My boyfriend had sexual relations with a man but claims he's not bisexual? Its distroying me. Help?

I get the feeling that part of you wants OUT. What you have is 'too good' and it scares the cr*p out of you. This isn't about him. It's about YOU and whether or not this 'good thing' can last. If you keep it up you'll get your wish and he WILL SAY GOOD-BYE.

Maybe try some couples counseling. It would be a real shame to throw away five years for a stupid mistake.my best to both of you.

Jenny: I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with this.

First of all: don't confuse sex with love. Men tend to go through "have sex with anybody" phases and that's primarily to get one's rocks off. It usually doesn't involve feelings of love or caring; it's just down-and-dirty sex. So he was either desperate, horny, or curious (or any combination of the three) and the other guy just happened to be the closest warm body. It was probably nothing more than that.

Second: would you feel any differently if you found out he tried something with another woman? A bisexual man? A post-op trans woman? A post-op trans man? Imagine all the permutations of sexual identities out there and how would you react to your BF "having relations" with each one? What is it about the sex and/or sexuality of the person with whom he was with that upsets you?

Third: a man can "experiment" with another man and not be gay. Being gay or bisexual is a state of mind, it's not JUST the sex act. While the biological imperative drives most men and women to pair off and perpetuate the species, the mutually exclusive binary model of sex has been slowly evolving to indicate that there is a lot more "grey area" in between the two extremes. I firmly believe that nature would NOT have designed us to be compatible with one and ONLY ONE person. With as many people as there are in the world, chances are there are a number of people who would be acceptable partners, both male AND female. But... he's decided to forego others and be with you. That's a definite win.

We all have baggage. For some of us, it's only a few, plain-looking rollaways. For others, it's a whole boxcar full of every single kind of carryon, suitcase, garment bag, and steamer trunk you can imagine! I'd imagine you may even have some interesting chapters in your life. If he was trying to keep his history a secret from you, you may have reason to be concerned. But if it was simply a case of "it never came up," then consider it part of his history and what makes him... him. You can't divorce someone from their past. They are the SUM of their life experiences, not just a select few.

If you are having increasingly distressing thoughts about this, you should probably seek out professional help to help you get past this, diffuse the issue, and move on. It sounds like he's a nice guy. Many if not most people have done something "interesting" in our past. Accept the WHOLE person and you'll be much happier.

--Peace & Contentment to you

I don't see what the big deal is. If he claims that he isn't bi, then he's not bi. Experimenting with the same sex doesn't make one bi or even gay/lesbian. He's with you and only you now and that's all that matters and should only matter

I don't see why this bothers you other than maybe because it was a man, you may see that as competition which you know you cant compete against. Where as if it was a women you being a women would assume you can offer what ever she offered.

Its his sex life, leave it to him.

he has the freedom to be himself and to live his own life, as you do. you express a desire that you be allowed to control him; while he may not be the person you think he is, or thought he was.  so, nobody is perfect, but if you are in a "committed" relationship, accept it and get-over-it, he is bi-sexual. 

that is not a "bad" thing; it is a human thing, and most probably an "O.K." thing."sociology" recognizes gender identity, gender roles, and gender-membership, sexual-roles, sex-identity, and sexual-membership."stereotyping" is pushing a sex-stereotype onto everyone, but lacks insight into what it is to be "human". this is due to "need for sex/gender membership" more then any higher spiritual motivation.it is the "need to belong" to a specific group which causes the need-for-membership to be such a prime motivator of violence against other groups. this is the same dynamic we see in every level of development of people, the need to belong out weights the value of human life.when america is a country of 329-million people and 1-in-6 are gay LBTG, that is 55-million gay people. as there are 45-million black americans, that means (1-in-6) there are 7.5 million black people who just happen to be gay.this is why we recognize diversity and inclusiveness as part of social-integration.

Well, you had me for a while until this: " Our sex life is amazing we have at least 2 times a day. And had it 17 times in a space of 24 hours."  I guess what with the pandemic scare, school is out and the kids are antsy.  Try to find something to keep you busy besides writing nonsense on the Internet.

You need therapy. And until and unless you can get past this obsession and insecurity, cancel the wedding plans. For the record, many people do experiment, especially young people. It's normal. What they do after they commit to someone is what matters.

Many young men try many things as they mature. Since he shows no sign of other than being straight, just chalk it up to growing up.

I don't get the problem. If he's Bi he's bi. If he isn't he isn't. You clearly love him. Why is this a big deal? If you're homophobic then you don't diserve him.