Ex-Wife Issues?

"Why does the "dead beat" father gets excused from raising his own child?"

Who's excusing him?

I'd also suggest you detach yourself from the ex-to-mom-to-you circle jerk. You whine about the ex using your mom to get to you, but if you're really a lawyer, surely you understand this wouldn't be possible without your participation. All you have to do is tell mom it's not your monkeys, not your circus.

I don't think her husband has an excuse, but that doesn't necessarily mean you should hate their child. Your connection is the child is related by blood to your two sons. If you are even thinking about it, I would at least offer her a weekend trip with your sons and see how it goes. This is really something you are doing for your sons, not your ex-wife. I would wonder if they miss their sister on these trips or not.

I have a similar situation, and I totally get why you wouldn't want to do it. While the idea of bringing along my ex-wife's daughter on a vacation makes me uncomfortable, for me it really boils down to the fact that adding on additional kids on vacation would be un-affordable in most situations.

I don't think that he gets an excuse for being a dead beat.. I think that your mother .. knowing how wonderful you are to your children just wishes the same for this other little girl..

You may not be related to this child, But your two son's are and it must be heart breaking for this child to feel so left out.. To see her older brothers have nice things, get to go on wonderful vacations and most of all be loved by a wonderful father.. I think your mother understands that it is not your duty to care for her .. But how great would it be if you did show this little girl some of that love.

I think your mother just feels sorry for the child. She doesn't take into it your emotional or non-emotional connection. Your mom is just soft hearted.

Of course you don't have to take the child with you, or support her or any of that. Its not your child, but put yourself in that childs shoes. She didn't ask to be where she is. She didn't get to pick her parents, and she has nothing to do with your issues with your ex and her father. She just sits at home, while her "step kids" go on all these great vacations, and have all these great clothes. Who wouldn't feel jealous or upset at their lot in life. For me it's all about the kids. Put yourself in their shoes. Talk to your kids about it. But if you feel very strongly about the issue, then you already have your answer. You need to sit down with your mother, and ask her to stop bringing up the other child.

Good luck

My cousin was in the same situation (his wife left before their baby was born and was pregnant again by the time the DNA test came back on their daughter). He was so pissed that "the aunts" expected him to take up for this other kid, but we live in a big Catholic family and no one wanted one of ours to have a trashy younger sister pulling her into all kinds of trouble. So, he gritted his teeth and gave her clothes, and paid her way to Catholic school with his daughter, paid for sports and school trips and homecoming dresses -- the works. Today she is just as much his daughter as her older sister. Her bio dad hasn't been around since she was a baby (left for someone else .. go figure) but she and her sister are very close and both are stunning, classy young women. I know it must be incredibly painful, but if you don't take up for this kid, you are setting the stage for your son to have a contentious relationship with her for his entire life. Take a deep breath and do it for his sake. Sooner than later, you'll be glad you did.

You have no obligation and there is no reason for you to be angry that your mom and ex are concerned about this child. And by the way, this "child" is your son's half-sister, so there is a connection whether you like it or not.

Man, you have no obligation to help with that kid. It's all up to the cheating mom and the deadbeat dad. Why your own mother feels that you should help out is beyond me.

Tell your mother to butt out.

And butt out of your ex's husband's business, too.