My mom came back from rehab— she’s more selfish than ever?

Question

I’m only 14 and I honestly haven’t seen the real mom since I was like 7 years old (when she wasn’t taking drugs) and I just found out this year she was taking them and my older sister found out so my mom went to rehab. It’s been 3 months since rehab and she’s so mean now. Her ex bf who I hated so much used to call me and my sister the worst things EVER. When he found out my mom went to rehab, he took my sisters 1000 dollar camera and ray bans and my moms jewelry. My sister was devastated but all my mom said was “those are material things your lucky I went to rehab” so anyways, he was so mean to me and my sisters like literally so close to punching us and now my mom is texting him saying stuff like “I’m so sorry I never wanted this to happen I miss you” and more bs. Like that is LITERALLY such a fu**ing slap in the face to me and my sisters because she’s not saying like oh fuc*  you for being rude to my kids she’s still kissing his a** and I’m donee omg. My sister even has a restraining order on him.  I can’t why is she sneaking behind our backs texting him!
Like she doesn’t even care bout our feelings she just thinks going away helps

Pearl L · Answer

if your mom is being abusive in any way talk to someone in cps about it and they might move you out

Anonymous · Answer

Wow.  If your mom is texting this jerk, I can promise you that she'll be using drugs again fairly soon.  I'm a substance abuse counselor, and any good rehab will require people to focus on their kids and their sobriety when they leave.  As soon as they lose that focus, they turn to the only thing they know - drugs. So please don't think of rehab as a magical cure.  It gives people a jump start, but if they go back to old habits, this always includes drugs.

I agree you sound mature, so I'm sure you have mixed feelings.  Your mom is an incredibly selfish and immature parent, but she's still your mom.  I mention this because it's imperative that you bring another adult into this that you know and trust.  A big part of "trust" is that you need to be completely honest with this person.  Your loyalty to your mom will kick in and you'll want to hide the worst parts of it to "protect" her.  Please don't do this.  You're being forced into a position where you have to fight for yourself (and maybe even younger sibs).

Ideally it would be an older relative, like an aunt or grandma.  If not, just think it through.  You'll feel better once you've told your story, but the bigger goal is to get some help.

Joe · Answer

For 14you sound very mature in the situation much more than your mother and her ex bf. Truthfully it sucks your mom allowed you to be around this and see this growing up but it is what it is, if she is back and clean that’s a step in the right direction he next step all of you including her should go to consueling and try to figure out how to move forward and heal and be a family again. Hope things improve

? · Answer

I'm so sorry. Your mother never really grew up. Maybe it's because of the addiction. You have to understand that addiction is something that takes over ALL of your mind, and ALL of your attention. I'm betting the bf enables her addiction. She is not acting rationally. I don't know if it would be better for you if Child Protective Services got involved and took you out of this mess or not. You certainly should be with an adult who cares about you. Is there a grandmother or an aunt you can turn to? When you're 18, you can get out of this situation, but I hope someone will do something about this before then.

My mom came back from rehab— she’s more selfish than ever?

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