Anyone have any non-cursing insults?

"The enemy's over there! Where are your eyes? You blind bat!"

"It's a sword, not a fairy wand."

"Hit him! Don't tap him on the shoulder. He's not being knighted and you're not the king."

"Sword too heavy to lift?"

"That is a bow. That is a pike. Try not to get the two mixed-up next time."

Shakespeare is an excellent one for great insults. These are just a handful:

A fool, a coward, one all of luxury, an ***, a madman (Measure for Measure)

A foul and pestilent congregation of vapours. What a piece of work is man! (Hamlet)

A huge translation of hypocrisy, vilely compiled, profound simplicity (Love's Labour Lost)

A knot you are of damned blood suckers (Richard III)

A monster, a very monster in apparel (The Taming of the Shrew)

A most pathetical nit (Love's Labour Lost)

A plague on both your houses (Romeo and Juliet)

A pox damn you, you muddy rascal, is that all the comfort you bring me? (Henry IV Part 2)

A ruffian that will swear, drink, dance, revel the night, rob, murder and commit the oldest of ins the newest kind of ways (Henry IV Part 2)

A slave whose gall coins slanders like a mint (Troilus and Cressida)

A slippery and subtle knave (Othello)

A stony adversary, an inhuman wretch, uncapable of pity, void and empty from any dram of mercy (The Merchant of Venice)

A vain, giddy, shallow, humorous youth (Henry V)

A villain with a smiling cheek, a goodly apple rotten at the heart (The Merchant of Venice)

"You're about as much use as a chocolate bow and arrow"

"You're nothing more than a weapons grade PLUM!"

"You're tuned to the wrong side of the moon"

end a sentence with the word "dingbat"

I stole some of these

"I envy people who have never met you"

"How are you the sperm that won"

"You've gotta be two people, because no single person is that stupid"

You're worthless

You're useless

You just don't have what it takes

You disappoint me

You don't belong here

You're wasting everyone's time

You're as dumb as a brick

You're beyond helping

The lights are on, but nobody's home

All of the above.

Scruffy looking Nerf Herder!

An abusive warlord would likely use personalized insults, tailored for each targeted individual. That would be more insulting, and affective, than just calling everyone a buffoon, and would add depth to the personalities of the characters. This is how I imagine a smart warlord would act. But I'm not sure what the personality of your character is. If he's more of a generic guy, I would suggest using words like "imbecile" or "coward". Kinda boring, though.

http://insult.dream40.org/ has thousands; also,

http://web.mit.edu/dryfoo/Funny-pages/shakespeare-...

Related: "Creation: Artistic and Spiritual;

"Understanding Yourself" by Mark Prophet;

"Shakespeare's Window into the Soul."

Well, there are quite a few insults that English speakers use that are not considered profane, some are considered to be more inappropriate in polite company than others. To take just one letter of the alphabet at random, we have "barbarian", "bastard", "beast", "bell-end", "bimbo", "birdbrain", "bítch", "blockhead", "bozo", and that old staple, "buffoon." While you might not want to use all of them at the dinner table, they're generally considered to be relatively tame.