Question for former foster children and/or adoptees?

Yes I was spanked - with a hand, a belt, a board or whatever else was in reach. Add verbal & emotional abuse to the mix. It SUCKED! Heck, someone even reported my parents to the police when I was in Jr. High. But of course, when asked if they hit me I said "No" (afraid to get in more trouble if they found out).

I don't believe in corporal punishment (definition: the deliberate infliction of pain intended to punish a person or change his/her behavior) because of my upbringing. I didn't spank my children & they are both wonderful adults now - my daughter is a loving mom of 2 & happy wife.

Discipline doesn't have to include spanking. BTW - "Spare the rod" refers to the rod shepherds' used to NUDGE or guide sheep in a direction - not to HIT the sheep with. Geez!

As for a contract, it would probably be as binding as "open adoption". No one checks up on kids once the adoption is final. Sad, isn't it?

For things to do INSTEAD of spanking and other interesting facts:

http://nospank.net/pt2009.htm

Well I was in care from the age of 8. I'm now 16 and was adopted last year. I had loads of foster families and only one of them actually spanked me. I also had another one that used to beat me up pretty badly. A 6 foot man against a 4'3 9 year old girl isn't much of a fair fight. I told my social worker and the foster carer was taken off the register and wasn't allowed to foster any more. I was adopted last year by my dads. Neither one of them hit me and they said they never would. They were told when they were going through the adoption process that they couldn't physically discipline an adopted child but theoretically I can't see any way how that could be policed. You have people check up on the child for the first few weeks to make sure everything is going ok and that is about it. Foster parents shouldn't hit the kids, most of the kids have just come out of abusive situations and hitting them isn't going to make life easier for them.

Yes, I was 'spanked'. (And beaten, and whipped, and choked, and had the hair pulled out of my head, and...)

When I was old enough (big enough) I 'spanked' them back.

That ended the spankings of not only me by my little sister as well. My a-father had to work sometime...he couldn't be at home every moment to make sure that I didn't 'respond' (in kind) to any punishment doled to the baby (my little sister was 18 months at the time) so the spankings -- and all other physical punishment -- were over from then on.

When I worked for DCFS in my state, our department had a policy that if a foster (or fost/adopt) parent spanked or physically punished a child in ANY way, they were immediately dismissed and they would NEVER be reinstated -- not to foster, not to adopt -- within the state. We had a few who didn't believe they would 'really' be dismissed because so many foster homes were needed (which they were, and still are). They believe it now.

No such law exists in the state as a whole (with regard to parenting, not foster or adoptive parenting specifically) so, unfortunately, no such thing can/could be enforced in any kind of private/agency adoption (in the state where I live).

We adopted from foster care and it was always my plan to do so---IF the child could not go home. When my daughter hurts--I hurt because home to me is where she comes First. When she searched for her grave all day and couldn't find it she came to me crying and we found it. I felt that pain. To the poster who wanted to be adopted and never got that opportunity I can feel that pain too. Reminds me of someone I talked to the other day who wants to foster teen only and adopt BECAUSE she Understands the pain. I wish you had found your forever family. My daughter was lucky she didn't end up sent to a home of some sort. She loved rainbows and the first rainbow in this town caused our phone lines to go crazy with the neighbors calls re" the rainbow. Sometimes it really does take a community to raise a child. Sometimes guardianship is the only option---one parents rights has not been terminated, the child is over a certain age[here 14] and does not want to be adopted.---Even tho the FP's want to adopt it can't be done.

I was adopted back in the day when it was recommended to not even TELL the child they were adopted.

Was I spanked? Yes. I even remember my a-mother screaming at me because I raised my hand to ward off a blow - "Never raise a hand to a mother!" Whatever. She used to bite my brother's hand when she was pissed at him - and he was her bio kid.

That was then. This is now. I raised my kids in an atmosphere of "spanking is bad". Hopefully, they won't spank their kids.

As for "holding parents accountable" - what are they going to do? Take the kid from you? Issue you adoption demerits? What I do see is where the adoptive parents bribe the child to lie about spanking and/or the child figures out how to manipulate the adoptive parents. Think "unintended consequences".

Yes I was spanked as a kid, sometimes to excess. I don't agree with spanking, particularly when the parent is as mad as a wet hen. No, they didn't have to sign anything, but I was adopted almost 30 years ago, I'm sure that makes a difference.

I was spanked growing up. My parents are from the "spare the rod, spoil the child" philosophy. There are not many parents that still believe in spanking, but I can't imagine signing a document to promise not to. Also, how exactly would you be caught and held accountable for something like that? That seems a little strange to me.

Sure, I was spanked when I deserved it while growing up. Not many in my generation were not.

As for how someone could be held accountable if they do spank...its called the law. At least under Canadian law there are allowances for corporal punishment under clearly defined circumstances by parents, school teachers or person standing in the place of a parent (this does NOT include foster parents since the Director of the Dept is standing in place of a parent and has decreed that there shall be no spanking of foster children). I put a link to the law below.

If someone steps outside of those boundaries then the law holds them accountable. As for adoptive parents, once the adoption is done then I'd argue there is nothing that can be done regardless of any paper that was signed unless it crosses a legal boundary.

None of this is intended to reflect on my personal feeling that there is no need to spank, I'm just talking about it from a realistic perspective under the laws and rules where I live.

Foster parents are not allowed to hit or spank a child: it is against the rules.

Adoptive parents are just like regular parents, they can spank there child without any consequences, although to me it seems like child abuse.

-Tempe

According to foster care system rules - a foster parent is NOT supposed to hit or spank a foster child. They are to use other means to reprimand or punish. In fact, if you intend on "restraining a child" you are supposed to be taught proper restraint techniques by the foster care training. (therapeutic care)

That being said.....I had some foster parents that did alot worse than spank me....and I have the physical scars to prove it.