Do you sometimes feel like a single mom even if your married?

i'm so glad i'm not alone on this. both my husband and i work the same hours, the same days a week. He is a mechanic and i work in an office. so he claims he should do less at home because his day job is more physically strenuous. Even though he doesnt consider the mental stress of my job. He doesnt consider that i am the one that wakes up in the night with our children, or that i get up before him. he says that's my fault because i need more time to get dressed. but i still end up dressing at least one child if not both , and i'm the one who drops them off at daycare and picks them up. i do the dishes and household chores 9 out of 10 times. and he mows the yard twice a month. not to mention the mountains of laundry...which he will wash but not fold of put away. some how he thinks this all evens out. ..... i don't . with us too this is the only thing we argue about. he goes out with his friends or goes 4wheeler riding while i stay home with the kids then when i want a girls night out he makes up excuses to why he can't watch the kids or that we dont have the money.

i totally feel where you are coming from. all in all we're happy but this one thing gets me stressed sometimes. he makes more than me but he's also the one who encouraged me to get back to work. i have not found a happy medium yet and don't know where to find one. like you letting him know how i feel doesnt seem to work. if you or anyone else finds a solution i'd love to know. but for now just know that you are not alone.

and to the military wives i don't know how you do it completely alone. but atleast he really is gone and thats why you have to do it yourself, our husbands just seem a lil slefish or something. if my husband was oversea's i wouldn't be bothered by the Single mom in marriage thing. my mom was a military wife and mother and i know its hard.

I can relate. I have a part-time job out of the home and a job I do from home besides cleaning the house, taking care of our 2 1/2 year old daughter, being 14 weeks pregnant, and trying to start a third job. My husband gets to do as he pleases (at least he makes more money then me or I would be very resentful). He goes to bed when he wants, goes out with his friends all the time, etc. I just had a talk with him that he needs to ask me what I want sometimes too instead of making plans for me that I don't want to do. He's a great husband overall but he doesn't realize all I do. There was a time that he didn't even know our normal routines and I had to explain everything to him. I love being a mom but you're right it's not fair.

Not at all! But thats how it is at my house too!! I have 2 kids a 6 yr old (step-daughter) and a 3 month old son! I get up earlier than my hubby get the kids and myself ready and leave before he even gets up! Then I get off work pick the kids up, get them home, do homework, make dinner,clean the house, do bathtime and bedtime all by myself! While he watches tv or takes a nap or goes out to a game! When I say something he is like well I work har all day and you sit infront of a computer! I'm like what does that have to do with you doing nothing when you get home! I still ahve to do everything so it's like working a 18 hour day! In turn sometimes I would rather work labor during the day and come home and watch him take care of the kids! HAHA they would starve, never btahe, and be dumb!! So it's not just you! Don't know how to change it either sorry! Atleast you know your not alone!

The simple answer is your relationship is not equitable. In this day and age, it is common for women to be equal breadwinners, yet some men still hold onto an outdated idea that childcare/housework are the women's responsibility (you don't mention it, but I bet you're doing the lion's share of housework, too).

You need to have a sit down with your husband and say, "This is not fair. This is not working." You can even put down on paper how the division of labor is in your household. He cannot control his job if he works nights, but he can control his household contributions (do the dishes before he leaves for work, take your daugher to daycare instead of you), spend his day off with his daughter, and curb his time out with his friends to give YOU a break instead.

ps: I just read your note about constant fighting on the subject. Be firm - tell him that the situation the way it is now is NOT acceptable to you and you will not keep this up. With him or without him, you need things to be different. Time for him to "man up" and pitch in.

You are definentaly not alone, I can completely sympathize with you. On my days off I still take the girls to daycare and my husband works nights so after work I have to pick em up take em home, bathe em, put em to bed......And you know whats funny? Even when he is home the girls are all over me.

Guess they can't resist that motherly instinct. Don't get down over it, just be sure your hubby is fair and lets you have some time to unwind, go have drinks with your friends or fam, or go to Barnes and Noble just a few hours of down time really helps out a lot.

yeah hun i know how you feel i have 3 kids and expecting baby #4 in feb next year my hubbie is always at work even today its his day off and hes been called in cos someones phoned in sick which seems to happen a lot hes a manager though so does not have a choice but to go in

i do mostly everything around the house cooking ,cleaning all the ironing etc mostly do most of the child care too

i hardly ever get to have a lie in and im lucky if he makes me a brew in the morning

i will admit he does sometimes but compared to what i do he does nothing but i think that's men in general there still stuck back in the day when women were chained to the kitchen sink lol

today its meant to be equal

its not fair but its the way it is lol

If you are married (esp; to your sons father) you should not feel alone. Marriage is friendship and partnership. I would think being married and feeling single is worse- speaking as a single mother. I don't have that stress. I enjoy my time with my baby- And when I am married I plan on having a lifetime friend. add: being married should be more than him paying the bills- that's not all marriage is composed of.

I am experiencing the same thing with my husband. I have a 2 month old daughter. I feed her, change her, bath her everything. I am with her all day while he works and get up with her during the night because he says he needs his sleep. Even on weekends he is away enjoying himself or working and I am home with baby. It is not fair at all !! I think it is there responsibility as much as ours to look after their child. Do they not think that we would like to have some ME time, and be able to enjoy ourselves for a change ?? Maybe we ought to start a support group for this LOL I have tried talking to my husband and telling him Hey I need a break too, but if your husband like mine it goes in one ear and out the other . If it helps at all though just think how much your baby is learning from you, and knowing how much she is loved by her mommy . Thats what I keep telling myself .

i know the feeling , right know I'm out of work again until i can find a sitter. i was offered a afternoon job for three hours but when i told my husband he told me know because he don't want to stay home with Anthony alone ( are baby is 8 months old).

when i was working a 6hr shift i was still doing it all by myself. my husband works about 4 to 5 hrs a day . so when he gets home there should be no excuse for him to not get on the floor and play with Anthony so that i can get a breather. when Anthony was born it took my husband 6 months to come around and do something with his son and then suddenly after a month he stopped again.

it seems like when its convenient for him he will play with Anthony or feed him or change him. Anthony is know saying daddy and he just sits on the chair watching tv.

know that are son is crawling he gets into more things and while I'm busy in the kitchen he still just sits there and when are son gets near the litter box all he does is says no he don't get off his *** and go get him.

since the day are son has come home instead of calling him Anthony he calls him buddy.

how hard is it really to feed,burp,play and change a dirty diaper. my husband makes everything complacted when it dont have to be.

he got Anthony one day out of his crib with out my asking and changed his diaper and that was it he did not feed him instead he ate . he came in and woke me up around 10am way past anthonys breakfest and first bottle so anthony was late on his nap and everything.

he told me he worked all day ( 4hrs big deal), and i said you had a break from a fussy baby (ear infection and first two teeth coming in together). and i don't get a break, that day my son took a 30 min nap all day so he was cranky and i am tired with a headache and hungry . but my hubby blew it off and went to eat his lunch.

i could have put my son down but when he is hurting i hold him and watever i need waits.

My husband works 3rd shift and goes to school. I don't see him from 10PM to 11:30AM and of course he needs to sleep, so from about noon until 9 he sleeps. I hardly see him... we acctually fight a lot about it. I've learned to back off a bit because school is over for him in Dec. so I just keep counting it down. He makes enough so that I can stay home with our daughter, so I've learned to appreciate that. I do wish he would sleep a little less though. I get about 5 hours a night and he complains when he only gets 8.