Is a potluck wedding tacky?

There is so much wrong with this wedding I'm not even sure where to begin.

1. Fourth weddings should be scaled back. My mom was married four times and the last wedding was a court house ceremony with a couple friends, and myself. They took us out for lunch at nice restaurant after.

2. Since this is her 4th marriage she should scale back the bridesmaids dresses, or pick up the tab if she wants them in $200 dresses. Who can even afford that, especially for someones 4th marriage.

3. She should not register for gifts after the first wedding. As many times as she has been married she should have enough stuff between her and the new guy to set up a couple households.

4.Most country clubs will only allow the person to use their food only. Potluck weddings are tacky in general, especially in a fancy country club.

5.You do not put out a jar asking guests to fund their vacation. That is beyond tacky. You are that people will be turned off and won't show. i wouldn't.

Yes, it will be very off-putting to the guests.

The only way a potluck wedding can work is if it's a very low key affair, in someone's home or backyard and this is a locally accepted thing. The thought is, if you can afford all these expensive trappings, why can't you kick in for a few appetizers and some punch and cake? I think your friend is going to get negative remarks anyway, this being her 4th marriage and her wearing a showy white wedding gown and registering and all.

EDIT: The other thing is, it's not actually likely that the country club will allow her to bring in outside food to the exclusion of their own catering, so this might not ever come up in reality anyway. Hope for that.

Of course it's tacky, but I don't see how her plan would even work. Country clubs almost never let people bring in their own food, and it sounds like the wedding is still being held there? And I'm lmao at a potluck for 150. Even if these were ok for a wedding, they still need to be managed. Potlucks were never meant for a massive crowd. What if 100 of them bring baked beans?

I also don't get why you'd be "afraid" people won't come. With this being her 4th marriage, at some point people are going to get tired of giving her gifts. And that's as it should be.

It is extremely tacky in this situation!! Having a pot luck wedding at a fancy country club with expensive dress, bouquet, invites and decor?Sound like she went over budget but she really should have thought of that before. Every one is going to be offended and appalled once they walk in and see everything is fancy..... no one will be impressed like i'm sure she was hoping for. A pot luck wedding is only acceptable when:

1. There are less than 50 guests

2. They are done at a park, home or small church

3.You cannot go over the you on any aspect of the wedding

4. Your budget absolutely requires it

5. And you never ask for a gift, food and honey moon money

Your friend made her bed and now she has to lay in it!

that is really just about the most tacky and pretentious thing i have ever heard a bride think of doing.

first of all, most country clubs insist on providing their own catering so i cannot imagine them allowing such a thing. this woman may be totally out of touch with reality here. before you say anything to her about this, call the country club and ask them if it would even by allowed because as a wedding planner in this business for years, i have never heard of a country club which would allow home perpared food to be brought to the wedding. there are issues like food poisoning and the country club's liability insurance here.

secondly for a fourth marriage, this is way over the top to start with and to add a request for guests to bring their own food is going to cause her to be a laughing stock. there is no way that any quest is going to be willing or able to make a casserole big enough to feed 150 people. this is simply not done and she is way out of line to even think of it.

thirdly, the honeymoon donation box is okay if she removed the words "honeymoon donations and just put out a nicely decorated box to hold people's gift card. some people will give her money instead of going out to buy a gift, so there is nothing wrong with putting a card box on the gift table, but it is beyond rude and tacky to label it a honeymoon donation box.

This is beyond tacky. I see why this chick has been married 4 times...and counting. A wedding reception is supposed to be the bride and groom saying thank you to the guests not an opportunity to drain the guests dry. Potluck dish and a gift. Honeymoon Donation Box??!! Is she kidding? I would refuse to attend.

First of all she needs to call the country club to find out if they will even allow it. Most won't. They have their own catering and probably demand one uses them or choose from a list of approved restaurants and providers. Also, if she's spending money on her gown, flowers, etc. then she can afford to host her guests after the wedding. A reception is a party to thank her guests for coming to the wedding. It's not really one for the focus on her and the groom (whom interestingly is not even mentioned in this whole post!). She cannot thank her guests and then demand things from them.

In general, I feel the whole tacky/not tacky issue comes down to context. In this context, a potluck is definitely tacky. But that shouldn't be surprising given that the entire wedding is riddled with oodles of tacky/trashy/inappropriate ideas. One more awful faux pas isn't going to make much of a difference at this point. People will be turned off. Guests will likely react negatively. But, hey, what are you going to do? This is the bride's fourth marriage. At this point, she should know better and is actively choosing to ignore basic etiquette. The bride's bad choices reflect her character, not the character of other people involved in the bridal party. Take a step back, smile and nod, and let the bride deal with the consequences of her own actions.

Wow, from a guest's perspective this is way beyond rude.....It's Insult ( demands the guests feed her and themselves) added to Injury ( and on top of this tackiness a gift demand?) with a large dose of salt rubbed into the wound ( a collections/donation box for a vacation SHE and her new husband SHOULD be paying for themselves.....

Does not matter the venue...in any setting this is crass, crude, rude, trashy and tacky....if guests OFFER to join in on a pot luck, then that is one thing but she can NOT demand or require her guests to feed her and themselves at HER party...demand gifts when they are OPTIONAL, and expect others to pay for her first vacation as a married woman-which is what the honeymoon is.

Guests should decline and skip this Bull Crap. Or everybody gets together and brings potato chips, baloney sandwiches, and PB & J sandwiches...and strawberry Kool-Aid...and everyone gifts her with a book on etiquette...EVERYONE. One penny per guest for the 'Honeymoon Shake Down Jar'....

It's pretty inconvenient for her guests. I mean for the out of town ones, they'd be lucky to even bring a gift, but a dish as well. No way it'd keep while traveling for hours. Also people come to a wedding expecting a meal. To not provide one is pretty rude. I mean if it's about budget, she can maybe change the menu to a smaller one or maybe do a buffet dinner, which is considerably cheaper.