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Is being childfree for now as commendable as being childfree by choice?

The reason I ask this is because, the few boards I have been to and seen in passing where, SOME if not MOST CFBCer's don't see my choice of not having kids now as commendable at all. They just see me as a "pre-parent". Which I find pretty presumptious on anyone's part. Because I have never said one day my purpose is to have kids. I may want them but I could change my mind down the road, and I don't feel a "oh" would suffice for me not doing what they thought I would do in the first place.

That doesn't really make me mad. But what does make me mad is they want everyone else to accept their choice in the "child-centric" society today and let them have their choice. But they won't acknowledge younger or even some older people that think about having kids and choose to wait til they are more secure financially or whatever.

I have also noticed from the few sites I have come across on the web, they have given people without kids that want them the old term of being childless.

Update:

I have nothing against the term childless or the child-free period. But what I do have a problem with is the fact that the few I have come across on a message board or two think its ok to define who I am but don't want me to do the same to them.

I mean a few have said I was childless. And personally I don't agree because of the fact that to me childless means you actively tried to have kids and for some reason or other can't have the child you wanted. I'm a virgin still and not even dating so I know i don't fit that category. So I think being considered childless or by circumstance is misplaced.

Anywho any thoughts on this? Also I'm not bashing the childfree lifestyle I say live and let live, just don't tell me how to live my life if you don't want me to do the same.

Update 2:

To confused, I say I care because it seems kind of incorrect of some people to be asked to be treated as equals, and then try and shut down someone else's choice like that.

I also consider myself to be child-free for right now because its how I chose to live my life now. I'm not asking this as a random person. I'm asking this because I have heard from a few friends and people in general that say that some people don't even think before they have kids and when I actively choose to, I get criticized for it. I don't like that at all, because to me its very contradictory to the way some CFer's say they wish to be treated equally.

And yes I do see myself as me on a daily basis, but my life choice for the time being is to be without children for now. Not to be childless, but to still be free to do as I wish to do and not feel the need to procreate so insistently.

8 Answers

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  • Marvin
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You are up against the ignorant. Why do you care what they think? Clearly people are always going to think they know better than you. It is human nature to label people that think differently wrong. Just ignore them and go about your life.

    Too many childfree people consider it a political issue. Well it is not a political issue, it is a lifestyle and nobody else's business. The opinions of the child-centric majority are just that: opinions, and not worth a second thought until they get in your face about it. When they do, then you fight back. I have taken this up with HR more than once, in my workplace.

    Edit: Being childfree for now, often results in being childfree for life. You can change you mind if you like, but I doubt you will.

  • 1 decade ago

    Childfree is generally accepted as meaning that you never want kids and will not have them (meaning if you got pregnant you'd have an abortion or possibly adopt out). If you're "on the fence" then you're considered childless. It doesn't matter whether or not you are trying, the indecision is what makes the difference. I've been childfree since my teens, in that I never wanted them and never had any intention of changing my mind, and I've been involved with the online CF "community" for over 10 years. Why does it matter what you're called? I have every respect for "fence-sitters," but they are not childfree.

    ETA: A parent of seven has no clue what childfree means.

  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds like a bunch of convuloted PC crap to me. If you want children at some point who cares what someone else thinks? If you decide not to have children because you don't want to be a parent or have that responsibility, cool, it is entirely your choice. The only difference between being childless and being child-free is the negative context which is being placed on the wording. They mean exactly the same thing.

    I have seven children and take in unwanted children, that was my life choice and I am very happy with it. My oldest daughter doesn't want children, she has a full life and a wonderful partner who feels the same way. That is their choice and they are happy with it.

    So whatever wording is used, the end result is, are you happy with your choice? If you are tell the rest of the symantic playing folks to piss off.

  • 1 decade ago

    There's no such thing as "childfree for now." Childfree is an absolute: don't want them, not going to have them, aren't interested in them. Perhaps you're a fence-sitter (you haven't ruled out having kids) or you're waiting until you are more stable and have the resources to properly care for a kid (a wise move!), but "childfree for now" doesn't compute.

    And "childfree by choice" is actually a redundancy. The word "childfree" implies the choice, because if a person is "childfree, not by choice" they are generally child*less*--that is, they want them but cannot have them. But either way, why are you looking for validation from people who don't share the views you've stated above: "...people that think about having kids and choose to wait til they are more secure financially or whatever," a direct quote from your post.

    People that think about having kids aren't childfree. Those of us who are, applaud your restraint for waiting until you have the resources to properly care for them because that increases the chances that you might actually be a parent and not just a breeder. But until you've decided you're absolutely not having kids, you're not childfree, and "childfree for now" is insulting to the people who have made the decision because it implies that the decision to be CF, which generally comes with a lot of thought, is just a silly, juvenile whim that people grow out of when they become "mature" and "responsible" adults.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Agreed.

    I am also child free by choice. My husband and I have decided that children are not for us (however, I am a stepmother to his children from a previous marriage). I get the question all the time of when are we going to have kids and start a family. Well to me, him and I are already a family, and I just don't understand people's need to see a child to call it a family.

    As much as you people with children think that you don't "look down" on child free people....you do.

  • 1 decade ago

    I think the point is - why do you care - you're not child-free anyway - you're just a couple. How ridiculous to even ponder it. I don't give a crap for people's opinions on my lifestyle - you should do the same. I have kids - but if I didn't that would be my business and I certainly wouldn't think of myself as "childfree" I would think of me as "me" or "us".

  • 1 decade ago

    I definitely agree.

    I'm childfree by a permanant choice. I may be young (19) but I am anti-child.

    People always ask me "Who's going to take care of you when you're older". These people are so judgemental and arrogant. They (parents/wannabes) need to understand that kids aren't for everybody.

  • 1 decade ago

    Being child free by choice for life is the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard of. why in the world would one not want children? sounds like you're associating yourself with some real idiots

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