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Any ideas on how to deal with my boyfriends 10 yr. old son who has a weird obsession with his father?
He is a little "no, a lot" on the sissy side and can't stand for us to touch each other! He actually threw away a valentine card I gave his father! I have tried to be nice, but what do I do??
**his parents have been divorced for 5 years and we have been dating for over a year. I have an 11 yr old daughter and he has another son who is 13. The oldest son does not have any problem with me. My daughter has no problems with my b/f. It is a serious relationship. We have discussed marraige.
OK, more: Yes he actually does have custody of his boys so they spend plenty of time with him alone and have for the past 5 years. Unfortunately, I am the first woman he has brought around them since the divorce. (his bad I guess)
11 Answers
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
no - he will get used to you eventually - you will want the closeness when he decided to hate you two
- Anonymous1 decade ago
This is why i would never get involved with a single mother and im sure vise versa for women not wanting to get involved with single men with kids,The kid feels jealousy when he see's you touching up his father maybe even hatred,It's because your not his real mother,He threw away the valentine card because he hates you and he is telling you he hates you,He is 10 years old not a baby anymore,He will always hate you and make your life hell until you leave his father,I feel sorry for kids in these situations,All you can do is ask him why he doesn't like you?Be friendly with him,Talk to him take him out befriend him,Let him know you love him also and not just his father,Dont touch is father when he is around,Tell him what he done with the card was wrong and nasty,Tell him you love his father and that he will always be his fathers son and you will be his step mummy,It must be hard but your gonna have to sort this out alone!!!
- terrkiaLv 41 decade ago
I know how you feel. I used to date a gf with a 3 year old.
It is a passing phase and he will grow out of it. You have to be patient with him. Maybe for now you have to get intimate without him being around you first.
Other things you can try include getting him little gifts to get him to like you more. Find out what he likes from your bf and buy those for him when you see him.
Or get him hooked on computer or cartoons or psp or Wii, things that will get kids distracted so you can have some quality time with your bf.
Building a relationship takes time and some kids have a natural dislike for their father's gfs as they kind of think they are trying to replace their mother. If you can show him unconditional love and try and treat him like your own son, given time, you will definitely win him over.
You have to win him over if you are thinking of something permanent with this bf.
Good Luck!
- 1 decade ago
Are they divorced or never married? If divorced is it possible that he wants his family back? His world has been shattered and he is grieving. If they were never married it might be that he feels like he has to compete against you for the affections of his father. How can a 10 year old do that? Honestly, his father is an insensitive sod. He should act appropriately in front of his child. I don't blame you as he isn't your child and you Will never feel as if he is. Give the kid a break and allow him to spend time with his daddy without you. He can't compete with what you have to offer.
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- kpLv 71 decade ago
That's not a weird obsession. That's a child of divorce who's jealous of his father's new girlfriend. There's nothing weird about it. Give it time.
Assuming Dad doesn't have sole custody (just because most Dads don't), how much time are you spending with them when Dad has the child? That's his time *with the child*, so be careful about how much you impose on that time.
And by the way, I would not suggest that you refer to this child as a 'sissy'.
- 1 decade ago
Oh honey this is only the beggining. I have been with my husband for 4 years. I had no kids and he had 3 prior to our marriage. It was a nightmare. Looking back I should have run run run. His 4 year old daughter was the worst she blamed it all on me, but it was understandable. But she was so mean to me calling me names and screaming to get her dads attention. Once her dad was at the neighbors and I told her It was time to go to bed, and she said she wanted her dad. I told her he was at the neighbors and I would have him come say goodnight when he returned. She got out of bed and ran through the house screaming. I carried her to bed and told her to go to sleep and she told me no. She then started punching the window in her room. I was yelling at her to stop and the next thing you know her fist right through it. ER trip and stitches. When I became pregnant it was the worst. But 4 years later things are just now starting to ge better. Me and the kids talk and get along and there great with my daughter and was happy when they found out that we were pregnant again. If you want it to work you have to hang in there.
- tan0301Lv 51 decade ago
you don't do anything but be nice to him.. the father needs to have a talk with him. He is clearly jealous of your relationship and is probably afraid that you are taking his father from him. His father needs to tell him that no one can every take him away from him. Plan something fun and bonding for the 3 of you.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Well he is little and he wants to bond with his father.Maybe he doesn't want anyone to fall in love with his dad unless it is his mom.So maybe by him a gift and be nice and talk to him and maybe play a board game.
- LolaLv 51 decade ago
Nothing you can do. That's his kid, he needs to step up to the plate and discipline his child. Maybe you should talk to you bf and tell him that this puts him in the middle and you don't want to be the one in the middle. Good luck!
- 1 decade ago
maybe you should try to do something fun with him maybe he just doesnt want another "mom" yet he just needs time i know its been a year but it took me a while too.. g'luck