW, $50 a plate is fairly standard.

I would be leaving the older children with the grandparents for the night and would be contacting the cousin again to ask about the baby. A baby who is still nursing is hardly considered a guest; he/she will not take up a seat, will not run around making a mess, and will not eat anything that the bride and groom have paid for. If the cousin says that the baby cannot come, thank him for his reply and hang up the phone. Then, I would fill out the RSVP card saying that you are unable to come. I doubt they'll ask why and will probably assume it's because you can't bring the baby.

I would wait on the answer re the baby. In my opinion it is 100% reasonable to make exceptions for nursing babies and no other parent has reason to be upset. And no, they don't cost at any venue I've been to. And as you know as a parent, babies don't disrupt weddings if the mother is responsible, she knows when the baby is likely to cry and can take the baby out the back. But of course don't bring the baby without the bride or groom's approval. And as a mother myself, I also 100% support your wife and you not going if baby can't.

So I would maybe go if the baby is allowed, definitely not go otherwise. It's only a cousin, not a brother or sister, so you won't really be missed.

The decision of kids vs no kids is the couple's to make and it really isn't fair to second guess them or judge them. It's fine to be disappointed but it is not fine to ask for exceptions. This puts them in the position of having to turn away a nursing mom with her child. Also, I always think it's being very accommodating when they set up separate provisions for people who need or want them.

You seem to be second guessing a lot of things about this wedding, and the truth is, you're overcomplicating it. An invite isn't a summons. Just decide if and how you want to attend, and then just do it. And if you do end up sending regrets, keep them polite (which I'm sure you know!) but leave the kid issue out of it.

Send a nice card and a very nice gift and stay at home with your children.

One should not impose or beg for a child's presence when it is clearly not the couple's wishes. I've been to one wedding in which a baby sitter service was offered for my then 4 year old and I gladly accepted, not only to have a kid free night, but also to comply with the host's wishes; BUT I would never do that with a small nursing baby.

In all honesty I would not subject a small baby to a grueling 7 hour drive. The baby would be stressed, cranky and it is not appropriate to hand out your precious one to strangers.

Side with common sense and the safety/comfort of your infant child. Stay at home and save money and headaches by sending regrets and a nice gift.

Best of luck and congrats on your new baby

Not having children at weddings is pretty common, and in fact normally the couple don't arrange any kind of childcare - the onus is on the guest to sort their kids arrangements out. so i think its great theyve done that - theyve gone above and beyond to try and make it convenient for people. Frankly you might be disappointed but i know a lot of other guests prefer a child free formal event - including myself!

I can also understand that they can't "cherry pick" which children can go - saying yours can but others can't would lead to hard feelings. So whilst your child might be nursing, if the others arent they would have to pay for each one (and my venue also charges around 50-60 dollars per child). youve put him on the spot asking for a special exception for your child - he probably doesnt know how to respond

Do NOT turn up with a baby unless you have been expressly given permission to do so. i would go by yourself just to say hello, though surely your wife could express milk for an overnight trip?

I don't see how they could charge $50 a plate either for a baby who can't eat. The bride must not like children, huh? It is her big day, so maybe you'd be better off just not going.

My DIL to be, is expecting her own mother to babysit during their wedding. I was floored! I'm the other granny and I came right out and said, I refuse to babysit during my own son's wedding. I always thought it's the parents place to keep their own children in check. But with it being their , my sons' wedding, I thought they should hire a sitter also, but who am I to say squat. :-)

Yes it is normal, and very generous of them. Many couples that don't want kids at their wedding, expect you to find your own way to arrange care. The fact that they are providing a sitter is extremely thoughtful and generous.

It is becoming more common that the wedding hosts provide a sitter for children. This accommodation is optional, you do not have to accept, of course. The other option is to stay home. Do what you prefer. Sounds like you're leaning towards staying home.