Do you feel like you have a primal bond with your bio parents?

No.

I met my biomom. i thanked her for not aborting me. i asked about family medical history, i asked about relatives.

i gained a cousin who i really like now.

but no, no deep primal bond.

my mom is my mom. that is the woman who raised me and demonstrably took care of me.

i wish the woman who gave birth to me well. i dont love her though. i dont wish her ill, but have no secert bond i need to support with an ongoing relationship.

everyone is different I guess.

I was not adopted, and was raised entirely by my biological parents.

I do love them very much, and think they're great people. But I honestly don't feel our bond at a primal level; we actively have to work to stay connected. That's especially true of myself and my mom, because she and I are just really different. Sometimes it takes quite a bit of effort to understand each other, and I still don't always get where she's coming from-- and I know she would say the same about me.

I also don't look like anyone in my biological family at all. Somehow I got a weird combination of genes, so I have quite a few features my family can't even figure out the origin of. So the idea of looking at someone and seeing my own features reflected back is also a fairly abstract one for me.

I'm not sure that someone who isn't adopted can totally understand that experience, so I might feel more of a primal bond if I had a point of comparison with another family. Just to be fair.

But when we're talking about my family, no. There's a bond, but it's one we work at on a consistent basis, and we aren't really super alike. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, though. My life doesn't have to be effortless to be good.

ETA: I'm not entirely sure why some posters are trying to dictate to the asker what she feels about her own family? Everyone is entitled to their own emotions, whether or not they're adoptees. No one appreciates being told by a stranger that they're wrong about their emotions, and to do so is presumptuous. Can we not just talk about our own feelings, without another person putting their spin on what someone/everyone SHOULD feel? Before you make a judgment like that, can you try to remember how much you hate being on the receiving end?

The question is do you FEEL a primal bond. Which can only be answered by the person him/herself.

I grew up with my grandmother. Which happens to be my dad's mom. I never really knew my bio mom and now I am about to be 31. My dad was always in my life even though he didn't raise me and I love him so much and still consider him my dad. My bio mom on the other hand, was never in my life. She would call about once or twice a year to talk to me and my sister and I have even got to see her a few times since I have grown up, but I just don't have any kind of feelings for her what so ever or even care to! I don't know if it's because she was never around to form a bond, or if I just have so much hatred built up toward her for not being there. I don't even consider her as my mom or even family. Sometimes I think it would just be best if sh never called. I feel horrible about the way I feel about her, but I just can't help it.

My father was a hard man to love. He made many mistakes in his life time and wounded a lot of people. I always wished he was a different man than who he was, but the bottom line is he was my father. I had a bond with him. I loved him even though I didn't like him.

My daughter and I have a bond. A very close bond. She spent 28 years away from me and we can not get enough of each other. Is it a mother daughter bond, no. It is a family bond, a familiarity, that draws us to one another. She is also totally committed to her parents. Those are the people who kept her from harm, fed and clothed her, loved her through all her insanity as a teenager.

Her father knew of her but did not meet her until a year and a half ago. Within seconds of being introduced they both admitted feeling a strong love for one another, even though they both thought it was crazy, they admitted it was true. They have been working on their relationship ever since. Do they have a bond, yup, they most definately do. It will no doubt grow stronger as they spend more time together, just as mine and my daughters did, but the feeling of family and love was there even seconds after being introduced.

The "primal wound"/bond which is spoken about in adoption is with the first mother. We were connected to her body for 9 months. We knew her. While some newborns do recognize their father's voices right after birth, too, it's the natural mother we ALL recognize before and after birth. That's not an adoptee thing, that's a human thing.

For most adoptees, myself included, they primarily miss their mothers. I thought of my first mom every day, but my f dad, maybe once a month.

I am bonded with all four of my parents. My relationship is very different with all of them, but there is a primal/genetic/all knowing bond with my n mom.

Again, if you are NOT adopted, you do not know what this is like. If you grow up with your natural parents, they are your parents, and you dont give it a second thought. There are many outside influences that factor in, also. If your parents had a rocky relationship, and you never saw him again, there may have been subtle things your mother said about him that gave you the idea he's "not family".

I am not related to any of the people in my a family. I ove the people they are and want them in my life even if we werent related on paper.

I love this answer by an ap:

"It goes to show-no one gets to pick their relatives."

This is so ironic, it's high-larious. Really??? Yet you say your children are "chosen". pffft.

If we could pick our relatives, it would be the ones were are related to.

The act of prayer or worship has been scientifically proven to release endorphins through the human body, making the worshiper feel good. Thus, it is good for the person praying. Psychic experimentation by the United States military has gotten some results, as well as certain experiments in the private sector. Thus, if you pray, and you feel good about it, it makes you feel that "God" is going to help, and may actually cause the results you want.

Lori A answered...but im going to take it a step further.

my bond with lori was very primal. my entire life i could FEEL her. i knew she needed me, wanted me and loved me. when we met, we had some trust isses, but these were learned responses to our individual lives. she is my soul mate. we share a brain, we finish each others sentences, we answer the same questions with the same answer-even if we are accross the state. its down right eerie. as she said....its not so much a mother/daughter bond, its almost stronger. so YES. i think primal if a perfect word for it.

my biofather...i honestly thought he had forgotten about me. when i was proven wrong....a whole new world opened up. we are not as close as lori and i are. (to be honest...i dont think its possible to be closer than lori and i) we dont chat for hours or tell deep dark secrets. but its a solid real bond. and she isnt lying-within SECONDS i felt it. and so did he. it literally feels like that missing piece finally finding its way into place. he gives me strength and comfort. although he is a man of very few words...i can sense how he loves me. it almost eminates from him. ours is more stark, pure and raw bonds. that type of blind faith one has in religion. you cant see it, little evidence of it-but it looms and consumes you.

i have a great afamily. it took me years to realize that. but i do now. as much as we are commited to one another, its not as deep as my bios. we are just different type of people. no ones fault. but i am 100% devoted to them.

im lucky, i have been given the opportunity to love and commit to ALL my parents. and they me.

My mom has the social skills of a 13 year old... you know the type. I feel more like a sister to her. I moved far away and I do really miss, her, but I've always missed having a "mom" even when I did live with her.

With my mother, yes I do. It's what led me back to her and we are two peas in a pod.

I have been unable to locate my father, but there is not such a strong pull.

I'm very close to my adoptive family too but I don't know why adoptees need to keep justifying that when they speak of their birth families (shrugs)

You probably can't identify it because of your family dynamics. Although you say you don't feel anything for your bio dad......don't underestimate how your relationship/lack of a relationship with him has distorted your views.

Many people don't get or see it until they are older...its usually but not always after many failed relationships.

"Maybe its because I'm not adopted or what my extended bio family has put me through but I would replace them in a heart beat and not give it a second thought."

Be careful for what you wish for. Your feelings/issues have nothing to do with adoption. Your just projecting them on to this topic.

I think the primal bond is evident with children/adults that forgive abusive natural parents easily.