How do I deal with a major problem?

Question

I am in a really bad living situation, and I can't afford to move out, plus, I care for my ailing monther. 
Living with us is a horrendous mega ***** from hell I call the beast in the basement, or monster in the basement. It's a sibling my mom was dumb enough to let move back in a few years ago. 
This person is a nightmare to live with. She is miserable and mean.  She verbally abuses us and belittles us over every little thing we do. 
She has had a long time substance abuse problem and has lost everything because of it. 
We do not get along and I've had to take many precautions against her to make sure she doesn't get her hands on mine and my mom's money, among other things. 
I already caught her using my mom's credit card while my mom was laid up in the hospital. 
Now, she does spiteful little things in the house to try to tick me off. 
Her latest is dialling 411 calls at $2.00 a call on purpose just to hike up the cable bill on me. 
The only way to kick her out is to have my mom do it, and she refuses to kick her out, even though my mom is miserable and uncomfortable with her there. 
Can anyone help us?  Does anyone know how I can prevent 411 calls from being made on my account?

beenthere · Answer

I agreed with Douglas D that you need to get power of attorney. I also think you need to also get medical power of attorney so you are the one making medical decisions for your mother when and if she can not do so.

I would also contact the social agency that handles elder abuse complaints, and talk to them.

Talk to the cable company and see what they can do. I would talk to a supervisor. They might be able to remove some of the charges. There should be a way to put controls or a lock on the phone. Get your mother a cheap prepaid emergency cell phone if she does not qualifys for  a free "Obama phone" .

I am going to bring up the elephant in the room.  What is going to happen when your mother passes?  There is no way she can get proceeds from the estate or the money will go to drugs. If the house is left to the two of you it will be a nightmare. She will not work with you.  If she is living in the house then she might have rights as a tenant, so consult a lawyer before to find out what you are facing. Her arrangements in the basement might not be legal per the local zoning laws.  That might be one way to get rid of her.

No More · Answer

Yes, cancel the phone if it's in your name. You can use your cell phone to make calls.
You mom has to get a backbone and kick her druggie daughter out of the house.
Now, there is another thing you can do, but it will take some initiative on your part. Talk to your elderly mom, and show her the merits of signing over her power of attorney to you. (I am assuming she hasn't done that yet). With that, you will have the legal ability to evict your addicted sibling. Power of attorney means you have the legal right to act on your mothers behalf if she is incapacitated to make decisions that would be in her best interest. Of course you don't tell your mom this is the reason why you are seeking power of attorney. You will also need it to access her bank account, make decisions regarding her health, and other legal decisions.

I don't want to advise you on how to trick your mom into doing something that she might not normally do. But your sister actually needs to be kicked out of your moms home. Unfortunately your mom thinks she is helping her daughter, but all she is accomplishing is enabling her to get worse.

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How do I deal with a major problem?

2 Answers