Yahoo Answers is shutting down on May 4th, 2021 (Eastern Time) and beginning April 20th, 2021 (Eastern Time) the Yahoo Answers website will be in read-only mode. There will be no changes to other Yahoo properties or services, or your Yahoo account. You can find more information about the Yahoo Answers shutdown and how to download your data on this help page.

Family issues...busy life...grandparents not being able to see the kids.?

We are very busy, my husband works 50 hours + a week, I attend school on Tuesday 12-9, Wednesday 8-5, Thursday 8-5, and Friday 8-2. We have one vehicle and phone between the 2 of us and my son attends preschool m-f 11-3. The only free day we have is Monday. We are having difficulty visiting relatives. My family is very angry at me because they haven't seen the kids in a few weeks. I really don't know what to say to them. I just don't have the time. How can I explain this to them. I feel really bad but I don't know where to fit it in and sharing a car makes it very difficult for me to take the kids to visit relatives. I feel like they should try to get a hold of us instead of getting mad and calling other people about it. Today they went to my mil house because she babysits on Tuesdays so that they could visit the kids and apparently complained that we are keeping the children from them. I just don't know what to do.

I would really like to chew them out which I might have a talk with my parents but my grandparents are elderly and I don't want to hurt their feelings (I used to let them keep the kids one day a week but recently my grandfather has had some medical issues and they really are too old to watch the kids)

Any ideas on what to say to let them know that they will just have to plan ahead and possibly come get us or visit at our home. If I try to invite them they get all weird or when I try to work out when they can come it seems if it isn't right that second or whenever they exactly want to they are mad. I can't be in two places at once but I can't seem to get that through their head.

Update:

I would give it to my family but she babysits while I am in school and they won't do that. They want me to be present during the visits.

6 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Show them in black and white your schedule. and have that talk with them. They can come visit you or come pick you up. What's their problem.

  • 1 decade ago

    When you try to set things up and they are put out by that they aren't being very caring people. While it may hurt you may have to put them on the back burner and let them stew by themselves. If they are not going to be considerate enough to hear why you have the problems you are having you may have to cut them off for a while. Harsh, yes, but when they call about it just say well, we're still here you can visit anytime. Don't let them dump on you that way. No parent should.

  • ?
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    We have similar challenges with the in laws. They think that we have to drop everything or that we don't have anything of our own to do that we should be following life according to their schedule and speed - after all most of them are non-working moms, work at home dads and retired people. For goodness sakes, they have to respect your situation. I have found that simply not communicating is better than getting into a fight because they will always say that we are wrong but they don't offer any solutions for making it easier either since they don't want to come to our home at all and especially not at a time when it is convenient for us. In laws are weird because they want to control your life and to have everything go the way they feel is good for them. But, you have to live your own life and they have to let go to a distance. It's hard but you have to stand your ground. Mom's stress level is important and you need to remember that you simply can't do it all. Kids change everything and it changes how much free time you have - that's life. They have to get over it but it will be an ongoing battle. I mean - if they saw the kids 3 times a week they would still complain but they wouldn't want to live with you or you with them right? My in laws are also too elderly to take proper care of our children and there are safety issues in the homes of all of our in laws since we have a child with developmental delays. But, we can't tell them that. I wish we could be honest and open but they never agree and will say we're wrong. If I ask for the slightest thing, my in laws are offended and say I'm wrong. If I ask - when we come over can you move the wine rack to an area where my DD son can't get to it? She gets angry that we would force her to do anything different than she normally does. They only thing that has worked for us is to simply be diplomatic about things and not completely telling them everything all the time. They also hate that but it's really a control issue. We usually just wait until they ask us to do this or that and then kindly let them know that it is not possible due to work, school etc... It's never worth fighting the in laws. Friends tell me that it takes a good 10 years of marriage before you even begin to feel comfortable in relating to each other. I just don't understand it, I mean my husband and I don't have these issues and I love him but I can't get along with them. It's just the way it is - you can't get it through their heads so you just deal with it as it comes. That's how I've found it to work best. Remember the Lion King phrase - Hakunah metata - it's like what will be will be. Let it roll off your back as much as possible and just be positive when talking to them and don't always follow through on what they want. We do that too which also aggravates them. Like well say yeah - we'll call you to set something up and then we don't. Or, great - let me get home and check the calendar and let you know - then drop the matter. Oh, well. On some occasions, I say I'm going to show up - and then I just don't show up and the kids go with dad or someone else.

  • 1 decade ago

    Is it possible for your parents to bring them to have a family potluck dinner once a week, so you are not totally responsible. If not once a week, maybe every other week, or cycle between your home, your parents home, and your grandparents home, so some pressure is taken off you. Maybe a breakfast one week, lunch another, dinner a third, but let them bring something to feel they're still participating.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • ?
    Lv 4
    5 years ago

    Any family could be waiting to stay in a house if that's what they % to do. The form of persons in a residing area does rely, besides the undeniable fact that it additionally has to do with what may be afforded. you comprehend properties, residences, trailers, condos, all of them are available in distinctive sizes. in simple terms on account that's a "domicile" does no longer mean it has various area. yet definite, in case you have a super form of persons residing jointly, then you definately do prefer various room. (Take it from somebody who lived in a house with six persons) You by no capacity have sufficient loos.

  • 1 decade ago

    screw them. let them come to you if they want to see the kid. your not a taxi service.

    grandparents are overrated anyways.

    i would personally take the time away from mil and give it to your family though. maternal grandparents are more important.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.