Afraid of Marriage...married people please read and answer questions?

1. Do you still love your spouse the same as you did when you first got married? No, I love her much more deeply than I did then. What we have now is a mature love that feels very secure and steady.

2. Do you still find your spouse sexually attractive and do you have regular sex? Yes, I do think she's sexy and we have sex usually 2 or 3 times per week.

3. Has marriage become mundane and do you feel tired of coming home to the same person every day? You say "mundane" like it's a bad word, but I think of it as a lack of drama. I like my life and my family. I look forward to going home every day.

Do Kids kill the romance? Nope, our 15 year old gives us the "Ewww, quit it you guys," when we make out too much, but we don't care.

4. Do arguments and old grudges distance you from your spouse to the point that you wish you were divorced? This was a point of contention in our past, but we were able to overcome it. If you work at resentments, they can be overcome and laid to rest. As for arguing, we generally handle our disagreements maturely and cooperatively.

5. When you go out with friends of same sex without your spouse, do you contemplate whether or not to cheat if you could get away with it? I do not. That's kind of a strange question, actually. Maybe it's strange to me because I don't think of going out without my wife. We have couples friends that we sometimes do things with, but married people have no business going to bars and clubs without their spouses.

6. Have you cheated and why? I did cheat on my wife many years ago, because I was selfish and emotionally immature. The trauma I put us through forced me to grow up a lot, and I consider myself to be a much better man now who earned his wife's forgiveness. For forgiving me, she has my eternal gratitude.

Howdy!

First off, I have to tell you that my initial reaction to the (very) brief background you gave was that you may be expecting impossible perfection. Leaving that aside for a moment, let me answer your questions.

First, I've been married to my highschool sweetheart for 20 years now.

1. The same? No. I love her more, and in a deeper way, with a few less stars and fireworks and a lot more satisfaction and calm comfortable happiness.

2. I find her very sexually attractive, and we have sex about three times a week, and have "great sex" maybe once or twice a month. Even when we don't have sex, snuggling and making out are still enough to keep those home fires burning, as it were.

3. a. Marriage has not become mundane or tiresome, but it has, in fact, become comfortable and comforting. I miss her if I have to go out of town, and I enjoy the familiarity and comfort of our routine when I'm home. I also love the fact that after all these years, I still don't have her completely figured out, and she still surprises me pretty frequently.

b. We have a total of five kids, and they DO put a strain on the relationship, just in terms of time and energy and focus. However, as they get older, that strain can diminish, and in most all ways, having kids has forged a closer, stronger bond between us.

4. I forgive and forget. Thankfully, she does too. When we have an issue, or somone's feelings get hurt, we talk it through and make up, and adjust our behavior, and then forget it. No, I've never seriously contemplated getting a divorce.

5. Nope. I'm an old guy, and the only sort of female that might tempt me at all are ones who wouldn't look at me twice. Moreover, and much more importantly, while it's fun to look, I'd never risk what I have for a few hours of sweaty wrestling with some girl. Same thing as driving drunk. It's just not worth the risk and the pain.

6. I have. I was deployed to Saudi Arabia during the First Gulf War, and I had been there for near seven months, and was terribly lonely and miserable. I knew the ground war was coming, and nobody knew what would happen, but we were told (as the point element of the Marine forces driving into Kuwait) that we should expect 40% casualties. I was terrified, alone, and pretty sure I might never see home or family again, and would never have a chance to....connect to another human being. She was a navy NCO, and we were thrown together for a few days fixing a supply issue, and....we both sort of clung to each other right from the start. It was stupid and selfish, and I felt horrible about it afterward, and I admitted it as soon as I could look my wife in the eye. Thank all the Gods above, she forgave me, and admitted a similar slip at about the same time while I was away. I forgave her, too, and we've been very happy since.

So there's the thing. Marriage means forgiving other's failures and faults, and moving on. Nobody is perfect, and if you go out looking for perfection, I fear you'll never find it.

Good luck!

1. Do you still love your spouse the same as you did when you first got married?

Still Yes - the Same - No

2. Do you still find your spouse sexually attractive and do you have regular sex?

Yes - not regular enough for me!

3. Has marriage become mundane and do you feel tired of coming home to the same person every day? Do Kids kill the romance?

Mundane sometimes because life is busy and it's hard to find TIME for fun it seems. BUT NO kids haven't killed any romance. That's either there or it isn't.

4. Do arguments and old grudges distance you from your spouse to the point that you wish you were divorced?

We seldom argue and I don't old grudges - so no.

5. When you go out with friends of same sex without your spouse, do you contemplate whether or not to cheat if you could get away with it?

NO, I seldom go out without my husband. I don't think that's wise if done regularly especially. It puts people in positions where they make unwise and inappropriate decisions. WHen you are married you should be with THEM not living a single life with single people. Go out with groups & couples not single friends.

Don't be afraid of marriage. It can be a wonderful thing but it isn't perfect any more than ANY ONE PERSON is either. Just don't settle. You need to meet women is places where NICE WOMEN are.... that is tricky these days as well I think. A good, positive, healthy, sharing, unselfish relationship should be what you seek and demand in a long term relationship. Don't give up but don't give in or settle either.... I didn't marry til I was 30 and have been married 21 yrs now. Marriage is TOUGH even in the best of situations - but it's worth the investment if it's the right person.

Well, I've only been with my husband for about 4 years... Don't know if it qualifies as a "number" of years, but here's my two cents.

1) I love him more now than when we got married. With each passing year, I love him more, not less.

2) Sex has never been a big part of our relationship, and it's ok with me. It's not an issue for either of us.

3) Quite the opposite - I look forward to coming home every day; I feel happy if I see his car in the driveway when I get home, and I feel a little disappointed if he gets delayed at work. It's a joy to come home to the same person every day. Can't answer about the kids - we don't have any - but both of my parents say that the happiest time of their marriage was when my brother and I were growing up.

4) No, we solve our conflicts quickly, and don't hold grudges.

5) No, I don't plot to cheat or get away with anything; if I happen to go out without my spouse (which doesn't happen very often, we prefer doing things together), I just enjoy myself with my friends.

6) No; if we decided to bring other people into the marriage, it would be consensual.

Bottom line, I enjoy the companionship of one "special" person, and I'm willing to take the risks associated with being in a relationship. Yes, it's scary to think that there are no guarantees, and that I might lose this person (be it to an accident, disease or another woman) - but these are acceptable risks to me. I try to focus on the here and now, and the "here and now" for us are enjoyable. Even if I were to lose my husband in the future, it would not invalidate the happy years we spent together. I had been divorced twice before - yes, it can be hard, but it's something I know I can get over. I'm willing to take my chances. Whether or not you are is up to you to decide. You don't *have* to get married, you know.

1. Do you still love your spouse the same as you did when you first got married? YES. More, actually.

2. Do you still find your spouse sexually attractive and do you have regular sex? YES. More, actually.

3. Has marriage become mundane and do you feel tired of coming home to the same person every day? NO. Who else would I want to come home to?

Do Kids kill the romance? NO. But they make you work a bit to keep it going.

4. Do arguments and old grudges distance you from your spouse to the point that you wish you were divorced? NO. We talked those out a long time ago.

5. When you go out with friends of same sex without your spouse, do you contemplate whether or not to cheat if you could get away with it? NO. No honor in that.

6. Have you cheated and why? NO. No honor in that.

Your friends warn you not to get married. Hide and watch them get married again. (Or you've got such a sourball bunch of friends that it's a mercy they don't marry again.)

1. I love him more deeply.

2. We are still sexually attracted to each other and have sex on a regular basis.

3. marriage is never mundane. Our routine can be if we let it. We love coming home to each other and I still get excited when I know that he's on his way. Having kids just make us a little more creative about quality time.

4. There are times when we allow our negative emotions to distance us. However, it also forces us to reevaluate how important the grudge or argument really was in the grand scheme of things. We work harder to find some common ground so that we can move on and get back to being a happy couple.

5. No. The grass isn't usually greener. My relationship with my husband is too important to me. If I felt the need for excitement, we could certainly create our own "scene".

6. No. See #5

Where do you meet these people? You are old enough to be able to tell a lady from a floozy from a brat. Stay away from the clubs and bars. I don't know you personally but I'm going to throw out a few tried and true methods for meeting quality people...

Change your friends, change your life.

Wherever the type of person you want to meet hangs, thats where you need to be. same goes for what they like to do. Try a new hobby.

Dress for success. Professional relationships, romantic ones, it's not much different.

Food for thought...

You are who your friends are, or you are who you attract. Its amazing what a lack of self confidence or self esteem will cause people to do to themselves and others.

I have to wonder where you are meeting these women they sound really childish. I will try and answer your questions the best I can. I am 37 and we have been together 13 years. We went into it thinking like this. There is no divorce, death is the only way out. If you even allow yourself to think divorce, you going in the wrong direction even before you get married.

1. Yes. I still do love him like I did when we got married. It has changed some, it stronger. I know he is there for me no matter what.

2. I think he is the sexiest guy around. And for the most part we do have sex regularly.

3A. Yes marriage can become mundane. You have to work at it keep it interesting and keep the lines of communication open. Stress doesn't help. I am not tired of coming home to him, there is no one else I would rather be with. We all want time alone, its human nature.

3B. Kids add stress to your life no doubt about it. We have 2 both teen boys. If we allowed them to I am sure that the would kill whatever romance we have. We have date night. No kids allowed. Just us. It can be going to a drive-in movie, going out to hear a band, it can be just going to McDonalds. It is just time for me and him.

4. Everyone argues. We try to follow some advice given on the day we got married from a family member that has been married over 50 years. Don't hold grudges, keep arguements fair, don't go to bed mad. Work it out before you go to sleep.

5. I rarely go out without him. But once in a great while I do. Why would I cheat? That is silly. I said my vows and I plan to stick to them. There is nothing that some guy can do for me that I can't find at home, except for lies, hurt, and guilt.

6. I have not cheated. I just don't see the point of it. When we started dating I was dating (not sleeping with) my now husband and someone else. I saw things in the other person that I didn't like.

You need to look for someone with the same values as you. Someone you can't imagine not having in your life. My grandma always told me when you find the right one you will just know. I did know. I married my friend, lover, and the one person that understood me. Divorce makes people bitter over marriage, with due cause. Basically marriage is alot of work. It is what you want to make it. It isn't a game or for the faint of heart. There is days you will be mad enough to bit nails in half, but in the end it is worth it, if you are with the right one.

Hope that helps.

well first of all ur friends are discouraging u not to get married just b/c there marriage did not work that does not mean urs wont. u can not base marriage on the things that has happened to u in the past b/c that will also detour u frm getting married. u just have to take ur time at love and not rush it. that special someone will come to u at the right time (TRY E-HARMONY.com) have faith and u will find that right some one. now for ur questions i have only been married 5 years we have been together a total of 8 years and yes i love my husband more than i did when i first meet him b/c he treats me like i am his #1 priority (HINT:women like that) and i am still sexually attracted to him. i love seeing my husband walk through the door when he comes home for work that is when the fun begins.we have arguments but effective communication will sort out any diffrences u may have with one another. first a married man/women should not go out with the same sex alone with out ther spouse that is a disaster waiting to happen. married people should have married friends and not single friends b/c single people like to hang out like they have no care or responsibility in the world. and i have not cheated. dont be scared u have to trust and know that when u are in a relationship that the person u married will be faithful to u always ADVICE: if the person is a cheater before marriage then marriage wont stop the cheating or what ever the bad habit is thats why marriage is such and epidemic people get married for all the wrong reasons.HOPE THIS HELPS. good luck

Dude. Your picker is off. Find out why you are attracting women like that. Where are you meeting these people? In bars? My best friend is a 39 yr old man & he has the same problem you do. I keep telling him to stop meeting hoochies & all his problems will go away. Anyway I am newly married & my 2 best girlfriends have been married a long time. None of us party outside. A BBQ & some beer is about the extent of that. The most we see each other for is lunch if we happen to be working close to one another.

My husband & I have only been together for 2 yrs but I'll answer anyway. Yes I love him MORE everyday. The deep love. Sometimes I want to slap him but whatever. I still love the guy more than anything. Yes I'm attracted to him. No I'm not tired of coming home to him. I don't have kids but some of my friends are a little overwhelmed by that. We don't hang on to grudges. Be battle it out if necessary & we're done with it. I don't go out with my girlfriends like that and no I would never consider cheating EVER. And no I have never cheated on anyone at anytime in my life & neither has my husband.

Personally,

I love my hubby more then ever. I feel like i have the most attractive husband and therefore i never go out to look for someone else. I have never cheated on him. We've argued about small things but we end up making it work. I don't have those bad influence friends, so no! I never talk about cheating on him. We always talk about how to surprise our husbands and the kids, and stuff like that. Sometimes taking care of the kids seems to be the "problem" in our arguments. But that shouldn't be a problem because we share the same responsibilities as parents. When i'm really fired up yes, i wish i could divorce him, but i keep my cool and get over that idea. But I can say I am happily married for 10 yrs. And although i am very young, I can say that this is the person who I want to spend the rest of life with and be faithful because I wouldn't want to ruin it =)