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Grew up on a dairy farm. 20 yrs US Air Force; Master enlisted flightcrew, The Liberation of Grenada to Desert Storm. Aeronautical Electronics degree from CCAF.

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  • How do I re-introduce myself to my estranged children?

    This is a little complicated, so I hope you'll bear with me.

    I grew up as a quiet kid in what is now called a dysfunctional family. I left that as soon as I could by joining the Air Force.

    When I came home on leave (vacation) The closest thing I had to a gf in HS (I didn't have a car then) gave me this big sob story of how bad her home life was… She used me to run away from home.

    We got married (after she turned 17) because the Air Force gave me more money and gave her medical benefits. We have 3 daughters.

    Because I was in the Air Force, I was gone a lot. Training missions, deployments and real-world wars (Desert Storm). So she 'ran' the house, including the money.

    Because of my childhood, I didn't have a role model of a good father. I was aware of that. I did my best, but I admit that I wasn't the best father. It was worse that they're all girls and I had no idea how to father a daughter. I bought them what I could; toys, bikes, stereos, TVs, VCRs, etc.. I told them "I love you" every chance I got. I had nicknames for each of them because I read that made you closer. I encouraged them to think of their futures.

    I thought about getting out of the service multiple times, but she really liked the 'guaranteed income' and benefits. She also liked being in charge of the house and money.

    Her dad was a drunk, so her mom ran their house. She assumed she should run ours - even though I'm a very light drinker.

    I knew it wasn't a 'good' marriage. We were never 'in-love' w/ each other. I thought of leaving her, but decided to 'hang in there for the kids'.

    When the oldest started dating, I saw that my wife was teaching her how to take advantage of her bf. It really tore me up inside because I couldn't imagine her being happily married like that. I knew we weren't happily married and I thought that the odds of her finding a door-mat like I'd been was pretty low.

    I stopped being a door-mat (bit by bit). I did what I could to show my kids that being treated like that made me very unhappy.

    My wife filed for divorce and turned the kids against me. She (falsely) told them I cheated on her. I know first hand she told them I raped her (a blatant lie). I'm sure she told them other lies I can't even imagine.

    I tried to stay in touch with the girls. She listened in when I called. She read their mail. It became obvious she was making it uncomfortable for them to communicate with me.

    When the divorce was final, I had 1 visitation with the girls, and it was awkward. Now I know it's because of what the ex said to them… They didn't show for the second visitation and my calls, letters and cards went un-answered.

    I was literally flat broke at this time. The divorce left me $20K in debt. So I couldn't take her back to court to enforce the visitation.

    As the girls moved out of her house, I had no way of knowing where they even lived.

    It's been 10 yrs… I had hoped the girls would realize how many lies she's told them, perhaps when they started living their own lives, and contact me. I have a home phone just so I'm listed in the phone book. My only reason for living where I do is so I'm listed where they knew I live…

    I spent 5 yrs sad and lonely. Then I thought I should have a happy life to share with them when we (hopefully) re-connect. It hasn't been easy or very successful. Not many women believe that I'm not to blame for my kids not communicating with me, so they immediately don't trust me. I met a cpl that did give me the benefit of the doubt, but seeing their kids, esp on holidays, made me very sad again.

    Now, yes finally…

    I've found that 2 of the girls have Facebook pages. I'm fairly confident that it's their way of opening up communication with me. I work with computers and the ex accused me of using the internet to find my (fake) affair partner.

    The oldest is married (and has a daughter) but her FB page includes her maiden name.

    It's a dream come true and I don't want to mess up what could be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity…

    So I'll be making my own facebook page ASAP... but then… how do I re-introduce myself?!?!?

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