Why is there such a negative stigma on adoption but not on teen pregnancy?

Back when teen pregnancy was considered a gross violation of the norm, there were actually fewer teen pregnancies, and fewer young women in the unenviable position of having to decide between giving up their children and raising them alone. As a society and as individuals, we lost a lot when we abandoned the concept of sexual morality.

Once the pregnancy exists, there are no pain-free solutions. Having sex before you're ready to deal with the natural consequences is wrong. But coercing mothers to give up babies against their will isn't right, either, and neither is a situation where adult adoptees and their natural parents who want to be reunited have to jump through hoops to find each other.

The sanest solution is to save sex for marriage, or at least until both sexual partners are able to support a child financially without excessive struggle. Too bad that's seen as a reactionary and outdated approach. It actually works, when it's used.

There is a stigma attached to teen pregnancy and that stigma has been around for so long that most of us probably see it as beneath mention. Do you realize that the additives (and other environmental assailants) being put into food which most Americans consume contain hormones which increase the rate at which children develop sexually now a days? And that young people's brains are not fully developed until around age 25?

Hence, younger people will naturally tend to engage in riskier behavior without thoroughly weighing the consequences. When people here try and encourage against adoption, I think it's because they want to steer a young person (who is already pregnant) away from making yet another poor choice with life-long adverse consequences for mom AND baby.

Well then why don't you take some time to read the answers?

I'm guessing you are one of the people that overlooks all the negative? All you want is rainbows and butterflies... It's NOT positive for all.

You think adoption is so great then whenever you fall on hard times financially even if it's just temporary! Just give your children up for adoption because it's such a "loving sacrifice" that is what you are telling people to do! Because material objects are the most important thing in the world.

I know plenty of adoptees who are not happy they were relinquished and put up for adoption..

By the way did you know staying in your biological family (unless you are abused/ neglected) is best.

EDIT: You're Mormon? Your additional information makes sense now..

Your description says you see the world "Right and wrong" clearly not.

EDIT: Sammy gabby, could you link the pages where people have said that please? Thank you.

Melissa, it wasn't a "crack" sweetheart.. A lot of this post makes sense to me now I know she is a member of the LDS.

P.S. I'm educated. I know all about your religion and many other religions in fact..

I would think that had you actually taken the time to read our posts, you would know exactly why we feel how we do. However, in case it's still unclear, we lived it; you didn't. Knowing adoptees and first mothers is not the same thing as living it.

I'd like to focus on one thing you said, that adoption "ensures" parents who can take care of the baby. Tell me: how do you "ensure" this? I'll await your answer.

The fact is, there is zero way to guarantee that adoption provides a better life. Adoptive parents can divorce, die, go bankrupt, abuse their children, etc. It is an irresponsible and reprehensible claim to say that adoption "ensures" anything.

As for my mother's "choice", well, she wanted to keep me. She wouldn't sign the papers for four months. But it was the Baby Scoop Era and there was no support for single mothers. I know her. She never had another child. It'll be interesting to hear your spin on how this was a "positive thing".

This is your opinion, rather than an actual question.

Personally I missed and grieved for my mother and adoption was a HUGE loss for both of us. It often is.

As for it being a 'loving sacrifice' - it's more often than not outside influences & stigmas that put the mother in a position of choicelessness in the first place.

My own mother made no such 'loving sacrifice', signed no paperwork and was informed I was deceased at 3 days old. Many, many mothers suffered the same fate due to the exact same 'stigmas' you defend (teen pregnancy, unmarried pregnancy . . . . )

ETA: You have no right to tell adoptees or mothers how they 'should' think or feel. GROWING IN THE DARK NOT KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF YOUR OWN BIRTH, WHO YOU ARE OR WHERE YOU COME FROM IS NOT POSITIVE. SECRETS AND LIES SUCK.

Positive/negative = adoption is far more complex that the black/white picture you try to paint. Conflicting feelings abound and arguing with people who have LIVED the experience with anecdotes of hearsay is just incredibly pompous.

ETA DENA dear, I think you'll find that most mothers considering adoption are NOT TEENAGERS. What utter, utter tripe you spew. What 'vested interest' pray tell. I care about the kids is all, there's nothing in it for me - no ulterior motives, no 'vested interest. You? ppfffttt

Royalbird: will you be handing your brood over more wealthy strangers to raise if you ever fall on hard times - y'know - as it's such a loving thing to do.

After all, in another of your answers you state that: ""It is a great act of love to realize that you don't have the means to raise a child and to let someone else who does do it.""

So, if your hubby lost his job and your income was struggling, you'd give your kids up, yes?

You're entitled to your opinion but it doesn't make you right. When you know what's to

- be forced to surrender a child

- understand what effect sealed records have on an adopted adult

- don't know whether your child is alive or dead

- not having access to current medical information

- to be a late discovery adoptee

- find a grave at the end of your search

- be an abused adoptee

YOU will have the right to criticise people like ME.

No woman or teen should be forced to go through pregnancy and hand her baby over just you believe that's better than abortion or allowing a teen to parent. A rape / sexually abused teen / woman should be forced to go through pregnancy if she doesn't want to. A mother shouldn't be forced to surrender just because she is a teen. There are mothers who were teen mothers who are better mothers than some mothers I know who had their first child in their 20's

What you believe is negativity is actually people basing their opinions on real experience rather than knowing mothers who have surrendered and are happy with their decision and adoptees who are quite happy.

When will people realize that it's a loving sacrifice to ensure that a baby you can't take proper care of has parents who can take care of him/her? - Do you even realize how uneducated this question this is or that it is based on ignorance?

Just because you know mothers who believe they made the selfless sacrifice because they believed they couldn't give their child the same life as a couple doesn't mean all mothers who have surrendered believe. As for believing a woman shouldn't have sex if they don't want a baby is appalling, insensitive, and stupid because you don't know if they were raped, sexually abused, contraception failed or the condom split. I would love to put you in the same roomas a couple of my friends who were raped then read out your question and see how they react.

Now very amazingly I am one of those mothers you are referring to based on the mothers you know.

Well YOU don't know ME, YOU don't KNOW if I was capable of raising MY son, YOU don't know if I CHOSE adoption.

I didn't plan to get pregnant when I did and realized after I split from my fiance. However I was quite capable of raising my son despite being a teen (aged 19) *shock, horror* and as I had a job I didn't need hand outs. However I was bullied and lied to by my parents and lied to by the adoption agency;

- I didn't know my rights

- I didn't see any paperwork

- I didn't sigh anything

- I never agreed to my son being adopted

- my son's father was never contacted which was illegal in itself

- I was told that it was too late to stop the adoption when my son was 6 weeks old even though I was still refusing to consent yet 23 years later I found out I couldn't even consent to surrender until he was 6 weeks old

- my son didn't have a better life, it was just different

- I suffer with severe depression, my son suffers with depression and we are both damaged by adoption

- I should have been respected in my choice to parent instead of living with the hell called adoption.

A lawyer has told me that what happened to me is called a forced adoption which is illegal but social workers get away with it because parents don't know their rights.

Mothers should be encouraged to parent and potential adopters should be encourage to adopt from foster care.

Sadly the pro adoption people here will disregard real experience, are blinkered because they don't want to be educated and one even believes more babies should be adopted and only 1% of children in care aren't abused yet the ones will real experience are called. liars, trolls and have multiple a/c

The reason that there is a negative stigma towards adoption and not teen pregnancy is because there is a number of posters who have a vested interests in deterring a teenager from giving their child up for adoption (or anyone for that matter) even if it is patently obvious that that teenager can not take care of the child. There is a huge disconnect between what they perceive teen parenting to be and the reality of teen parenting. They will say "oh all your baby needs is love" or "teen parents can parent. All they need is encouragement" or " you can get WIC, Food Stamps.etc" However, the reality is that most teen parents will get less than $300 worth of cash assistance. They can get possibly $300-400 worth of food stamps. That's it $600 total. Section 8 is frozen in a lot of places and in some states, the state Medicaid program is bankrupt or in serious financial problems. Plus, they overestimate how much child support a person will get. At best, she will get 30% of a minimum wage job if the father is another teenager. In reality, she could be getting $50 a month total. That's it.

There is a reason the statistics on teen parenting are dismal. It is because, it is NOT something that should be encouraged. Teens who become teen parents do not turn out as well. Children of teen parents do not turn out as well.

However, in their mind, telling a pregnant teen this information is "coercive." Apparently, the only information a teen should receive is "oh don't give your baby up. He or she already loves you." One, that isn't even factually correct and two, that *is* coercive because it induces guilt and fear.

They will tell a pregnant teen all the doom and gloom statistics (although very rarely are any actually cited) about adopted children but they do not want statistics cited about teen pregnancy. Adopters are accused of only looking at "unicorns and rainbows" but the anti-adopters will not ever tell a teenager, no matter how young, that life is going to be very rough as a teen parent. They will gloss it over.

Just to be clear, I do not think that teens should be made ashamed. They should be helped. They should receive services. But teen pregnancy should not be something to aspire to or accepted. It should be something that should be avoided at all cost. And yes, adoption should be an avenue that is strongly encouraged. Within the family, if possible but if not, then by non-relatives.

However, that isn't the goal of the "anti-adopters" The goal is to 1) stick it to the potential adopters and 2) make sure that the child is not put up for adoption. It doesn't matter what the fall out will be. As long as there is no adoption, that is all that matters.

Ok, lets have a break from all the nasty people. I agree with you to a point. Adoption can be a great and wonderful thing. Two of my sisters were adopted when we were younger and I was not. I am very close with them and their family and it was a great situation. There are a lot of adopted children who don't feel the same way though. A good friend of mine was adopted and her parents threw her out when she was 16 and got pregnant. She ended up staying with me. As for the Mormon crack one of the other people gave, my whole family is Mormon and they are huge on family. So you can do your research before you start looking ignorant. As for abortion, I don't believe abortion is right, however, I do believe that it is sometimes necessary. One of my cousins nieces on her husbands side was raped at 12 and got pregnant. In that case, the doctors said the baby would have either killed her, or seriously hurt her. As for teen pregnancy. I know a lot of parents who just ignore their children. My sister is a good example. She got pregnant at 16, but niece doesn't want for anything, because her dad and the rest of us spoil her, but my sister still wants to party all the time. My best friend also had a baby at 16. Her and the father stepped up, got jobs, finished high school, and now have another baby. It varies by the person. People view adoption as bad because it's not only expensive but can also be very tricky. The birth mother has sometimes up to two months to change her mind.

And what would you have instead? A moral police to shame women who have sexual relations and children born out of wedlock? Are you clutching your pearls hard enough?

I don't think we need to have a stigma on either abortion or unplanned pregnancies. And yet, we have them both alive and well. If you haven't noticed, there is a relentless campaign trying to ban reproductive rights, making abortion more expensive and birth control a moral issue. If you bothered to read a newspaper or listen to what is going on around, you might have noticed that political campaigns are run on the huge and made-up controversy that is birth control and politicizing women's bodies to the point where stupid people claim rape cannot result on a pregnancy.

What do you think shaming people would accomplish? It has been proven that abortion does not stop simply because it is illegal. People will continue to have unprotected sex with or without the social stigma attached to it. The only thing that further prosecution would accomplish is enhancing other problems like child abuse and neglect at the hands of unprepared, hurt parents, death by medical negligence in back alley abortions, violence against women forced to marry or stay with partners solely because of an unplanned pregnancy, poverty among teen parents forced to raise a child they cannot feed nor educate, and coerced, unfair adoptions.

Adoption should be seen as a complex issue, because it is. Sorry, but it is not an endless parade of unicorns and little chirpy birds. It should be problematized, not because it is inherently bad, but because it is a very important process that affects the lives of many people, on many different levels. Saying that is a magical, perfect solution would be a lie. Many good things can come out of it when its done with care and humanely, but private adoption practices where money is concerned can result in pretty grim situations, far worse than an abortion could.

If you want to live in your 1950s era world with the small house and the white fence, just stay out of adoption issues and believe what you want. But, in the real world, people are having sex and they should be encouraged to do it safely and responsibly, rather than shame and punish people who do it without submitting to your personal standards.

To put it simply adoption is often a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There is NO guarantee that the adoptive parents would be better parents than the natural parents. Of course the APs seem awesome, nice, great providers, but they also want your baby, so they will sell you the rainbow.

Not all adoptions are bad, but not all adoptions are necessary.