Joanne

My daughter's 5th birthday party is in a week and a half. I can't afford a giant birthday party at a kids restaurant or bounce house venue or anything like that, and I certainly can't have 25 kindergartners in my house. So instead of inviting the whole class, I told my daughter she could invite 5 girls since she's turning 5. She's been begging me for a tea party themed birthday, and 6 little girls having tea and cakes and a few games at our house is well within the realm of what I can handle and afford. Once she picked out who she wanted to come, I addressed the invitations specifically to each of those girls. Then I gave the invites to the teacher so that she could discreetly send them home, rather than my daughter giving them out in class and the other kids feeling left out at not getting an invite.

I sent out the invites weeks ago so as to give everyone time to put it on their calendars and let me know whether or not they could make it. I made sure to note on the invite that it was a very small party and to RSVP as soon as possible. I put my phone number (call or text), my email address, and our home address. I gave them every possible way to contact me in whichever way is convenient for them, and yet I haven't received a single RSVP.

The problem here is that only one of the mom's drops her daughter off at school. I can follow up with her if I need to, since I see her almost every day. But the other girls either ride the bus or are dropped off for before-school daycare. I've never met the parents and I don't have any way of contacting them.

It's awkward and I hate the idea of hounding these girl's parents, but it's such a small party that I have to know who - if anyone - is coming. What if nobody comes and I've planned this whole party? My daughter will be heartbroken. Do I send a follow up note home with the invited girls asking their parents (again) to RSVP? I don't know what else to do.

We're going through a difficult phase with my 4 and a half year old daughter. She has always been extremely independent and strong willed, and I've had to learn that consistency is key. If I say something I HAVE to follow through with it. No definitely means No in this house.

But lately I'm having to repeat myself over and over and over and over. Here's an example of a typical conversation in our house, that happens dozens of times through the day (exhausting me in the process)...

Mommy, can I have dessert after dinner?

No, hunny. We're not having dessert tonight.

Why?

Because you've had enough to eat, and it's not healthy to eat dessert every night.

But Mommy, please?! Just a little dessert?

No.

Mommy please, please? Dessert dessert dessert dessert (and on and on and on)

I said NO, don't ask me again.

But MOMMY!

That's enough!

I WANT DESSERT NOW!

And so on. I admit I'm getting fed up and exhausted and I'm raising my voice more than I'd like. I'm just so exasperated. I'm sure some of it is adjusting to new routines - about 2 months ago we moved from the house she has lived in her whole life, to a new country, and we're living with my parents right now. My husband had to stay behind (and is thankfully arriving this week) so I've noticed her acting up a lot more without him. And I'm a lot more frazzled without his help.

I understand that missing her daddy and adjusting to a whole new life is difficult, but that doesn't mean that I start giving in to her every demand. I love my daughter more than anything in the world, and I hate fighting with her, but I also love her enough that I don't want her to turn into a spoiled brat who always gets what she wants. For the other mom's out there, how would you handle this? How can I get my daughter to understand that Mommy's word is final?

I bought a really pretty necklace from my local farmer's market a few weeks ago, and I was excited to wear it. It's got big chunky dark blue beads - they're pretty solid and heavy and look like they're made out of some sort of stone, as opposed to glass or plastic or whatever. However, within a few hours of wearing it, my neck is blue. I've worn it on 3 occasions, and each time I get a blue neck. It wipes off easily with a damp cloth, but I'd like to prevent it from happening in the first place.

Any idea why this is happening? And how I can prevent it? In the past, I've tried the clear nail polish on cheap jewelry trick, and it just doesn't work. Within a few hours it's all worn off, flaked away, and looks worse than it did before. So, any other suggestions?

My brother-in-law and his fiance are getting married in a few months, and my husband and I were a bit shocked to see that the invite stated "Adults only". We have a 4 year old daughter, as do they (they were born within a few weeks of each other) and they also have a 1 year old son. My husband and I were married when our daughter was 11 months old, and it never even occurred to us to make the wedding adults only, since it was important to us to have our daughter there to celebrate with us, even if she was just a baby. There were quite a few young children and babies at our wedding, including our 11 month old niece. There was no crying during the ceremony, and no tantrums throughout the reception - everything went fine, even with having several children there.

Now, I understand that it's their wedding, and they can do it however they like - except for two little problems that I've got. The first problem is that for whatever reason, they've decided to have the wedding in California - and we're in Arizona. While not as expensive as a destination wedding in Hawaii or something like that, we are going to have to put considerable time and money into going to this wedding - 10 hour drive, plus hotel stay, etc. Now in addition to that, we're going to have to pay for a babysitter for several days. And I have no idea who we're going to get to watch our daughter - the only people who have ever babysat her overnight are her grandparents, who will obviously be at the wedding.

The other problem I have is that it's "Adults only, except for our own kids". I heard from several people that while nobody else is allowed to bring kids, their own 4 year old and 1 year old will be in attendance. This seems a bit unfair to me. If kids aren't allowed, then why are theirs coming? And if theirs are coming, other people should be allowed to bring their kids too.

Should we ask for an exception so that we can bring our daughter? Or should we RSVP no? If it was an acquaintance or a distant family member, I'd just apologize and say that we can't make it...but it seems like since it's an immediate family member, we really should attend. Any advice?

This weekend I'm going to my salon to get some waxing done, and while I'm there I'll also be getting a free facial (and goody bag) that I won on their Facebook page, when they had a little contest a few days ago.

I always tip the esthetician who does my waxing 20% because she always does a great job. I've never had a facial at my salon, but I'm sure it'll be great, like all their services. My question is, do I tip the esthetician for the facial, even though it was free? It's a $150 value, so a 20% tip would be $30...which is kind of a lot. I don't want to come across as a cheap, crappy customer, but at the same time it seems kind of odd to have to pay $30 for something that was supposed to be free that I won in a contest.

Just not sure what the etiquette here is - please enlighten me!

I know we all have our favourite colours, and most people probably have colours they dislike...but do you have any colours that you dislike so much that it actually causes an emotional response? For example, the colours mauve/dusty rose and sage green actually make me physically anxious, upset, sometimes even a bit angry. I've mentioned this to my husband and he says that it's crazy. Am I nuts?

I'm not saying that I'll have a meltdown if I just see those colours...but for instance, a doctor/dentist office with sage green walls and dusty rose furniture/accents...I see it all the time and I HATE it. something like that is a nightmare for me. The last time I went to the doctor, I had to use all my willpower to not request to be moved to a different coloured room, it was all I could think about. Yeah, I'm definitely a bit nuts. This doesn't seem like rational adult behaviour.

(also, it's not just that I associate those colours with doctor's offices or anything, I can't stand to see that colour used in anyone's personal decorating either. Just...ugh!)

I have always had irregular periods. There doesn't seem to be any reason for it, as far as the doctors can see - I just don't always ovulate, and no one is sure why. When I do have my periods they are typically very painful. I was surprised to find out that I was pregnant about 3 years ago, and the doctors told me that typically women who have unexplained irregularity in their menstrual cycles usually find that after having a baby things clear up and work as they are supposed to. For a little while, that seemed to be the case - I had a period every month for several months, and they weren't painful the way they had been before. However, the irregularity started up again and things went back to the way it had been.

Currently, my last period started on 12/26/09. So it's been approximately 4 months - nothing unusual. I'm not on any form of birth control. My husband and I aren't necessarily trying NOT to get pregnant, but we're not trying to either. Mostly when we have sex, he just pulls out prior to ejaculation. Friday night (4/23/10) we had sex, and he ejaculated inside of me.

Starting Sunday (4/25/10) I started having some very light pinkish spotting. I expected to be finally having a period, except the rather than getting heavier, the spotting stopped today. The information I have seen online indicates that implantation typically takes place 6-12 days after fertilization, but I have no idea when I last ovulated. This is exactly what happened when I got pregnant with my daughter. I hadn't had a period since December and then in April, had unprotected sex with my husband which resulted in very light implantation bleeding a few days later. If I am pregnant, I think it's too soon for any symptoms to be showing up, although I am unusually fatigued today. What do you think the chances are that I'm pregnant?

I live in Arizona and my entire yard gets full sun all day, every day. The temperatures in the summer can reach 110 degrees and higher, on a regular basis. I would like to start a vegetable garden. I plan on having several 4'x8' raised beds. My question is, should I erect some kind of shade structure to put over my plants during the hottest months of the year? I was thinking of using some kind of mesh or screen material - not enough to block the light, but enough to filter it so that my plants don't fry in the intense heat. Would this work? Is it even necessary? If so, what kind of material should I use?

For about two weeks now my 2 year old daughter's face has been red all around the mouth and chin. It looks very dry. It doesn't seem to bother her unless I try to wipe her face and then she freaks out - but that could just be because she's a toddler and doesn't like having her face wiped. The past day or so, I've noticed that she's got 3 or 4 little whitehead pimple looking bumps on the apples of her cheeks. I've been putting lotion on her face, and running a humidifier in her room. She hasn't been sick, I don't think she's allergic to anything, it doesn't seem to be itchy...I can't figure out what's causing it or how to make it go away. Any advice? At what point should we take her to the pediatrician?

I've always had weird, irregular periods, but things got better after my daughter was born 18 months ago - my periods have been mostly regular since then. I recently lost 30 lbs in a very short amount of time, and from what I've read it sounds like rapid weight loss can effect your menstrual cycle. My last period started on July 30th, so I'm currently 49 days out - about 20 days late. I attributed this to my weight loss, and didn't think much about having skipped my period...until this week. I have been SO cranky and emotional and PMS-y. Worse than usual, it seems. I don't usually have PMS too bad, but this month it's been awful. I'm also under a fair amount of stress, and have been for the past year or so with job/school/family issues. But this feels different. Like, I realise I'm being a b*tch, but I can't seem to stop myself. Does anyone know if it's normal to still have PMS symptoms when you don't have a period?

Just to be on the safe side, I took a pregnancy test 2 days ago and it came back negative. I'm not on any birth control, and am sexually active with my husband, but we're careful - rhythm method, withdrawal, etc. Plus I don't have any morning-sickness type symptoms that I had really bad when I was pregnant, so all of those things combined makes me pretty certain I'm not pregnant.

Just want to know what's up with the crazy emotional roller-coaster I'm on this week!

I'm on a medically supervised diet right now, and each week when I go in for my appointment the doctor gives me a B12 injection for energy. Last week at my appointment, I mentioned that my energy had been really low even with the B12. So my doctor suggested that I try a B complex injection instead. Well, about two hours after I got home that night, I noticed a little redness on the side of my breast - right along the edge of my bra. I figured the bra was irritating my skin, or that it might be a little bit of a heat rash (I live in Phoenix - it's SO hot here). I spent all weekend wearing light cotton t-shirts and no bra, so that I could give the skin a chance to air out and heal a bit. The only problem was that it got worse and worse over the weekend. It went from a little redness to patchy red bumps, and tiny whitehead looking things all over the side of my breast. By Tuesday it was all over the sides of both breasts and starting to show up on my upper abdomen. Wednesday it started itching like mad (I haven't been scratching). Now it's Thursday and it's all over my breasts, my abdomen and now on my back and I'm unbelievably itchy. I tried using an antihistamine - oral and topical - but it didn't do any good. I've never had an allergic reaction to anything in my life, but from what I've read if I'm allergic to anything in the B complex injection, it could cause this type of reaction. Is that accurate? Nothing else in my lifestyle has changed - no new foods, laundry detergents, lotions, etc. - and since it started right after the B complex injection, I think that must be what's causing this. My question is, when I see the doctor tonight will she be able to give me anything to make this go away, or is it just going to have to work itself out of my system? What can I do to get rid of the itch

My husband gave me a gorgeous family heirloom engagement ring that belonged to his great grandmother. The wedding budget was pretty tight, so we decided that instead of buying a temporary (cheap) wedding ring, we'd just wait until we could afford to have something custom made to match my beautiful antique ring. We've been married a little less than a year now, and probably won't be able to afford to get the custom made ring for another two or three years. I've been thinking about it, and I've decided that when we ARE able to get the ring made, I'd like to have some kind of ceremony to go with it - otherwise it's just some ring, and there's not really any sentimentality to it. I don't think it's really appropriate to have a vow renewal so soon after our wedding (less than 5 years) so I don't necessarily want to have a "reception" and a whole bunch of people present. I was thinking more along the lines of taking a romantic vacation somewhere - just the two of us - and having a sort of ring ceremony...something simple, and more of an affirmation of our love than a renewal of our vows. It's kind of a one-sided thing though, since my husband already has a ring, and certainly doesn't need another. What do you think? Good idea or bad? Any ideas on details? (what to wear, would we need an officiant, etc.) Thanks!

I was born in '85 and I have a brother who is a few years older, so I'm not sure if the toys I'm thinking about were older than '85, because they might have belonged to my brother, but I don't think they are. I remember playing with them from the time that I was about 4 years old, so I'm pretty sure they were manufactured in the 80's. My mom called them Woodsies, and that's what I always thought they were called...but now that I've got my own kid and started thinking about them, I looked up Woodsies, and that's not what they were! I guess Woodsies were sort of like finger puppets, made by Fischer-Price - a family of squirels that lived in a cloth log. What I'm thinking of are woodland animals, but they're much more detailed than the Woodsies...there were beavers and bears and bunnies...2-4 inches tall...the legs and arms and head could move...they were made out of a plastic-y, rubbery material, and they were covered in a very fine, short, fuzzy fur. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

Over the past two years I've had 5 episodes which I thought were panic or anxiety attacks. I've never had these episodes diagnosed or even told anyone other than my mom and husband. They've always occurred when I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed, they've always happened at work. It seems like it's triggered by a "final straw" sort of thing - like, I'm already stressed and kind of depressed, having a bad day, bad week and then a customer or a co-worker pisses me off....my breathing starts to get a little heavier, and then it's like my brain forgets how to breathe. I'll take a deep breath and then hold it...and then when I finally let it out, I hold it there too. My pulse goes up, and my brain gets a little fuzzy...mostly because of the whole forgetting how to breathe thing. I start taking big, gulping breaths to try and get some air, but even with that, I feel like I can't get enough air in my lungs. If I just let it happen, it'll be over in 5-10 minutes, but if I fight it, it can last hours until I finally succumb. After wards I feel exhausted. I decided to do a little reading about panic attacks, but it seems like all the information says that I should be feeling/fearing impending doom and death...but it's nothing like that for me. It's just like life gets to be too much sometimes and for whatever reason that makes me unable to breathe. Am I suffering anxiety attacks, or could this be something else?

Also, I'm not interested in anti-depressants - although there is a history of depression in my family, there is also a history of very bad reactions to anti-depressants, so that's not a suggestion I'm looking for.

First off, let me say, I am a very conscientious driver, and I rarely go more than a few miles over the speed limit, and have never had a ticket in 8 years of driving. I was driving on the highway today, and coming up towards my exit. There was a red Ford Focus in the lane I needed to be in to exit, driving right next to me. I tried to speed up a little to pass him but he sped up too, so I tried slowing down to get behind him in the lane, and then he slowed down! Clearly this guy was being a jerk, and I needed to get in that lane soon or I'd miss my exit (the next exit was about 10 miles down the high way - really didn't want to have to drive that far to turn around) so I sped up to about 80 mph - the speed limit was 65 mph - and I passed him and got in the right lane. Well, I looked in my rear view mirror and the guy had his cell phone out, either taking a video or a picture of me! Then, he switched lanes and pulled up next to me as I was getting onto the exit ramp, and took another video/picture of me when I looked at him! It looked to me like he was getting my license plate number and a picture of my face. My question is...why would he do this? I admit that I DID speed up to pass him, and I guess technically that's breaking the law...but as a civilian, can he do anything about that? If you catch someone speeding like that and you get their license plate and a picture of their face, can you report them to the police to get them ticketed? If he'd been an unmarked cop (he wasn't because they all drive crown vic's here) then he'd have just pulled me over, so I assume he had to be a civillian. And if he's not reporting me to the police, what would he be doing with a picture of me that he clearly took without my permission?

In a few weeks we're having a birthday party for my daughter who is turning 1. I'm making the invitations myself, so I had a question about invitation etiquette. Would it be rude to put on the invitation what size clothes she wears and what sort of toys she likes, so that everyone coming will know what to get her? That way they wouldn't have to guess or call me to ask. I just don't know the proper etiquette on that. I don't want to be rude.

I HATE my new haircut. I had very long hair (half-way down my back) for years, and after my wedding I decided it was time for a change. I wanted to go pretty drastic, so I had about 14 inches cut off, and donated the hair to Locks of Love. I have VERY thick, wavy hair. I love the colour - a deep auburn - but I've never been crazy about the texture. On top it's pretty smooth and not that wavy, and underneath it's very coarse/wiry, and pretty curly - so when I brush it out, it just has an all over sort of wave. I told the woman cutting it that I really don't have time to style it everyday. I have a 1 year old baby, I work full time, and I go to school full time. So, I told her all that, and that I wanted something short and funky and fun, but very low maintenance. I tried going really short (kind of a pixie cut) several years back and it looked awful on me, so I don't want to go that short again. What the hairstylist gave me is what she called a graduated bob. Basically it's your typical bob but it's shorter in the back. I guess that was her idea of funky. Unfortunately it doesn't work for me. To be honest, it's kind of boring and the only way it looks good is if I straighten it every day. (1) I don't have the time to do that every day, and (2) It's really bad for your hair to straighten it that much. And now it's too short to even pull it back in a ponytail for when I'm having a bad hair day (seems like almost every day now). I just don't know what to do with it. Any ideas? It's just not at all what I wanted, and I'm afraid the only thing to do now is to wait for it to grow out, and have crappy hair in the meantime.

I've been told by a few people now that I should sue the doctors that I recently saw for a minor shoulder surgery, but I've never done anything like this before. Here's what happened: I had a small tear that needed to be repaired in some cartilage in my shoulder from a fall I'd taken months before. The surgery was on New Year's Eve, and I was the last patient of the day. I think this may have contributed to the issues - I think the doctors may have been negligent because they were tired and just wanted to get out of there. The surgery was minor, and although it was general anesthesia, I was only "out" for about 45 minutes. However, the first thing I noticed when I woke up was not pain in my shoulder, but in my head. I felt like it was going to split open. I tried to reach my hand up (with my uninjured arm) to feel my head but couldn't move my arm. My husband told me that the anesthesiologist had numbed the wrong arm. They had told me ahead of time that they'd be injecting a nerve in my neck to completely numb the arm that was being operated on, so that the pain would be less for the first 24 hours - but they got the wrong one! I was completely helpless for a full day after my surgery - I had no use of my good arm. My husband had to feed me, help me go to the bathroom, everything. When I finally got control of my good arm again, I felt my head and there was a lump on the back that was very tender. I think they must have knocked my head on something while I was out! I think I may have even had a slight concussion from it because I've had this headache that won't go away, I've been dizzy and sleepy, and I've been nauseous. I thought it might have been the percocet I was taking, so I stopped for a while and I still had those symptoms. The other thing that happened, may have been unavoidable, I don't know. I guess I was a little congested and I wasn't breathing very well while I was under, so they put a tube down my throat. I don't think they did it right though because I've been coughing up bloody mucus for days and my throat is killing me. Anyways, that's what happened, and I'm kind of feeling like I should get some kind of retribution for the crappy recovery period I've had for this minor surgery - my shoulder has actually been the LEAST of my problems, and that just seems wrong to me. Do you think this would be considered malpractice? What do I need to do now?

Ok, I know I recognize her, but I can't figure it out. Who was actress who played the beautiful, mysterious woman on the bus in tonight's (may 12th) episode of House?

I recently had a shoulder injury that is causing me LOTS of pain. The doctor wouldn't prescribe me any strong pain killers because I'm breast feeding my two month old daughter, and he was concerned about the drugs going through my milk to her. Well, after two days of physical therepy, the pain became too much for me to handle, so I decided to put my baby on forumula for just a few weeks while I'm healing so that I can take the vicoden he prescribed to me. I'm pumping my breast milk and throwing it away for the time being, just so I can keep up my milk supply for when I'm ready to nurse again. My question is this - how long after I stop taking the vicoden can I breast feed again? Will the drugs stay in my system for a long time, or if I take one at night, can I nurse her the next day?