Favoritism among grandparents? Anybody else have this problem?
Has anybody else experienced grand-parental favoritism? Where the grandparents prefer one grandchild over another? I'm going through it right now, and it's so irritating.
I have an 18-month-old sister, who I babysit about twice a week while her dad does odd chores for my grandparents. She's a perfectly sweet little girl, and very shy. We have a 9-month-old cousin who lives next door, and he and my sister get along great. The problem is my grandparents' reaction to the kids. Both kids get toys and things when we go shopping for them, but it's more the emotional repsonse to the kids that bothers me. My cousin is doted upon with love and affection by my grandparents, while my sister is all but ignored. This is especially bad with my grandfather, who is so sickeningly sweet with my cousin that it makes me hurt for my little sister when he brushes her off. Especially since she adores him. She runs to see him when he comes in the door, waits for his truck to pull into the driveway, and will walk around the house wearing his giant sunhat pretending to be him (it's adorable). But he comes in and gives her a passing glance or doesn't acknowledge her at all. Usually, he barks at me to make sure she doesn't get into something she shouldn't. When he does acknowledge her, it's either to demand that she do or not do something, or about how she doesn't want to give him hugs or kisses. I've told him before she's very shy and that she's intimidated by his size (he's 6' 3", she's 2' 7". He's a giant to her) and that he shouldn't take it personally, but he doesn't listen. My grandmother is a smaller offender than her husband, but even she prefers my cousin. I'm not saying they should prefer my sister over my cousin, but it should be more equal.
I think at least half of this has to do with the kids' parents. My sister's and my mother is a recovering alcoholic and has battled with mental health issues and the law for the last twenty years. Recently, she screwed up again and has been ostrachized from the family. My cousin's parents are normal parents who have a lovely little apartment and have normal jobs (at least, my aunt does). I'm of the mind that just because my parents are idiots doesn't mean the baby should suffer.
A good example of what I'm talking about is when both kids leave the house for the evening. My sister always leaves in the early evening, since it's a long trek back to her house, and my grandfather will either simply say goodnight to her or not say anything at all. Not twenty minutes later, my aunt and uncle decide it's high time my cousin was in bed, and all of a sudden, my grandfather is all over it. He'll not only say goodnight, but lavish him with hugs and kisses, calling him "sweet prince" or "tiger". Or he'll comment on how my cousin will be a pitcher in Little League in a few years. When I point out that my sister could also be in Little League (she's got a heck of a throw herself. Though she prefers hitting me with the ball to laugh at my pain), he'll brush it off with a wave of his hand and change the subject. This isn't sexism: he coached my own Little League team when I was younger. The same thing happens with other things; my grandmother and I got the kids Red Sox caps, since we're all fans, and he gushed over my cousin's little red and blue one. I showed him that we got one for my sister, too, but he brushed it off.
I honestly don't know what to do. Don't get me wrong, I love my cousin. He's adorable and a blast to play with, not to mention incredibly personable. But I feel bad for my sister. My grandparents are the only grandparents she has, and I feel it's unfair that they favor my cousin so much. I mean, I lavish her with affection when she's over, but a big sister isn't the same as a grandparent. I want her to have good memories of my gradparents, but I don't see how that can happen when they ignore her like this. I've confronted them, especially my grandfather, before on this matter, but it doesn't seem to have made any difference. He changed for about two days, and then was back to his old ways. Does anybody have any suggestions? Because after yet another week of my sister being brushed aside, I'm at the end of my rope.
I live with my grandparents when I'm home from school, my cousin lives next door, and my sister lives about half an hour away. I don't think distance is any excuse to discriminate against your grandchildren. They see my sister about as often as they see my cousin, yet still favor my cousin.