Deb S

I am an avid coffee drinker. Every travel mug I get has a rim on the inside that gets really bad, gunky, even though I clean the mug a lot. The little ridges get a build up and even one mug I had to take the lid apart to clean underneath. I've spoke with others that have the same problem. Someone, please help!

Turbotax isn't recognizing a dependent I entered. I've noticed here and through other places that others have the same problem. How do I contact them without being on hold for 45 minutes. They need to fix this bug.

I have a 12 and a 13 year old that play this, yet I know nothing about the site. Is it safe? What can I expect them to be doing on it? Until I know, they are not to play it. They know to not give out their real name, age, etc. but I want to be sure it's ok to use.

I've seen it on TV and gotten e mails about it. I'm wondering if it really works well.

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.

But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Ernie was left.

'Ernie, do you have a story to share?'

'Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Cheri. She was a pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break ,and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.'

'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?'

'Stay away from Aunt Cheri when she's been drinking.

He was a riot. I miss the slapstick humor.

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

What do chickens think we taste like?

What do people in China call their good plates?

What do you call a male ladybug?

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it?

Which is the other side of the street?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why don't they call mustaches "mouth brows"?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

It was years ago and about all I can remember is a man has a puppet that came to life and I recall the puppet saying "We're gonna be a star".

My boyfriend wants a movie he saw some time back with James Earl Jones. He's married to a white woman and the two are abducted by aliens and have tests run on them. I've searched IMEEM and can't find anything that sounds like it.

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.

Both were very faithful and loving wives, however

they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi

Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to

pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off

her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did

not want to ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a

ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the woman's husband was concerned that his normally

sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other

husband and said:

'These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife

came home with no panties!!'

'That's nothing' said the other husband, Mine came back with a card stuck to her

butt that Said.....

'From all of us at the Fire Station.

We'll never forget you.''

Absolute Governmental Authority

================================

A U.S. Department of Water representative stopped at a ranch and talked with an old rancher.

He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation."

The old rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."

The Water representative said, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? The card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The old rancher nodded politely and went about his chores.

Later, the old rancher heard loud screams and saw the Water Rep running for the fence and close behind was the rancher's bull.

The bull was gaining on the Water Rep with every step.

The Rep was clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out.....

"Your card! Your card! Show him your card!"

I have started going through menopause and am getting hot flashes every couple of hours at night. It wakes me up and then it's hard to get back to sleep. What have any of you had luck at to help stop these?

The Importance of Understanding English

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.

Short line. Just one lady in front of me -- an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."

The Asian lady replied, "Fluc you white people, too!"

Hope you got a little laugh.

I want to redeem my points!!! I'm getting real tired of this site! Wow! I've worked so hard, for so long and look where it got me! I think I should get something for all these points! A T-shirt, an ashtray, an autograph from Judas!!!

I thought I had computer problems. I know I'll get used to it, but for now I hate it. Where's my spell check??

IRISH VIAGRA

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband's libido.

'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.

'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'

'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.'

It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'

'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.

'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With

one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'

'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'

'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!

What is the cut-off for what a student can earn and not have to file taxes? Thanks for any help!

When I "visit" other categories, I find it hard to answer any of the questions because they seem so irritating. They aren't usually questions, but rambling. I don't mind helping out, but the things asked are so repititious that they should see the same thing come up before they complete the asking. Am I wrong to feel this way?

Judas Rabbi used to be one of my contacts, now he's gone. How can this happen?