?

Are they at pet stores? Do I need a permit? How much is panda food? Do I need a special vet? How much do they cost? 

Are they at pet stores? Do I need a permit? How much is panda food? Do I need a special vet? How much do they cost? 

Are they at pet stores? Do I need a permit? How much is panda food? Do I need a special vet? How much do they cost? 

Are they at pet stores? Do I need a permit? How much is panda food? Do I need a special vet? How much do they cost? 

I woke up in a dark room and I tried to turn on the light and it didn’t work. I went downstairs and turned on the sink but I was electrocuted and my testicles were chafed by vice grips.’then I saw stars in my ears and Lenny Bruce started singing songs from South Pacific. Next thing I know I’m outside and a tool chest falls down the stairs and slaps me with a zeppelin. Now I’m lost in the hundred acre wood with nothing but two claps between my anus. 

So I just moved into my house on Pennsylvania Avenue and I wanted to meet my neighbors. I go to the White House to meet trump. I walk in and two of trump’s house boys tase me

And throw me in a flower bed. I just wanted to say hi and be neighborly. I’m new to the neighborhood and wanted to extend my hand. No wonder people don’t like him. He stays in his bedroom and let’s his house boys boss people around 

I mean he only ran one term so I feel he could do it again. I know I’d vote for him 

Where is the electoral college located. Also how does one apply for admissions, and what’s the tuition. I tried www.electoral college.edu and I found nothing 

I mean what are the benefits, and is it covered under vet Insurance? 

I’m planning on leaving in the morning and I need to let my friend know what time I’ll be there so he can plan, as well as call my hotel room.

My grandpa wants to be stuffed and be a JC penny mannequin when he dies. How mich would a taxidermist cost for the procedure

Janis Joplin tweeted today she had something big brewing? New album? New tour? Thoughts?

We’re having a dignitary dinner tonight and the main dish is grilled cheese. I put the cheese on the grill and it melted and it won’t come off the grill

I had no clothes so I went to macy’s Naked. She saw me and kicked me out. Now why would a CLOTHING store, kick someone out who was looking for clothes in the first place. Aren’t they supposed to let you in to buy clothes if you’re naked

He rosen Out of his casket at his funeral breakfast and began eating the eggs Benedict with pancakes and cream shiitake cyanide. Then he got into a car with me and made me drive to the store and I bought a tide pod and shoved it in my rectum and my grandpa told me god said I needed to penetrate a lion at the Oregon zoo. So here I am in the *faint distant yelling*

Then he blew me until I began earing

My penis won’t talk to me. I try to wake him and get him to talk but he just sits there with an open mouth. What do I need to do to get him to talk

He hasn’t spoken to me in two weeks and just lays on the couch. I think he may be sick because I checked his temperature and it was 32.7. Amy idea on how I can get his temperature up. I tried picking him up to put him in the bathtub but he wouldn’t let me. Plus he smells awful

Me and my cousin got into an arguement. I’m trying to tell him they’ve won two Super Bowls. One in 83 and the other in 2000. He says they’ve never won. Plus I don’t have internet to check and see. Please help

They asked me to bring alcohol to the party, which I did. I went to Walgreens, picked up the Equate Alcohol and took it to the party. They look at me as if I were an idiot and told me to go home. They asked if I was trying to kill them. So I went home and drank the entire bottle alone. Why did they get so mad?

It sounds like my grandma and she lives all the way in Heaven, wherever that is. She keeps telling me to have sex with my gerbil and put caffeine injections in the cat’s fish tank. This seems odd. Could she be butt dialing me while she’s talking in her sleep or what.