My wedding, and my mother, are getting out of control!?!?

Deep breaths, deep breaths! :) If you can't afford it, and she can't either, just keep kindly explaining, like a broken record, "I hear you, mom, but we don't have the money to fund any more things, and so unless feel that you would like to pay for this, I'm afraid there is no way this will be able to happen." Lather, rinse, repeat as necessary.

Methinks your mom is overdoing it - I agree with you, not every second of the time needs to be planned. And furthermore, what about the rehearsal dinner (which, BTW, is typically paid for by the groom's family)? What's this with the wine tasting? People need to have the time to relax and socialize and enjoy the beach, or read a book by the pool, they are not 5-year olds, and they do not need or maybe even do not WANT someone to schedule their every minute; I'm with you. Your mom is just getting hyper-nervous, and is over-thinking. If you have some sort of commercially-prepared wedding checklist - or if you can FIND one that suits your needs - you can point out gently that it does not list these things, and therefore such activities are not traditional and certainly not required. (I mean, come on - planning for the night AFTER??!! You, and they, may not even be there! Get real!!!!)

When she pulls this stunt, you can say you appreciate her thoughtfulness (yeah, I know, bite your tongue!!!), but it is important to keep the budget in mind, and you are sure that your guests will enjoy themselves. Say this kindly, and without a trace of frustration in your voice, even if you feel like you've said it fifteen times, and you'd like to choke her.

Look at it this way, sweetie - it's good practice for being a parent, when you have a 4-year old that is diligently and constantly thinking up new ways to create mayhem and destruction! LOL. It is a wonderful skill to learn the art of deflection, which I know is REALLY challenging for straightfoward, say-it-like-it-is kinds of people like you and me!!! Good luck, and hang in there!

Oh, and remember that every hotel in the world has tourist information and flyers in the lobby. Part of the fun in traveling is the special activities you can find through your own hotel.

PS. Given your comment about your fiance's lack of help in the planning, then maybe you can use that information, if you choose to, in talking with your mom. "I am just out of time and energy, as well as money, to be planning any more than is already on our plates. I know you mean to be thoughtful, mom, but really, you are just stressing me out with these add-ons, and I really please wish you would stop. "

I almost had the same problem. What I did was first placed my hands on my moms shoulders and looked her very seriously in the eyes and softly, yet very firmly told her "Mom, this is my wedding, and my special day. It may not go exactly as planned, or as dreamed, but this day will be perfect no matter what happens because I am marrying the man I love." Of course add your own twist to it, but that should get the general idea across to your mom that you want to have control of what is going on, and that the wedding doesn't have to be "perfect" and fully planned out to be the best day of your life. If that does not get the point across, try a little reverse psychology on her. Tell her you want to change all you plans and go way out in left field, like telling her you have decided you want to have an Elvis theme wedding in Vegas or something. She will be happy to hear that later you decided to switch back to most of your original plans.

I really encourage you not to fill all the time you have at your wedding. Things always seem to take up more time than you can plan for, so any little gaps of time between events will quickly get filled.

Take a deep breath, and enjoy your happy day ;)

You're right, of course, your guests don't want all their time planned, they're adults and know how to have fun on their own. So, don't plan anything. Tell your mom you want to have a perfect wedding and reception and that's all you have the time and energy to focus on without becoming overwhelmed and stressed (if you could shed a little tear at this point...). Then step out of it. Think about canceling the wine tasting if you won't enjoy it or if you think drinking and/or driving might be a problem.

What your mom can do is contact people at their hotels or before the wedding by mail(don't help her!) and invite them for a drink the night before at a restaurant or bar. "While the bride and groom are busy getting ready for the big day we're going to sip a glass of champagne in their honor". Then your mom just has to pay for the first drink, people don't feel obligated to come, your mom will feel like she's entertaining the crowd, and you don't have to be there. The same thing could work for the day after, again you don't have to be there.

Instead of planning every second that the guests are there, maybe it would be better if you just did a little research on attractions and things to do in Clearwater and sent a little memo out to your guests. Let them decide what they want to do while they are in the area! You don't want to be obligated to entertain then the entire time, and I'm sure they don't want to have an itinerary the entire time either!

P.S. I am having the same problems. My wedding is in ONE month and the MIL keeps throwing more guests to the list even though the final count for food and everything has been submitted. I feel for you!

You need to flat out tell your mom that although you would like to have fun things for everyone to do the entire time, you simply can't afford to pay for everyone to do them. And the night after the wedding, I think you and your new husband should be spending some one-on-one time, not worrying about entertaining your guests! You need to just tell her how you feel about everything, or else this next month will be miserable for you!

Just keep in mind that in the end, it will all be worth it! Good luck!

My wife's mother was like that when I got married. You have to stand your ground. Just have a good time and remember something you don't plan always seems to go wrong but just keep your mind on the happy goal and you will be ok. For all the planning you have done, the day goes by so fast.

I think you just calmly need to tell her you are very happy and appreciative that she has done so much for you, but you and your fiance are unable to fund these events. And just leave it at that.

I know everything is done, but the last month is the worse because you (and your mother) think of every possible thing you could possibly do or could go wrong. About a month before my wedding I was ready to elope. Just hang in there, it will be okay.

Ahhhh, yes, Bride Hell. We have pretty much all been through it.

Just keep it simple. Tell her if she wants to do something not on your list then she needs to plan it and pay for it herself.

My son got married in March and it was a lovely wedding, but they had so much planned for every waking minute - it was just too much.

Guests need a chance to settle down and rest or go do things they want to do - especially if they are first time visitors to your area.

Just say NO.

Maybe she's just super-excited that her daughter's getting married, and wants it to be a total "event," like the ones you see on Platinum Weddings, but she's forgetting the minor detail of you not being able to afford all the extra parties, etc. Maybe youcan compromise with some less-expensive activities at the beach, like a fun bonfire the night after, or maybe a goofy field-day type thing with silly events like three-legged races and egg-and-spoon races and stuff. It will be fun for everyone but it won't cost you much at all. Your mom's right, though, by the way- destination weddings like the one you're having should be planned with an itinerary of fun activities besides the wedding and reception. If your guests choose to go off by themselves, that's their choice, but as the hosts of this wedding weekend, you need to offer them some activities.

Put your foot down and tell your mom that you simply cannot afford to do all of those activities and fund them for your guests. Tell her that you don't need to plan every minute of every day for them and would like to leave them time to enjoy themselves and do their own thing--I'm sure that they'll be thankful because it's tiring to have activities planned all day, everyday for guests.

Once you've explained it to her, don't even bother entertaining her ideas at that point. The more you take notice of it and get worked up, the harder it will be.