What do you think of this short story?

Question

I've written it for a contest. The titles Invisible Magic

Why is magic seen as farfetched stories? I mean to your ancestors the invention of a telephone would seem magical. So why is it thought badly of? Apparently all witches are evil, and cackle, singing their sinister songs under the dim moon light. Of course, they are nothing like you.

I have black curly hair, which falls just above the centre of my back not to my waist. My eyes are grey, not the fantastical greens and blues you read of in stories. They don't sparkle when I cast a spell, nor does my head, my heart or any other part of my body for that matter.  There’s nothing strange about me.  I promise.

When I cast a spell it’s more of a tingling sensation up my arms, to my wrist it almost feels like an electric shock rushing though my veins. I can feel it and you can’t see it. So how do you know anything about me? I know about you. Sometimes I enter your thoughts, why shouldn’t I? You leave the door right open anyone could do it. All your deepest darkest secrets stored in the mind of a seventeen year old girl. Shouldn’t you be worried?

Anonymous · Answer

Yay, but what's the issue here or the point for that matter? Is it so bad to sparkle? Oh wait. Twilight made that official. Never mind.

I still think you need a point though. Perhaps drop some of the rhetorical questions. Does the reader care or should the character care is my main issue. Think it over if you think it's relevant.

EDIT: As Crow says, this is certainly not a story. It barely has a setup / exposition and no climax or resolution. That means it has no *plot...

This competition is testing your ability to condense a story which would probably be about ten or more pages long and breaking it down into just 200 words, which is no easy task. That means quick and decisive sentences outlining the most important descriptions and events. Often this might consist of a slice of life, fragmented memories of the past or a moment in time.

Your story will most likely have only one or two settings at the most and very few characters (often only one or two) due to the short length of the plot. It might also play with hidden symbols and themes in order to create tension or intrigue. Very short stories sometimes end on cliffhangers because there is just not enough time to expand on the story, etc. This is not always the case though.

Here is some wiki articles for you on narrative plot which you can read through:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narrative_structure
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plot_%28narrative%29

Here are also some hyper-short stories for interest sake. Set-up, climax and resolution are often merged into one other making it difficult to decide whether it even has a plot to begin with.

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/14.11/sixwords.html

Ernest Hemingway was probably the father of very short stories. Here is a story by Ernest Hemingway entitled: "A very short story". It is longer than your word count, but you can get a basic idea from it.

http://records.viu.ca/~lanes/english/hemngway/vershort.htm

Lucy Squires · Answer

WOW reeeallly good. Honestly one of the best I've read on here. Grammar/syntax is good and it is genuinely engaging and interesting. Only thing I would say is it's a little too short? I actually would like to read more! But I don't know what the word limit for this contest is? Keep it up it's honestly great.

. · Answer

Your character is a vapid and obvious self insert. Try harder next time. 

Your writing style is garbage also. Read a book for once and actually adopt some proper technique. Otherwise, you're doomed.

You didn't actually think this could get published, did you? lel

The Answerer · Answer

WOW i love it u r going to win i luv writing

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What do you think of this short story?

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