Am i the only adopted child that has abandonment issues.?

http://adultadoptees.org/index.html/

Nope, youre not the only one. Do yourself a favour, head over to the link Ive posted above, its a support group just for us adoptees.......asking this sort of question here is just going to get you a pile of horse hockey that makes assumptions about how your mother feels, or how you should feel or how wonderful your adoptive parents are.....because, basically, no one but other adoptees really gets it.

Adoption Abandonment Issues

Child Abandonment Issues

I know this is a really old post but I wanted to add my thoughts. To the People that say 'get over it' it's not that simple. As an adoptee my self I know how hard it is to 'forget' my dad died and my mum walked out on all of us. I was 3. I'm now 16 nearly 17 and I still struggle to understand why she did it. She got addicted to drugs and my grandma and grandad raised us for a bit. I was put into care along with my siblings and within 5 years we had been to 7 different foster homes. Your wife and anyone who isn't adopted won't understand the emotional side to it. I have low self asteem, abandonment issues, trust issues, bipolar, anxiety and I have ruined friendships and relationships because I can't trust anyone. Your mum carried you for 9 months so surely that should mean she doesn't want to get rid? Ours did. My dad hid his cancer from us so she nor us got upset. We didn't know he was dying until it was too late. Any child who is adopted whether your 10 or 55 will ever get over the emotional Truama that they are put through. no one will understand. My brothers, gran and sisters are all in contact with me. Unfortunately we lost my grandad in 2012 and my great grandma this year, both were like parents to me. That set me back a lot, I ruined my long term relationship when my grandad died because I pushed him away, I was at my lowest then, suicidal. I was on top of the building and I realised, why should I let my mum win. I was so close to ending it all because of adoption. I was 13 years old and I've been battling depression for 4 years now all because of my mum. If anyone needs help who is reading this, remember it's not over. We are strong and we are loved. If our mums didn't love us they wouldn't of had us. Stay strong and never give up ( sorry for going on so long) it's the first time I've ever written anything like this x

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RE:

Am i the only adopted child that has abandonment issues.?

I am 55 have never gotten over being left by my mother,Never connected,with my adopted parents.Good people, Just not Blood.Ever relationship i,ve Had was afraid the were going to leave me,wasn,t good enough,Happened couple time, I just don,t care anymore.I have looked for my birth mother for 35...

No, you certainly are not the only one. You have probably heard that 'anger is a secondary emotion' ... a way to deal with sadness and pain. After awhile, the anger will only be dragging you down. It sounds like if this is keeping you up at night, plus you are angry, you might have Depression (symptoms are: wt. loss or wt. gain, lack of energy, sadness, anger, withdrawal, etc) which can present its self differently in men.

Sounds like you have a lot of unanswered questions. And you have waited a long, long time to get some answers. That must be very difficult.

The thing is that you don't have enough info to hate her. She could have been in an abusive situation without resources, depressed or in some other way sick and unable to care for a child, or what is/was probably most common, bullied and coerced into surrendering you as a baby. You could have even been outright stolen!

I would recommend finding a group or maybe even a counselor to help support and encourage you to sort out these feelings you have as best you can. You can keep searching, but you owe it to yourself to better manage these feelings you're having.

Good luck to you

I asked a question like this a few days ago. From the responses I received, it seems the child suffers from the lack of genetic similarities in their family. But if the child is raised with a biological father, the child would at least have that on his side. However you would not want to go into this cheaply. Make sure the company you go through keeps decent records, you do not want to be without a medical history.

Wow, I'm with your wife 100%. I understand having abandonment issues up into your twenties but by your age you should have come to terms! Also who cares about blood? Your adoptive parents took you in and took care of you and gave you their love, its too bad that they didn't get any of yours back due to their DNA!

There are several reasons that women give their babies up for adoption. Maybe you were the result of a rape, incest, maybe it was a teen pregnancy, or she was unwed. She could have been married and her husband died while she was pregnant so she didn't feel like she could provide. There are VERY few cases that I have heard of that the mother just didn't want her child. From what I have heard women usually give their babies up due to family or societal pressures or fears, or their own fears about being able to provide and raise the child.

It was her choice to make and I doubt it was an easy one.

I am very connected to my adoptive family, and I still feel abandoned, hurt and insecure about my worth sometimes. It is sad and somewhat comforting to know that these are realities that could very well stay with me for life.These feelings come from my past, a past I don't remember but is imprinted in me and its not the sort of thing that one can get over with, but rather managed and accepted. Its the emotional equivalent of a chronic illness that won't kill you, but its painful and annoying as hell when it flares up, and just knowing its there causes issues.

I know my genetic mother, her family, my genetic father's family, and I am still not satisfied with explanations and reasons. My mind understands why things happened the way they did, but something else inside of me still aches.

Don't get me wrong, I am a happy person. Not because I tell myself this, not because it is expected of me. I just am. Lately I've been coming and going from dark places and when I think of my genetic mother the abandonment stings.

Please take a look at this link http://babyscoopera.com/adoption-articles/adoption... as you were adopted in the Baby Scoop Era.

Even though I'm not adopted and don't get it I know you're not wrong to feel the way you do. Nobody can tell you you're wrong but your wife is wrong to tell you to get over it. The adoptee froums that has been recommended to you is ideal because the adoptees know exactly how you feel.

i suggest that you seek out help for your feelings of abandonment. as any honest feeling is they are never wrong but if they are negatively effecting your life you need to get them sorted out.

you can always go looking for her, she might have been looking for you too. not all babies that were adopted so long ago were done so legally. some were kidnapped or pretty much so by people who had something to gain. all is not always as it seems.