MadMaxx

It may not technically be "humorous" but this story ranks a serious 9.8 on my "weird $hitometer"!

http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,2204...

Read the article and come back and tell me what you think. Which one was more crazy... the bf or the gf?

A blond calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blond says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box. He turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax . Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then .." he said …

"Let's put the Corn Flakes back in the box."

An attractive blonde from Cork arrived at the Casino and bet

twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men... are men.

I think it's from the 70's... the refrain goes a little like this... "Oye, yoy, yoy... Oye ,ya, yoy, yoy... Oye ,yoy, yoy, ya, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy"

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?

The Jewish man said, "Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with schmaltz (chicken fat), we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end!"

The Frenchman boasted, "Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she screamed for fifteen minutes!"

The Italian man said, "Well, last week my wife and I also had sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil. We made love, and she screamed for over six hours!"

The other two were stunned. The amazed Frenchman asked, "What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for six hours?"

The Italian man said, " I wiped my hands on the drapes!"

At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar. At the session last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight on how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, 'Well, I've a-tried to treat-a her nice, spend-a money on her, but best is I took-a her to Italy for our-a 30th anniversary!

The Priest responded, 'Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary.'

Luigi proudly replied, 'I'm a-gonna go and get her.'

A drunken Irishman staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there.

Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The irishman mumbles, "no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"

Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it.

Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?

Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home.

Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

Anyone know how to report or get rid of my mimmicked account?

Is this what other news agencies are saying or are these people just really uninformed?

Or do you think they would get special treatment and not be worth a crap anyway? I think they should Follow Prince Harry's example!

Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

I just needed to lighten this room up a little, lmao!

that we couldn't shoot down that satellite?

I would like to poke fun at all you retards the past few days that were saying that we should hire China since they "had more experience" at shooting down satellites. If brains were dynamite... you couldn't blow your nose!

I'm trying to remember the name of a small town in Maryland... begins with a "C" and ends with "ville"? 10 points to the person that knows... it's not Cockeysville.

So I'll ask it again and I'll be a bit more specific...

My 42 year old butt served, did yours, lol? How old were you when you went into Iraq?

I've read comments on here talking about being too old for combat.

I mean honestly... how many questions have been asked in here that would have taken less time for the lazy little bastard to go google it, lmao?

Are they really lazy or lost?

If you contribute and don't go to college? I heard that you lose even the money you contribute if you don't go to college (I was on the VEAP program)

I'll tell ya what... I'll bet your choice of candidates isn't what you think. I see a lot of questions on here dealing with candidates and the military... let's see if you're going to vote the right way!

Go to this site and come back and tell me two things for an answer... your candidate choice as per this questionaire and two, is that who you were going to vote for in the first place?

http://www.wqad.com/Global/link.asp?L=259460