I lost my beloved 12 year old cat yesterday. How can I cope with this huge hole in my heart?

You've brought back memories of how I felt when my last cat died. I completely understand how you feel.

But listen, cats are very good at hiding when they're in pain or feeling bad. So it's very likely that you DIDN'T miss any symptoms. So please don't feel bad about that. Besides that, while I have no idea what happened to him, it sounds like something that wouldn't have symptoms beforehand, like a heart attack or stroke.

And as for the decision you made, I'm sure it was the right one. You wouldn't have done that lightly and I'm sure that you were right that he was already gone in spirit.

I think it's fantastic that you were able to hold him at the end - that sounds like a wonderful vet!

I think what you're feeling is completely normal. Even if it's not, so what - it's how you feel and that's that. Anyone gives you any crap, send them to me!

As I said, that's how I reacted when Martha died. Every morning driving to work I'd start crying, and it would come over me out of nowhere at home too.

As for your worry that he might have been saved, talk to your vet again. It seems obvious that they didn't think he could be or they would have mentioned it at the time. Vets, even the bad ones, do love animals. And if they were moneygrubbers, they could have made more money off you with tests and keeping him alive than in humanely letting him go. So I think you made the right choice.

You're going to feel how you feel for as long as you need to feel it. But I just wanted to mention a couple of things that helped me.

I put together a photo album/scrap book for Martha. I dug out all the pics of her that had been mixed in with our other photos and put them in a special book with cute little captions. Doing this reminded me of the good days. And sure, it's stained with a lot of tears but they were healing.

I see that you have other kitties. Hopefully their antics and love will help you through!

You have my extreme sympathies, and I'm sending you a mental bouquet of roses!

EDIT: And I see no one has mentioned the rainbow bridge.

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. Twenty years is such a long time! He must have been well cared for to live that long! Some people might tell you that you need to go out and get another kitty right away but I would suggest against that. Just give yourself as much time as you need to deal with Merlin's death. Just like a human, a pet is an extremely important part of your family and not replaceable! I don't know how else to tell you deal with the situation. Everyone is different and need different amounts of time. When I had lost my dog I kept a picture of her on my bedroom door and when it started to not hurt as badly to look at her I was able to start thinking about getting a new pet. Once you start not to feel the pain so sharply and are better able to reminisce about the memories of your pet in a happy way THEN you know the healing process is working.

First of all, I'm really sorry for your loss. It's a shock when this happens.

Don't feel bad about not spotting any signs...cats are very good at not looking sick and these things can just come out of the blue.

You have to have a chance to grieve. You've lost a member of your family. When I had to put down one of my cats I ended up crying my eyes out on the metro going to work and ended up turning around and going home...I couldn't face the world and needed to just have some time. Time is a healer though and when you've had a chance to feel bad you'll start feeling better.

So sit down and have a good cry if that's what you need. Remember how wonderful the cat was and what a great life he had with you. I know it's very hard but things will get better.

Poor baby, Soooo sorry, we've all been through it and it is never easy. It's the same as losing a family member.

As some of the others have said maybe you could save a life through adoption of a new kitten.

My heart was broken a few months ago when my beautiful rag-doll was killed. Also someone shot my beautiful blue a Siamese who got out by accident. I don't think I will ever ever get over it, but time will help to heal your heart.

This helped me: I wrote down everything I loved about my cats nicknames, funny habits, happy memories etc into a little book and each time I would feel sad I'd read it and it bought a smile to my face. This also helps you not to forget anything about your beloved cat for many years to come. God bless you sweetie.

The way you feel is normal... it is called mourning...over the loss of a loved one.

I feel for you. I have had to have several cats put down and the loss even if the cat was sick for a while is real and hurts.

I have 3 cats now because of this. I have a 19 yr old and she is a grumpy sweet old lady and will miss her sorely when she dies or I have to have her put down.

You did the right thing... you didn't know what was wrong with him... and he was gravely ill. Their little bodies really can't take much and you did the kindest thing for him.

I AM REALLY SORRY YOU LOST YOUR Love.

I would get another friend as soon as possible... (remember this is not a replacement... you can never do that) but it is a new personality which will be interesting and will be a distraction for your grief.

good luck >^..^<

I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost a beautiful cat because I didn't realize how sick he was. He was only 3 and had polycystic kidney disease and I thought he was just getting thin from hairballs. Don't beat yourself up. 12 years is a pretty good life that you gave him. Do what I did. Go to a cat rescue and pick out another friend. He won't be the same, but in time the pain will lessen and you will have a great new pal.

Are you Freaking Serious??? http://petloss.com/

I am SO sorry. I cried when I read this! It's normal to miss your cat. Sometimes, pets "hide" their illness and sometimes they really do get ill suddenly and there is no warning. It's not your fault. It was his time. I know you did the right thing. Chances are if you would have tried to nurse him back to health, he would have died anyway. If there was pills or treatments that more money could have bought, would that really have given him a better life? He'd still be sick and his quality of life may not have been good. At that point, it's selfish to keep him around. I've been through this before. It's not easy, but you need to get a grip. E-mail me if you want. Until then, find some solice in this, it's helped me get through it:

http://www.indigo.org/rainbowbridge_ver2.html

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

I know how you feel. A little over 2 years ago my precious 16 year old cat Bobby died in my arms. I will never forget seeing the life leave his little eyes. It hurt me so bad and I kept thinking what if I had taken him to the second vet earlier? What if I had more money? Maybe they would have been more willing to help me but you know we can't beat ourselves up over things like this. Your little cat is now up with my Bobby frolicking and playing together. I tell you something that made me cope is when my friend told me that we all get to live in a mansion in heaven when we die and that little Bobby was up there waiting for me at my mansion and he will come running and meet me when my time comes like he always used to do here. It's hard to deal with. It's horrible pain but you will get passed it. I have a cat now named Leo. Leo turned 15 in May so I worry about him a lot but I am going to cherish each and every moment I have with Leo. After Bobby died I said I didn't think I wanted to get any new cats but 4 months later I went to the Humane Society and adopted Jasper and even though he will never take the place of Bobby in mine and my mother's heart he sure does bring us a lot of joy and laughter. Your little cat understands why you had to do what you did and someday you will see each other again. Just try to remember the good times and not dwell on the bad memories. If you want to talk you can e-mail me anytime. I know what you are going through.

You made the right decision. Now for fixing the pain, only time will help, but maybe a trip to a shelter or pet store may also, help, not saying to get a new one but sometimes playing with animals that are in need of a home with so much love to give can lift your spirits, and who knows, maybe you will find one that you decide you do want to take home, then you can feel good in your heart that you saved a life, and know your precious is resting in peace.

Sweetie, you really mustn't blame yourself for not realising he was ill. Animals have to be very ill indeed before they show a symptom. It's a survival thing because a wild animal that looks ill will be targeted by predators. Also, animals live in the here and now so though he may not have felt well, he wouldn't be aware that he was dying.

Have you had him cremated or buried? That might make you feel better. I would get out some pics of him and remember all the good times you had with him, and stop beating yourself up.

If you can bear to read it, Kinky Friedman wrote a very beautiful obituary for his cat, Cuddles. It's online at http://able2know.org/topic/586-1

That's so sad... I feel your pain. I guess, if you can, take a few days off of work and just stay home for a while. And think about how sick he was before he was put to sleep, of how much pain he was in. Think now, that all that pain and suffering, is gone, replaced by peace and happiness. He knows you loved him, and that's what matters. keep some of his toys and stuff around as memories. Don't forget him, but don't worry over him so badly that you end up killing yourself. Maybe try adopting a new cat, so that the hole in your heart won't seem so bad. Good luck.