Why do I keep wishing my boyfriend would try to fight for me even if I keep telling him to stop talking to me cause I want to break up?

Because you have low self-esteem, and the relationship has made you feel even worse about yourself (excluded from parts of his life, him not opening up or having time for you, etc).

So at least him trying to fight for you would somewhat bolster up your low self-esteem.

This is the problem with getting into relationships when we don't already have self-esteem. We CANNOT get the assurances we need about our worth from other people, and when we try anyway we end up unhappy and/or poisoning the relationship with neediness.

You are not happy.

Break up then.

Get some therapy to get yourself started on the track of developing emotional wholeness and self-esteem. You won't be able to find or make a happy relationship until you do. And we never end up happier in a long-term relationship than we felt before we met the guy.

So learn how to be happy.

You are not ready to be happy,and he is not the one you could be happy with anyway.

A year and a half? Yeah, the infatuation usually wears off between Year 1 and Year 2, and that is when we find out the REAL relationship. You are right on schedule.

He's too busy to win you back? Well men want a woman who is happy and easy to get along with .. AND who is always available for sex when they want it. Sex for guys IS love .. and guys are not raised to deal with emotions and especially not with females who are angry with them. So yeah, you can turn a guy off you with anger.

Also understand that men do not give up themselves or their lives for the woman they love. They do not make her the center of their world. And they do not commit until they have become the person THEY want to become (usually this has to do with career/money/etc) .. so guys usually are too busy to give us as much attention as we would like. So that means WE have to have our own interests and not expect the guy to "fix" our life.

He's just not able to give you the attention you want.

So either you have to be ok with that, or leave.

Sure you want him to reach out... you want to feel wanted and you probably don't want it to end.

But it should, from the sound of it.

Cause we are messed up humans, were damned if we do and damned if we don’t.

I think you need VARIETY of experience with different type of men.

One of them will be CLOSER to want you really want.

Staying with One Man "HOPING" he will change, usually end up with you aging and lost hope.