Why am I cynical of helping others or fighting for causes?

I know that I have good intentions but I am also conscious of other unintended consequences of being helpful and being principled. I feel like I'm so superficial, egoistic, and self-centered. Can I remove this feeling of malice in service? I hate myself for knowing the reward of service. How do I serve without being conscious of its reward. I don't want service to be like a high.

Although, I know what it felt like to be the one being served. I felt embarrassed that I had to be helped by other people. But, I was also grateful because it helped us and our family financially and economically. And now I have the upper hand, I want to serve but I wish not to make it a drive for my own personal satisfaction. Because I know that is wrong and I hate it that I'm conscious of it. Ughh I'm so frustrated. I know that life is not about me but I cant help it. Anyone who know what I mean? I need your wisdom. Please :(