How to deal with with my mothers criticism?

Question

See here's the deal. I am 18 years old and I'm graduating this may. My father has been in and out of my life but for the past four years he has been trying to keep in contact with me via text and calls, sending gifts on Christmas and my birthday, etc.. My mother is constantly criticizing my father and it bothers me to a point. I understand somewhat of why she does it but does it really matter when he is trying to be here now. I would much rather get to know my father then not knowing him at all. I don't judge him for what has happened in the past. Well him and his fiancée plan on coming to my graduation. I want them there but I know my mom is going to try to start something. I have already told her I don't want her starting crap at my graduation but no matter what event she makes it about her instead of the person celebrating. I don't know what I will end up doing if she says something to them at my graduation. My mom doesn't understand what she says does hurt my feelings but I don't think she really cares cause she is kind of self centered. What should I do to avoid this because I'm not going to tell my dad he cant come to my graduation.

barthebear · Accepted Answer

So happy your father will witness your graduation. It is sad that you need to hear only one side of the story of your mother/father relationship so much. So rise above it all; be gracious warm and enjoy your special day. If your mother begins to rant; tell her that it is time for you to say that you should not be hearing it and that it is between her and him only.  Best if you dont discuss your conversations with him with her.

? · Answer

Invite him if you want.  When the sparks fly, stand back and stay out of it.  Try to ignore it and have a good time anyway.  Some people are just like that and it is best not to give their drama too much attention.  That just encourages them.

Invisigoth · Answer

you need to be direct with your mom.

tell her: "Every time you bad mouth my father it hurts my feelings & turns me against you.  If you continue doing this, you will push me away until I no longer want to have a relationship with you."

you need to be that bold & that direct with her.

this is when you find out if she loves you or hates your father more.

if she loves you then she'll work on toning it down.  if she hates your father more than she loves you then it will be as if you never said anything to her.  she's too wrapped up in playing the role of "victim"

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How to deal with with my mothers criticism?

3 Answers