gogobanca

I'm looking for the whitehouse joke where there's are chinese involved. A bit old but very funny. Anyone remember that?

Help, I need lyrics to Keri Hilson song - Knock you down?

I recently found out that my husband has a son, 3 1/2 same age as our daughter. I honestly don't know how to deal with it, what to say to him; whether I accept the child or not. I feel like our lives will never be the same again. I feel that i was better of not knowing about it. How do I handle the situation?

My husband cheated on me 3 months after we got married, I found out then they broke up. Now it's a month after out 1st year anniversary and i just found out that he is doing it again. I love him so much and I don't wanna loose him. 2 weeks ago I met this guy, he is married as well, we started talking and seeing each other, now I feel like i'm cheating as well. Is it wrong for me to cheat on my husband even if he is already cheating on me?

My husband is planning to buy his first car, now we fighting about which car to buy. He want to buy the most expensive and I say we go for simple, affordable. He called me cheap and said the F word? What should I do?

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer, the barman says "that would be 1 cents" "One cents, and how much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" The barman say " that would be 5 cents" and the man ask, "where is the owner of this place" The barman replies "Oh he's next door with my wife". "What is he doing next door with your wife?" asked the man. The barman replies "the samething that I'm doing to his business right now"

Rate plz!!

Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what.....

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became

friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They

discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This

went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he

noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.

He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it

anymore?"

She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it." "Why?" he asked.

She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little

feathers down there!"

"Let me see" he said. "Okay" and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and

said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken."

He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut

butter. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken

sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"

She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her.

She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the neck and the gizzards

Osama Bin Laden heard that Bush was wondering whether he was still alive. So he dicided to send his enemy a message in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and contained a single line of what seemed to be a coded message:370HSSV 0773H

Bush was baffled....He asked all his experts....Condi Rice, the FBI, the CIA but nobody could help.

Eventually in desperation, they sent it to the president of Burundi to see if he could come up with anything...Quick as a flash they got a message back: "tell the President he's holding the message upside down!! it says "HELLO ASSHOLE"

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot - I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want." The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake's striking range. He said, "OK, first, I'd like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I'd like a body like Arnold Schwarzenagger, and finally, I'd like sexual equipment like this horse I'm, riding." The rattlesnake said, "All right, when you get back to the bunk house you'll have all three wishes."

The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house.

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer,and at a point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on.

The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.

So, when the computer asked him 2 enter his password, he made it obvious to his wife that he was keying in.+PENIS+

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

"PASSWORD NOT LONG ENOUGH"

John and his date were parked on a secluded dirt road

and started to make out hot and heavy.

His date stopped and said,

"I really should have told you this earlier,

but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex."

John pulled a twenty out of his billfold

and proceeded to have his way with her.

After a cigarette, John just sat in the driver's seat

starring out the window.

The woman asked him, "Why aren't we going anywhere?"

John replied, "Well, I really should have

told you THIS earlier." "I am actually a taxi cab driver,

and the fare back to town is $25."

There were two blondes walking down the

street and they spotted a compact.

They rushed over to see who it belonged to

so they could return it. The

first one opens it and says, "This person looks

familiar" The second one

says, "Let me see." She looks at her friend

and says, "Silly, that's me!"

(((((((((((((((((((((((

A blonde working in the coffin

industry was thinking of various

ways to improve her business.

She thought perhaps a good way

to do it would be to emulate the

success of the fashion store

across the street which had done

very well with it's new "Buy 1,

Get 1 Free" deal. Soon, a man

walks in. "I would like a coffin

for my father. But these coffins

are very expensive!" "Well, sir,

you'll be happy to know we have

a 'Buy 1, Get 1 Free' deal!" The

customer left.

A blonde ordered a pizza

and the clerk asked if he

should cut it

in six or twelve pieces.

"Six, please.

I could never eat twelve pieces."

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The teacher took the pupils to the local cemetery and ask them to count the tombstones. Then the she said "how many dead people are here?" one little girl raised her hand and proudly said "all of them".

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"It is clear that you haven't studied you history" said the teacher and the student said "well my dad says the world changes everyday so I decided to wait till it settles down".

How effective are the emergency contraceptive (morning after pill), I'm not sure if they work 100%. I have used to them for the first time 2 days ago.

A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, ''I'm so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died." The man was very upset and yelled, ''You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away.''

The brother thought about it and apologized.

"So how's Mom?" asked the man.

"She's on the roof and won't come down."

Rihanna is finally coming to SA this time with JayZee. Are you planning on going...coz I know I'll be there.

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster—one that would service all of his many hens. When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied: “I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!”

So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house, though, he gave Henry a little pep talk: “Henry,” he said, “I’m counting on you to do your stuff.” And without a word, Henry strutted into the henhouse.

Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, until Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn’t stop there.

Henry went into the barn and mounted all of the horses, one by one, and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief cried out, “Stop, Henry!! You’ll kill yourself!!”

But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.

Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Henry. The farmer walked up to Henry saying, “Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you little buddy.”

“Shhhhhhh,” Henry whispered, “The buzzard’s getting closer.”

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."