Could somebody critique this poem?

Metrically, it soars, but I disagree with 5/7 that the rhymes are unforced. Here and there, I know you're reaching, trying to keep the point of your crayon inside the lines of form. I can't FAULT that, 'cause I do it myself. That aside, formally it's great work.

Thematically, you bite off a big chunk. Not every reader will have the teeth to chew it. Do you think you reached that segment of the readership you aimed for? If so, kudos!

But, um, here I deviate from criticism: I live to reach that kid who was a numbskull, until my words eased the paralysis of thought; you can't do that with lines that are too oblique, nor with allusions that are too obscure for the unscholarly.

ah I rub between my leg as I read it

I like it. I am not sure what it all means but that to me is the nature of poetry that there are multiple ways to interpret some of it.

I loved seeing this poem, a very compelling script... starred this one about five minutes ago, just so I could come back to it.... keep writing! to be cont'd...

I'd like to see the gift flow... not congeal... as this suggest a hardening of the hearts, talents, inspirations constricted. The Rivers of Life must flow if life is to be found, here!

There's much to ask concerning this poem; such as what embodiments do the archetypes host! I'd need to read more of your work, to ascertain the themes... to see what is beyond the veil, perhaps a cradled song!

As straight blindfold of endeavored

As business as usable to fort somewhat bland and blind

To a nowhereman of ink two step art full --of dead beat (bones)

As Ya for a team- (religion) now of a fort wave cluster f_c_ a flag, that fallen eve, grounded

To paste that never; was, use of women of harlots

Out to lunch and gone fishing but yet not for Him

As so glad to bypass and yet solder coals that fried long ago

As sunshine He here put you to test to wonder to fire to come

But this day and days as past same o now for weeks end the change

The changes of me His own was the day’s time but you have want birth

For in the life of that is the speaking and not of me of You.

But nevertheless, you of some will rise!

Between the cloudland After-death, there if alive will know, disown.

So what do they we have; only truth of heaven and earth will survive?

5 And He took him outside and said, “Now look toward the heavens, and count the stars, if you are able to count them.” And He said to him, “So shall your descendants be.” 6 Then he believed in the LORD; and He reckoned it to him as righteousness. Genesis 15

Live from Malta

very good stuff

it made my heart race

as i read

i like how you stuck it in:)

almost his life lost at sea

when from the fire

a venomous viper latched on to and

hung from his hand

as the barbarians watched supposing he would fall down dead

yet he just shook it off

but seriouly i think there are to many "where"s??? malita

and maybe just maybe change archetypes choke to

art -achokes type :)

cause this is mykind a poem

What this site is about. I hope this is yours. It's deep yet understandable, couplet rhyme seems unforced, the message isn't strictly happy, but realistic. A minimum of EWD, extra word disorder. Well done.

OMG! Did you write this or was it penned in distant days past?

It's too perfect to critique!

From the mind of a unique freak!

Oh, I do adore, "imagination's nose"

"gentle heart-seducing plots", is just too good, way too good!

This poem is obviously written by a very experienced professional poet or it is a classic, already previously published by an author we all know!

I don't know who, but "WOW"

It magically inspired my mind.

A key unlocked a soul-door!

I want to read it everyday so that my mind might recite it prayer-like.

Oh My God!!!

I commend you for your unique rhymes which also flow.

This is good,science-loving sea,fabulosity

This is creative. I like the mens mirth line.. that was funny lol. Is it all truly what you wrote down from your conscience and heart? Its being distinct in its own individual right. It actually does connect to how my perspective is which is why i aknowledge it. Im not experienced that much so i can only use imagery with some the passages in here im familiar with. I give it 3 thumbs up id give you an extra 2 if i grew another set