Really screwed up marriage. Need objective opinions. ?

he is a lying cheating scum bag....

Any male that hits a female is the lowest form of scum on the planet, dump him and cut your losses....why on earth would you want this jerk to be the father of your children!!!

Your words - I cant stand his attitude. Among other things, we're so different, and I really wish I hadn't married him, we're not compatible in our outlooks, values etc.

I know you want a baby, but a baby will not help this situation, only make it more complicated. You have wasted enough of your life on him. Do you expect his parents to babysit him forever? Even with the parents involved he is not safe to be around. I think you have given this your best shot, but there is more to life than financial security. You never know when the next attack is going to happen and that isn't any good for your physical or emotional security. You should feel like your spouse is your best friend and will do anything to protect you. You should not have to wonder if/when he's going to hurt you next because "you pushed his buttons". That is a classic line from most spouse abusers. It allows him to absolve himself of guilt because his violence is your fault, not his. Get out now before it's too late and he really hurts you or kills you. It might be one thing if he recognized he had a problem and was seeking help, but the fact that he lays it all on you is a clear warning sign that things will go back to the way they were as soon as he feels his parents aren't watching him as close.

Yes, although Happily Ever After is a choice. It does exist, but only with sincere intent. Marriages need to be continually fed and nurtured, sadly too many people forget that. The main reason marriages fail is actualy selfishness. A wise man who married his sweetheart in 1937 said “I am satisfied that happiness in marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion" I honestly think that's what's missing in most relationships. Marriage can be entirely satisfying and lasting. For my own part it helps that in my faith, marriages are not till death do us part, the marriage sealing has the potential to go beyond the grave. While that blessing is predicated on a couples choices and faithfulness, I have also taken it to mean that I choose to be with this person forever. I personally commit to work to ensure that outcome. While the getting to know you period before marriage is important, I believe that the person you choose to be afterward makes the greater difference. Also in making your selection of a spouse, I have found that their having integrity, kindness toward you and their fellow men, and that they value/respect you are vital characteristics. All unsuccessful marriages I've known lacked all or most of those. Marriage is a million times better than going it alone. It just takes commitment and conscious choices which is something that, realistically, we are all capable of. Don't give up dreaming of a great wedding/marriage. It can be better than you could possibly imagine and completely worth it. I live it and I've seen it. :)

Okay, you want objective, here goes. You have been in an abusive marriage, and I promise it will continue. Your doing the right thing by going to school to further your career. As long as the abuse has stopped for the time being, I would just allow things to continue. I would start working on an exit plan, just in case. I would open a checking account that is your private unknown account, you will need to start putting back money into it. Your rainy day account. After you have graduated and are ready to step back into the professional business, then you should have money saved back and be ready to leave at the first sign of abuse. Good luck and hopefully things will go smooth for you.

Document everything you have mentioned in your question, find a GOOD divorce lawyer, make sure you know where all the assets are, and are up to date on his financial affairs and then DIVORCE him. This man will not change, however this a good chance of him physically hurting or even killing you......the violence has escalated steadily. You haven't listed one redeeming quality, so why would you think he is going to change? Get out while you still can and DO NOT get pregnant by this man, it will be a form of control that he will have over you. This is not LOVE, this is all about Controlling you.

It sounds like you've finally realized your sick of someone treating you so poorly. It seems like it's a "little too late" for him, because now he has started to clean up his act, but it's too late because you're thinking about divorce.

Why would you regret divorce with him? In case you can't find anyone else to get married to and have a family?

Don't settle for less than what you deserve. You might get a divorce and you might be single for a long time before you find anyone worthy of you, but that's NOT a bad thing. You could use that time to yourself and to figure out what kind of a man you do want in your life. And by dating and going out you will meet him.

You need to figure out if he makes you happy. It seems like you already have your mind made up that he doesn't. Next time he beats you I would call the police, and then you will have proof and good reasoning to end your marriage. The parents will understand.

From my outsiders points of view, I would advise you to leave him straight away. Financial security does not and will not make you happy. What he has done, especially the abuse, is completely unexceptable. The possible cheating? You can't prove that, but it certainly adds to his list of bad qualities. But physically beating someone, choking them, hurting them or in any way taking of advantage of being the person with more physical strength is horrible...and you shouldn't put up with it. He is probably "shaping up" right now because he's worried about losing you, but in my opinion it's just not worth it. Hurting someone physically just once is bad enough and he's done it so many times. Whatever you do, don't get pregnant by him until and if you've worked out your problems. You wouldn't want to have a child with him if you end up divorcing anyway.

I know you don't want to contribute to the high divorce rates, but you have to make sure you are happy because that it much more important. You need to find someone who deserves you. And no, I doubt you gaining weight has anything to do with his behavior.

Goodluck and God Bless :)

You need to get out of there.

You're trying to talk yourself into staying because it's easier.

4 months without violence? That's supposed to be a plus? I've gone my whole life without so much as pushing a woman and if you were my sister or daughter this guy would not have the option of breathing. This is not what you want for your life. You can do better. You could throw a dart into a crowd blindfolded and hit someone better. Thank god you don't have any kids with this loser.

No. You should not give this man a chance to redeem himself.

1. he does not want to redeem himself. If he did, he would agree to a counselor.

2. He blames you for angering him. He is abusive, physically and emotionally.

3. He has no respect for you - not one ounce of it. You deserve better than that, and if you don't believe it, believe that at the very least you deserve to not be lied to and hit.

Start putting away a little bit of money at a time in a safe place. Find your local woman's shelter and hook up with a support group. They are fantastic, and will help you see how wrong this is and help you get a plan for getting out.

Good luck.

Your husband is the scum of the f*cking earth! Should you leave him? Will you regret it later? Are you serious? If you really need to ask this question, you are either deluded, or just not that bright. I don't mean to be harsh with you, but c'mon! Have a little self respect for crying out loud! He's cheated on you (don't act like you don't have proof so maybe he didn't, HE DID), he's repeatedly abused you! Move out and move on, and quit making excuses for being miserable! He doesn't deserve it.

My God! You really need to get out of the relationship. You may think that you can endure for the financial reasons, but at what price. Loss of you self-esteem from being beaten and made to think it's your fault for "pushing his buttons"?

DO NOT have children with this man, leave as soon as you can. You'll get a little something, financially, out of the divorce. But, most importantly, you will walk away with your life and be able to rebuild your confidence.

Any woman, regardless of how they look, deserves to be loved. And love is not beating, cheating and sneaking around. Love is holding, kissing, making love, being faithful, honest and open with your partner.

It's far better to be alone for a while and search for that man than to continue to endure what this relationship holds for you.

Please, please get out of there. It won't be easy, but you'll be very glad you did in the end.