Should I tell my friend that her ex cheated on her?

If you reveal this betrayal to your friend now it is likely to have an impact similar to how it feels when you're happily running down the beach and you step directly onto broken shards of glass hidden in the sand. It's probably going to come as a sudden, unexpected, piercing pain that makes her stumble. She's going to have to pick the glass out, clean the cuts, and heal all over again. I imagine that she was hurt at the time of the breakup, and that it took effort and resolve to let the wounds from it mend. It probably also required some time. Since then, she's moved forward with her life. Most likely the ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on your friend with have already put this behind them, too. Sure, they were totally in the wrong, and perhaps they've privately realized that already and are remorseful. If your friend and this guy were still dating or had recently broken up, then perhaps it would be necessary for you to tell her. It's been three whole seasons, though. You are right that it's no longer relevant to the present. If your friend and her ex had been married for a decade and were presently in divorce proceedings, then it would be a different scenario than an ephemeral relationship between two young adults that ended the better part of a year ago.

Some things to consider -

- Are you positive she doesn't already know?

- Are you absolutely certain without the slimmest shadow of a doubt that the cheating took place? Do you have irrefutable proof?

- Are the ex and the girl he cheated with still present? How is that going to alter the dynamics between them and her? Will it add more stress to everyone's lives?

- Are you prepared for potential backlash? You could be the messenger that gets shot. Your friend might be grateful, or she might be resentful at this intrusion into her joy. Her current boyfriend might feel annoyed because she's likely to be less trusting and more suspicious if she finds out that a past boyfriend had cheated without her picking up on it. The ex and the girl he cheated with might deny the affair and make up things to discredit your veracity. You could be the one they all turn on. I've seen this happen. My friend who broke the news got labeled the gossipy busybody when she had been well-intentioned.

- Most importantly - how is this likely to impact your friend? Is it going to make her feel foolish that she hadn't known about the cheating? Will it make her feel more insecure and less trusting in her current and in future relationships? Will it embarrass her? Do you think she'll be grateful you told her, or wish you hadn't?

Your loyalty here is to your friend rather than to truth. This isn't your truth to manage. Some believe that loyalty makes a good friend duty-bound to reveal truths, but I think you have to use discernment. Will telling her the truth about this make you feel better, like you're vomiting out something you don't want inside you any more? Will it make her feel any better? Loyalty also entails striving to protect a friend from unnecessary hurt.

Best wishes.

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Hi Lyra. I think your best bet is to go with what you wrote in paragraph 2 of your question. Also, what you know has now become OLD news! Since your friend has a new boy friend and in a great relationship ever since last summer why bring up old stuff! The reason she broke up with her previous boy friend was because he cheated on her and she may even know the name of the person with whom he cheated! If your friend ever brings up her old boy friend and asks you about his cheating then you can tell her what you know but until then let "sleeping dogs lie," if you know what I mean!

if i were you ill just ask her what will she do if this situation happened to her. will she tell you? make it like a easy chit chat. dont make it too serious or like a big deal to her. then you will know what to do. if she said no, even if she found out later. she couldnt blame you for not telling her. cuz she will do the same.

You have to tell her, if she finds out that yipu kept something like this from her she will probably get mad. It's her right to know and I think she might be mad at first, but she will thank you in the end :)

Get Your Ex Back Now - http://tinyurl.com/pbgufgMiDV

tell her if you are really her friend she has the right to know if you are true friends she will thank u for it