Step parenting struggle, I am carrying guilt and sense of failure; any one else here in same shoes? ?

we do not have any mutual respect here between my stepson and myself. Is this statement correct? I don't know. I think it is not true, but that is what my SS saying. I have never called him names or lessen his achievements, in my eyes I do respect him, all this h...he has to go thru with living in two houses. I point how smart he is and "good job" he is doing at school, and in sports. There is always tension between us, I don't know why. I want him to participate in family life by doing some not -time -consuming -chores, he gets so mad and raises his voice at me, that I do not have any idea how his life is hard and tense and he doesn't have 15 minutes to do simple things like to shovel a driveway. He says, I do it by my mom, I have to take care of her! Meaning: Do it yourself here. He is mentioning to me I do not care of his mom, who is a single parent. I said, listen, why should I care about snow on your mom's driveway? really why? maybe I should be wiser and say, hey I do care about your mom's driveway and your mom...? I get easily irritated by him lately. Hello, Love, where are you?? The way he is talking to me since he was 9 is unacceptable, like he is an adult and I am a child who needs to be tought what to do and how. I don't know what kind of respect he wants from me. I do respect him very much, and give a huge credit to him for many things. I think he is a cool kid! And I tell everyone so, I have a very nice stepson. But I am a human being too! anyone else here struggling with similar problems?

No suggestions please, how I have to be a friend, and how i have to treat him as my own, and all these other pictures of perfect stepfamily.

thank you for listening.