Fundamentalists: Could I get some help this Valentines?

See, women around here are just too hard to please with too little satisfaction. Given that it's Valentines day and all it's a bit depressing how little sex is to be had.

However, you guys keep claiming that gay guys have all sorts of sex all the time so I figured I'd give that a shot. Problem is, I just can't find a way to get myself aroused by other men. Perhaps you guys could help me since you know all about the choice involved in sexual orientation? I'd be really grateful.

Also, bonus points if you can make me interested in fat hairy men instead of just the typical stud. There's a lot more of the former around than the latter so it'd probably be a lot easier to get laid.