9 Year old boy 7 year old girl. Parents please read. I need some advice badly!?

Ahh, the plight of a step-parent.

The obvious thing that needs to happen is that their father backs you 100%. He should tell the kids that if you say something to them, it is just like him saying something to them. If they disobey you, it is the same as them disobeying him. When they start to get punished for disobeying you, they will change their behavior.

If your husband doesn't support you this way, you are really in a tough position. You can't let them continue to behave this way, because it will set a bad example for your baby.

Could the father's lack of discipline be one of the reasons why he is divorced? If so, you may want to reconsider raising your child in this environment, or else in 7 years you will be having the same problems with your own child.

The bottom line, is that the father needs to step up.

Enlist their mom's help. Emphasize to her that you don't want to take her place, but that you don't want her kids in danger while they are with you , either. Ask her to remind them that while they are at your house they have to obey you.

Find out what the rules are at her house, and try and make the rules consistent at your house too.

And talk to your husband. Let him know that undermining your authority with his kids is NOT acceptable. Ask him how he would feel if you told the baby that daddy didn't matter, and he had to obey only your rules... point out that that is what he's doing every time he doesn't back you up with his kids.

If your spouse and his Ex can be civil, get a baby-sitter one night, and the three of you go out to dinner, discuss the kids, and how the rules should change now that they're growing up. Get everyone on the same page, because otherwise the kids are going to become master manipulators.

Good luck. I hope , for the kid's sake, that their parents will start backing you up.

You and your husband need to get on the same page. That type of playing is not appropriate for children of that age. When I was a kid and got grounded, that meant no playing outside. You and your husband need to sit down with them and explain that they should not be playing those games. Give them some suggestions on what games are allowed like playing tag or hide and seek. If they didn't know those games were not allowed before, then maybe they should not be punished the first time. Once they know the rules, if they disobey, they should certainly be made to face consequences.

First of all, it sounds like you care for your stepchildren very much! Kuddos for working with their father and their mother. It sounds like you are doing the right thing. I would be open to these kids about how you feel. Tell them that they are not allowed to play these games with the other kids, and if they disobey then there will be consequences. Limit their time they spend with these children. As for the "your not my mom" attitude, I know it's hard, but try to be a little understanding. Divorce is not easy for children. More than anything, they want their mom and dad to be together. I know this is hard to hear, but their ideal family would be the original one they had. They have no choice but to be dragged into the choices adults make. It is a hard adjustment. You are going to be dealing with resentment for awhile - especially since their is a new baby involved. This baby has an intact home. Be prepared to deal with these complex relationships. There will be jealousy issue that will arise. Your stepchildren will feel that your kid is treated differently. I would make special time with your step kids. Remind them how much you love them. Make them feel important. They will act out because of the situation their father created for them.

I would say that the kids are your husbands responsibility, so if he is not in the house then they shouldn't be either. That is they should have gone out with him. They have come to visit him right? So he shouldn't go out and leave them behind. They have this attitude to you because they do not want to be with you, they want to be with their dad. I'm not saying they are right to treat you badly, only that looking at it from the kids point of view, they feel they are missing out on being with their dad. Make him look after them.

I empathise with you. It's the hardest thing in the world to be a step-parent because they all use this excuse that you have mentioned "You are not my mother!".

And if you put your foot down, you very often come against opposition from the father, who is usually over-protective.

You have to discuss the matter with your husband, telling him that you feel out of control because his kids will not co-operate with you and are taking advantage of the fact that you have a new baby in the house.

Let him be the one to put his foot down and set the boundaries and tell them that you are in authority in no uncertain terms and will report back to him on any bad behaviour and it will be dealt with!

sadly this is the case all over the usa not just in your town. i was in foster care as a child and adopted. and i saw some very troubled kids in and out of my home. one of my foster sisters were 7 years old and had already had sex with a 9 year old. no lie. kids know more about sex than you may think. i knew all about sex and many things i shouldnt before i got into kindergarten because of my birth mother and what she watched on tv and her lifestyle in general. it wasnt uncommon to walk in on her having sex with a different man all the time. Tv plays a huge part in what these kids deal with everyday. my children are 14 months and 2 weeks. i took my antannae off and have no access to cable or any tv channels. i only let them watch dvds,. if i need the news i go to the internet. so my kids wont see or hear anything bad. lus schools also play a big part. many little kids are going to school with older children,riding the buses,eating lunch with and conversing with older kids who have alot more knowledge of sex,kissing, things like that.

children at the age of 7 and 9 do not need priivacy like that. the only privacy they deserve at that age is while they are in the bathrrom, or getting dressed. you have all the right to go and break up what you see happening. and then suggest they can come inside with their friends and watch a movie or go to the mall with you. but if they are talking like this with their friends alot of alone time with these friends isnt a good idea. before you know it they will be sneaking out of the house to go get into things they arent supposed to. you have to control the situation before it gets out of hand. once kids are exposed to physical parts of life there is no turining back. it only gets worse. and if you yell and punish they will rebel and do things they know will make you mad. i am only 21 it hasnt been very long since i was a kid , i know how it works. i wish you lots of luck . i just hope they havent already done something they arent supposed to. talk talk talk to them it might be the only way to get through .

I had step kids and it is tough at first. Mostly their dad and bio mom need to lay down the law. You are the parent now and do have control.

It was hardest for me b/c the little girl at lest felt she owed it to her mom to dislike me. We got thru it and are very close now.

In your case you need help. The kids need to be in the house or checking in regularly at that age.

If their mom gave you permission to ground them DO IT. It doesn't matter if you are not their real mom or not. It is still YOUR HOUSE and they need to learn to respect the rules while they are there and their mom mom needs to back you up on this. Your husband needs to get a backbone when it comes to dealing with his kids or he is in for a rude awakening in a few years when they are teens.

You need to bring that kid inside now and deal with the dad later....YOu are responsible for him right now, and dad is not home....take control of this situation