How much responsibility does a parent have taking care of a mentally ill adult child?

clearly no one who has answered this question has ever suffered for this mental illness and yes it is a mental illness, how did his mental illness start, he might be still having big issues from past like deaths etc etc. depression is an imbalance of hormones in the brain there is medication out there he can take like citalopram, he needs people to talk to and trust, if u kick him out and he might start self harming or even kill him self due to his depression. he is your boyfriends son no matter how old he is

Wow - that's incredibly difficult.

The thing is that there are two questions here: first, what is the limit of a parent's responsibility and second, what is the parent willing to do? It's often the case that the parent is willing to do FAR more than might be required.

Honestly, I think that your BF has a responsibility to try another therapist, or perhaps some tough love and take away things like his computer if he doesn't abide by some rules. (Shower, brush your teeth, hey - how 'bout finding a job, of all the crazy ideas!?)

But there's a limit. And his son should know that this cannot continue.

Speaking of limits, you have to ask yourself how much you can take. Your BF might be a great guy, but this is a heck of a situation to find yourself mired in - and you don't have much ability to change it, either.

If your BF won't face up to his son's problems - and his own role in allowing them to continue - then you have no choice but to walk away.

Depression is not a mental illness, in the sense you need some one to take care of you 24/7. He is LAZY. Thats why his mother had it with him and kicked him out. Tell him he has 6months-1 year to get a job and get out or you will force ably remove him. (By putting all of his stuff out and changing the locks) He understand that by playing the "depression" card he had gotten a 25 year free ride. But its over. He needs to know this. And stick to your word. After the set amount of time kick him out. He will go to his moms or find something to do. I had depression. It sucks but you can work, and go to school. And the reason he is depressed is because he feels worthless because he doesn't do anything (like work) that would make him feel good. Plus being lazy makes you depressed because when you move you get blood to your brain. That gets the hormones going and makes you happy. I understands your boyfriend feeling bad, but thats the only way his son will have a happy and successful life. He needs to understand that. Your boyfriend and his ex wife are not going to be around for ever and if he doesn't learn how to live, what will happen when they both die? Also the reason therapy isn't working is because it only works for people who want to change. He doesn't. He likes being taken care of.

Yeah, you've got a big problem on your hands. He's the type of kid who ends up in jail before 15 years of age if something isn't done. My first suggestion would be to get him to a licensed child psychologist or psychiatrist - it's very likely he'll need to be medicated, at least for a while. Who is "mom"? Is is possible she's causing some of his 'acting out'? If he has an unstable environment, that's just going to make everything worse.

Okay, when I read the question I thought autistic or something. But depression? If he is diagnosed as being handicapped and incapable of working than he can get disability and live in group home, not with your bf. GL.