savs

A Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool fans.

Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?'

'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?'

'I am a Man Utd fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Man Utd fan?'

'Because my mum is a Man Utd fan, and my dad is a Man Utd fan, so I'm a Man Utd fan too!'

'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Man Utd fan.

You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time… What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?'

'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan.

Who can give me some links to find more on this media theme?

Thanks !

I'm putting up a plasterboard wall with metal framework.

I need to fix the floor rail to floor tiles, the ceiling rail into a wood and concrete ceiling, and the wall rails in brick and plaster walls.

What kinds of screws and fixings should I use?

Surely the two concepts can't go hand in hand. Pro-life is pro-life, isn't it?

Please help me with this one, I'm pulling my hair out !

God's view of Britain

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards

through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to

call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example,

North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South

America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hotspot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over

there is a continent of black people,"

God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be

extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small land

mass and said "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Britain, the most glorious place on Earth.

There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams, and hills. The people from

Britain are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to

be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable,

hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as

diplomats and carriers of peace."

Archangel Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,

"What about the balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the w**kers I'm putting next to them in France."

Brittannique de nationalité, travaillant en france depuis 6 ans pour un PME, je souhaite prendre 3 jours de congés en mars, pour passer un concours de la fonction publique. Mon employeur ne sait pas la raison pour ces journées de congées, et refuse de me les donner sans excuse valable.

Qui a le droit et qui a tort dans cette situation?

A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You''ll feel so much better!"

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke.

So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you''ll see, you''ll feel so good!"

The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up.

"Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you''ll feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit.

The giraffe and elephant watch in horror and look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help you."

The lion answers, "That little bastard! He makes me run around the forest like a f**king idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"

A recent Survey on Yahoo news show that the majority of US' allies believe Bush to be more a danger to world peace than any other of the crazy maniac leaders in the world.

I totally agree. Going by past stats, he has killed far more innocents than either the Iranians, N. Koreans or even Saddam.

What about you?

I'm Darwinism.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=7tpq5mc5_uk

British nationality, living in France. I'm signing up to become a teacher in the French national education system, and I need to give them a copy of my police record to prove I've never done anything wrong.

How do I go about asking for a copy of my police record?

Thanks in advance !

It's like a "when Kenedy was shot" question for the younger generation.

Personally I was at home in front of the telly ( 3pm here when it happened) and shocked. Sat and watched for hours after it...

Please state your reasons, and/or scientific evidence

It's my wife's birthday this weekend, and I'm all out of ideas of what to get her. In recent years I've done the usual; watch, camera, necklace, etc etc. ideas please?

If it's a transformer, then which kind? How heavy is it? Should I try to buy it in Europe or wait till I arrive in Sao Paulo?

If I wait and buy it in Sao Paulo, does anyone know where I could find one?

Thanks!!

I'm spending my holiday in Brazil!

Where should I go to see the best sights and experience the best slice of brazilian life?

I have 5 internal flights and I'm arriving and leaving from Sao paulo.

Any ideas would be well appreciated !

I currently have a HDTV connected to my PC by the VGA port (Both TV and graphics card have VGA connectors.)

I'm thinking of changing graphics card, and have seen a nice one that only has Dual-DVI out. Would I be able to use a DVI-VGA adapter and still connect the TV to the computer? The other DVI port will be used for my monitor.