uhm .. my family has a problem :/?

Question

SORRY IF ITS TOO LONG :)

well last summer my mom remarried a guy 14 years her junior and 8 years my senior .. im 24.. and him 32 and my mom 47.. any ways i know its none of my business but i have 3 younger siblings who live at home..18 and two 17 yearolds.. my mom s husband has a pretty shady past ( drugs jail and probably murder wouldnt be surprised) we come from an indian  family  but not too conservative pretty chill though.. well the guys a full blown crack addict . and my mom knows but doesnt care ?! .he stole money from my brothers school fees to by coke and she still gives him money. (cus hes too dumb to get a job).. and then she gets pissed then gives him more money sayingdont buy drugs and then he comes home higher than a friggin kite?!  his family knows but say nothing and my moms family doesnt know but they know he doesnt work and they take their frustration for my  mom out on me .. i dont get it .. i mean im 24 and have my own life but my siblings are what worries me... my moms first husband dies from this habit too 7 years ago and its like she doesnt care.. like i dont mean to sound like a bitchh but if this guy dies.. you gonna be a widow AGAIN!! even though its her decision she asked us 4 kids what we thought of them both getting married 2 years ago and we all said we were not thrilled about it considering he called me gross names and called me a prostitute and told me to die when i confront my mom about his problems.. i luve my mom but she makes me sooo angry.. i know i cant be around him and hes around my mom all the time to the point where i wont even go near my mom and shen i want tosee her shes says "WE ALL CAN GO" and then i bow out.. i lived this life for 17 years with my dad and now hes dead and i went crazy... so i dont get when she would do this to us again. i am thinking im gonna tell her that i dont want to be around them both anymore unless he cleans up his habit .. i live at home ( yeah most Asians do lol) but im ready to move out if i have to ,,, i refuse to tolerate her husbands bullshiit..and my moms crap.. and i know my grand parents would freak if i left  but to be honest i couldn't care less what others think ...   so.. what do you guys think i should do? any insight? or ideas on how to go about it? 

please please dont be rude.. i get enough of that at home  -.-

wit beyond measure · Accepted Answer

I am really sorry for all the BS you're going through. Look, I know that people like you and me, who come from traditional cultures, -- I am Lebanese -- find it hard to make such decisions like the one you're about to make. But trust me, it's your life and future that should be your first and basic concern. I understand your worry about your siblings, but you have to be able to help them if you need to. So, you should build your future. There is so much you can do and say to your mom. She is an adult and has made her own decisions. If he is abusive, and if she has been in a series of relationships where she got used to being abused, then she may need more help than you are capable of offering her and she has to want that help. Meanwhile, move out if you can, talk to your mom as much as you can. Ask her if she really approves of his behaviour and ask her if this is the right mentor for your siblings. Try to be there for them as much as you can but always remember that you have to take care of yourself first in order to be able to help anyone else.
All the best

Anonymous · Answer

you can talk with your mother about making changes but she and her husband have to want to change. If it is making it difficult to live and you can move out, do so. If not, try to distance yourself from him and make appointments to be with your mom that are between you and her, so you do not have to be around him. this is a situation that you can not control. and the best you can do is control how you interact and when you interact with you mom and her husband.

If you want to talk more pm. me

mike · Answer

You can't change her.  I would move out.  Make sure you have enough money saved up and a job and move out.  Make your relationship with her on your terms, not her crackhead husbands.

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uhm .. my family has a problem :/?

3 Answers