Feeling doubtful about my relationship of 7+ years...?

Question

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for more than 7 years now. We have lived together for about 2 years. I am about to graduate college with a BSN nursing degree, and about to start a whole new chapter in my life. Lately, I have been trying to convince my boyfriend to pursue more in his life. He currently works as a mechanic and has for 4 years. He absolutely hates his job and the people he works with and almost always brings a negative attitude home with him after work, which brings our relationship down. It seems the only time he is really in a happy/carefree mood is when his guy friend comes and hangs out with us. 
He wants to move on from his job onto something bigger and better but he is really struggling and has been looking for jobs for the past 6 months without luck. He only really started applying to new jobs with MY help of filling out applications. It seems he has the want to change, but the lack of actively pursuing the actions necessary to find a new job. He never went to college and does not want to because he thinks he "isn't smart enough" and told me in that when he was in high school he would get extremely angry and stressed when it came to school work and he thinks he has a learning disability. I personally think, if he cares enough, wouldn't he seek help for this and actually try? 
He tells me that once I am the one bringing home the majority of the money he knows it will bother him and he will feel guilty. Any advice? Thank you!

Anonymous · Answer

children get help for their disabilities when they re  CHLDREN and are at school. he is an adult, so unless he wants to get doped with drugs there is no cure for his adhd. my sincere advice for u is to dump the loser, because life with him will be full of hardship

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe he needs to learn to be the kind of excellent homemaker that (1) makes it possible for the wage earner to work an extra shift each week and bring in the lovely overtime money, and (2) reduces family spending significantly. Reducing outgo is just as valuable to the family as bringing in income. Making it possible for the wage earner to earn more is just as valuable as earning it yourself. Maybe when the pressure to make a living is off, the guy will be able to develop some other interest (photography? restoring old furniture? a construction trade?) into a part time money maker.

College isn't for everybody.

Ashley · Answer

You are frustrated because he won't do what you want him to. He's your boyfriend, not your child. He doesn't need another mom, he's already got one. I am sure it's frustrating for you if you know he is capable of more, but you aren't his mother and it isn't your job to control him or tell him how he should be living his life. College isn't for everyone, and just because it was for you doesn't mean it is for him. School just might not be his forte. Your job as his partner is to motivate him to succeed. If you recognize untapped potential within him, its your job to motivate him to tap into it. It is your job to motivate him to find his niche, not decide what his niche is for him. At some point, he will decide he is not happy doing what he's doing and he will begin looking for happiness elsewhere. For right now, you need to step back. Drop the reins and pick up some pom-poms, because he needs a cheerleader not a puppet master. The kinks will work themselves out, just be there for him the best you can throughout that process!! Good luck!

sunshine_mel · Answer

If he's depressed, being able to do anything about it (whether his own mental health, or applying for new jobs) will be incredibly difficult for him.

Is therapy an option for him?

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Feeling doubtful about my relationship of 7+ years...?

4 Answers