Is this opening paragraph good?

Question

"Jane, how many times must I beseech you to cease with your lazy loungings?" My mother said to me after entering the library. Her tone was swift and without concern for my leisure. "Your father has invited Mr. Granger over for dinner, particularly so he can become acquainted with you. I shan't have my eldest daughter choose to blame false illness as an escape from a potential suitor again. You can close that novel and go and get ready." She looked at me sharply and left the room. Though I knew her rantings were solely aimed at my benefit, I couldn't resist an internal enquiry as to the demand placed upon me. At the age of sixteen, the last thing you crave is a thirty-year old man fawning over you. Nay, you crave adventure, and to explore.

Piratemom · Accepted Answer

I want more details to set the scene - Where are they? What to they see, feel, smell, taste? This whole passage feels very emotionless and cut off. 

"tone swift and without concern of my leisure." A tone can't be swift. It's the emotion in the voice. An emotion can't be swift. I'm also not sure about the without concern line. Feels clunky. I just can't imagine anyone thinking or saying this.

The mother isn't ranting. She's ordering. Big difference. 

The main character doesn't seem concerned at all that her parents are trying to marry her off to a 35 year old man. Shouldn't she be angry, frightened, rebellious? If she really is laying on her backside, reading a book and waiting casually for this 35-year-old to decide if he'll marry her or not, I don't think much of her.

The best line is the last. That one I really like. Finally I have something in common with the main character.

Try writing it again without all the fancy words. Never use a word if you aren't sure what it mean.

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Is this opening paragraph good?

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