I have two awesome daughters from a past relationship. The woman I married wants to have a child of our own. We do not have the resources available where we are but we do about 70 miles away. My wife's family lives there and can give us the financial support and be there for us for babysitting, etc. My daughters live with their mom and stay with us every other weekend. We are close enough that the weekend visits are only an hour drive away. I guess my biggest concern is that thursdays are also a day that I spend a couple hours with them. I pick them up from school and take them out to the arcade, dinner, then back home. That is the visit that wouldn't be possible any more. They are old enough to understand why we are moving, but are they going to resent me, my wife, or the new baby at all?
2009-05-27T16:06:03Z
Maybe a little more info will help. My daughters are 8 and 10. They love my wife and call her mom. They have both expressed their want to live with us and not with their mom because she has another boyfriend and two more kids from two other men. They have known for a while that we plan to have a child, they are both for it.
2009-05-27T16:14:08Z
Another thing you should all know is that the financial aspect is for everyone. My wife and I have been helping her family out for months with bills, etc. Her father is a diabetic that doesnt take care of himself therefore he is in and out of the hospital. The financial aspect is by moving here we help them, and it cheaper on us.
Joseph the Second2009-05-27T15:47:27Z
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-There are "Realities" in Life, & right Now- You're facing One of Them. The next Time you have your Girls- take them out to Dinner somewhere- & tell THEM what you've just explained to Us. They're old enough to "Understand" that this is something you need to do for YOU, and it's NOT a reflection on Them or anyone Else... To make the Matter alittle "easier to take", maybe you can work out an Arrangement with Them- to come out & visit you for a week or so- every so often after you've moved.... IF they're as "awesome" as you claim, -they may NOT be happy with your Decision...- but they WILL Understand... -Good luck! :)
You can still see them every other weekend. 70 miles is like an hour drive. I know you will miss Thursdays but tell them you will go on a family vacation together in the summer to make up for the Thursdays. Just assure and reassure that no matter where you live you love them and will always be there for them. You are only a phonecall away and if need be you could be there in a flash. You are not abandoning them or chosing anyone over them. Sometimes parents have to do things they don't want to do, like move because of money, just like sometimes kids have to do things they don't like to do.
Best wishes to you I hope they understand and that you and your wife have a beautiful baby and future.
EDIT: Just checked back and saw you added more info. If your girls want to live with you and call your wife "Mom" than by all means let them live with you! They are your CHILDREN. No money is worth telling your own kids they can't live with you. Even if you can't stand your ex or not- you have to talk with her about this. ADULTS need to figure this one out and work together in THE BEST INTEREST OF THE KIDS.
Of course they will resent you to some extent even if they do not want to. My question is, do you really want to move, or is your new wife pushing for it? I personally would not want to move where I had to rely on my in laws for financial support. There are always things that can be cut, like cable, cell phones plans scaled down etc. And it really does suck being the kid that has to spend 2+ hours of their weekends being swapped between parents, trust me I have been there as a kid myself. Think long and hard about this, it sounds to me like she may be trying to get you away from your kids to try and make a new family that does not include them as much. Even if they are older it still hurts when a parent chooses to move away.
Edit: If that is the case then why not take them with you? My girls are 8 and 10 and trust me you may think they are old enough to understand but in a child's mind (which they still are) you are leaving them. And if they do not like their current life and call your wife mom and then you move away it will cause a lot of heart ache for them. Why not try to get custody of them and all of you move.
I think they'll resent all of you. You're trying to bring in another baby that you can't support unless he parents help you support it? That's not right. Plus if you have some sort of joint custody agreement, you can't move without approval of the court and without a good reason, it's not likely a judge would let you. Good reasons for moving are getting a better job, etc. You're moving so someone else can financially support this new child you want to have. Stupid. Don't purposely bring anymore kids into the world if you can't afford them on your own.
You'll still be close. My step son moved about 75 miles away a few years ago (before the big move across the country) and we did have to cut the midweek visits and activities, but we were still able to do weekends and holidays. Just be sure to split the drive now and then so one person isn't doing all the driving.