Am I wrong for being angry at my son?

Question

My son is 25 years old. He lives with me and goes to college and works full time. Sometimes I let him bring his girlfriend over to spend time with him for a few days. 
My son became sick over the holiday weekend. He was admitted to the hospital because the antibiotics he had already wasn't working, so the doctors decided to give him something stronger and observe him overnight. On Christmas day, the hospital discharged him. We both go home and we both ate and took a nap. When I woke up, my son's girlfriend was there.  My son never told me ahead of time that she was coming over. That really irritated me, on top I stayed by his bedside and missed work to make sure he is well. Now they both expecting to spend the rest of his sick days off together, in our home. What should I say without blowing my top?

Pearl L · Answer

maybe you should go back to work since he already has someone to help him out

Patricia · Answer

Tell him to let you know next time and that's  it. What the point of being being angry at him?

Suzy Q · Answer

It's his home too. It is completely reasonable for his girlfriend to be there while he is this ill.

I'm puzzled what you staying at his bedside has to do with anything. It sounds like you're jealous of your grown son's girlfriend. And as for missing work: be glad that you can go back to work in the knowledge that there is someone home making sure your son is cared for. This is a GOOD thing.

? · Answer

Yes, I think you are wrong to be angry at your son.

Illness or hospitalization is a time when your pair bonded person pulls close to be with you and take care of you.

The problem is that they are in YOUR home and you feel that your relationship with your son is threatened.  (Which it really isn’t).

I think it might be time for your son to move out...however, this is the wrong time to discuss it.

And as you said close to the end “our home”.  It’s his home too.  For the time being.

? · Answer

Of course it would have been nice if your son had asked you (or notified your) before his girlfriend came over. However, the circumstances were not usual. You both had just returned from the hospital. You both were quite tired and stressed.

It would be better to let this situation pass. Look at it another way: Why not let his girlfriend nurse him back to health??? You could use the help!

And then when he's well again and the two of you are alone, you can quietly mention to him that you would prefer that he let you know beforehand when his girlfriend intends to come over. But be careful, you're not talking to a 5 year old boy. Be respectful.

And don't be snippy with his girlfriend. If they're serious, she might be your daughter-in-law one day. More to the point, she might be the mother of your grandchildren.

Best wishes.

Lib.rare.ian · Answer

A 25 year old man should be able to have a guest visit him in his home without asking your permission first. Staying overnight is another matter, but certainly just being there when you woke up from a nap is not outrageous behavior.  Be grateful she is willing to spend time with your son to take care of him during the rest of his recovery while you're at work. 
This could be the mother of your future grandchildren. If you want to see them, be nice.

Spike · Answer

He’s 25. Come on, let him get some tang or you’ll never get him out of your house. What do you want him to be a mommas boy forever?

? · Answer

You could tell him that you want him to start letting you know when he will have guests ahead of time, and take some time to calm down and think about the situation before anything happens that you don't want to

Jack · Answer

No

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Am I wrong for being angry at my son?

9 Answers