How to deal with wife that has gained too much weight!?

Ignore all the slack you are going to get for this because I can tell you that there are issues that an honest person needs to see and address. If I was in your shoes and I lost the weight, I wouldn't want the temptation of the food around me. This would be one issue because I don't want to eat that crap and undo all the hard work I put into losing weight and getting into good shape. I would also want to be married to someone that I have a lot in common with and that person would be interested in going to the gym. I go to the gym 6 days a week and couldn't imagine being with someone who didn't work out and didn't eat right. Also, we are physically attracted to people, as well as emotionally attracted to people. If the guy I fall in love with, put on 80 lbs, and wouldn't take it off, then I wouldn't be attracted to them anymore. I wouldn't want to have sex with them. No one wants to have sex with someone who is overweight, except for another over weight person, and in that case, both people are just settling for the other because they are in bad shape themselves. This is true, controversial to say, but true never the less. If it were not true, you would see more long term marriages in which one spouse is fat, while the other is in good physical shape, and you do not. I would talk to her honestly and tell her that you love her, but you are losing your attraction to her because she has put on weight. Tell her that you are not trying to hurt her feelings, but you can't control how you feel and you are not as attracted to her at her heavier weight. Tell her that you want to work on this together, that you want to work out together, to eat right together, and to be active together. Encourage her to be healthy, see what happens.

leave her, women that gain any weight are not worthy, get a young hot Asian wife who trips your trigger. It will be worth the money the divorce costs so you can be physically fulfilled for life. Set the right expectation up front with the next one about this and your physical "needs". You will be happy after the pain of the divorce

First off, the "I did it, why can't you?" mentality isn't healthy for your relationship. It isn't healthy for her. So before you go on about how unhealthy her habits are for you, keep in mind that the very way you're looking at the situation can do her some pretty serious mental damage. It's scientifically proven that it's comparability easy for men to lose weight compared to women. The metabolisms are just very different in that regard.

Second off, you didn't marry her for her body. Or at least I'd assume you didn't, you seem like an upstanding guy. Support her when she's trying to lose but don't pressure her. You may very well be the reason she can't loose weight. The extra pressure from you wanting her to lose weight so badly adds stress which causes most people to lose control of their eating. You're not helping *her* stay healthy in any sense. Support her, comfort her, and help her. If you want the marriage to work and this is such a big deal to you then the responsibility falls to you to do everything you can to help.

Edit-- You have self control. You have a wealth of it, as evidenced by the weight you already lost. I mean really, you're afraid of her super passive "I'm having some pizza and I'm willing to share it with you" peer pressure? How did you get through high school without becoming a heroin addict?

You already know from experience that the desire to lose weight has to come from within, because you lost 80 pounds. You lost the weight because you wanted to, not because someone told you you should. It sounds like she doesn't want to lose the weight right now, and you are not going to be able to make her want to, it will have to come from within. She accuses you of not being attracted to her because of her weight-have you told her that's true? Or do you try to spare her feelings by denying it?

Focus on yourself and your journey and maintaining the weight loss you've made. If you are willing to let this issue end your marriage, then you will need lay it on the line with her. Tell her that you love her but you won't watch her destroy her health and possibly yours by continuing down this path. Some people might call you shallow or accuse you of being a terrible person, but you have to do what is right for you, regardless of what some people might think.

I told my husband before we got married that as much as I love him, if he gained a hundred pounds I would have a hard time staying married to him because I love him too much to watch him eat himself to death. That's really what carrying around 80 extra pounds is-eating yourself to death. It's not as though she was heavy when you met and now you've changed your mind-she has changed (and you have too), and this doesn't work for you any more.

Tell her it would be fun for you two to rollerblade or run or bike together (the more fun exercises). If she says no, keep doing them by yourself, and every time come home smiling saying how fun it was and how she could come next time. If she thinks you'd only be exercising to get her to lose weight, she's less likely to do it. So if you start doing it first, it's more likely to seem like a fun thing you two could do together.

Remember, exercising in the morning speeds up your metabolism.

Hope I helped!

There is no " kinder gentler " way to get a lard @ss motivated.

If you want results you'll need to use a combination of rewards and consequences.

You'll have to decide what rewards and consequences are appropriate but an example might be " Lose 50 pounds by spring and I'll take you to Hawaii , if I don't see any effort or progress there will be no dinners out or entertainment."

The lazy are not self motivated and need a fire lit under them.

Instead of her focusing on the fact that you're losing the physical attraction for her, try to get her focusing instead of the health aspects of being overeweight. Knowing that her husband is losing interest in being around her is affecting her self-esteem too much, and is probably making it even harder to lose weight because she'll be turning to the "feel good" food that has lots of fats to make herself feel better.

Has she had any children? That can make it harder for her to lose weight. Her age could also be a factor.

Try to talk to her about it again. Don't be a dick about it, that would just make it worse and may make her lose her motivation. I would just encourage her to live a heathy lifestyle. Encourage her to eat good foods, go on runs, work out, all with you. Together.

Also, keep giving her words of encouragement, that'll help.

Nothing worse than someone who has reformed. You were in the same boat as her and now that you changed you have these expectations. You would think you would have love and compassion as you were right there with her, but no, you have contempt and expectations.

This has nothing to do with your wife -- it's all about you. That is pretty selfish.

What about your marriage vow - "For better or for worse" - you're making her weight an exception to the vow you took? Pretty sad if you ask me.

You are very selfish.