Friend of 2 years getting married... Bridezilla!?

I have been where you are!

Been in the wedding planning business now for years, and because of this whenever I know someone getting married, they want me to help. I'm always excited for them but I've learned the hard way- it's just doesn't work. It seems like you already have that impending feeling of the thankless grunt-work ahead if you remain a part of it. You're right, they will do the planning and rely on you for the laborous and tedious... than when things don't go right- you'll be held responsible!

Your friend loves that her daughter is excited, and she has given this 19 year old child way too much room, and credit. OF COURSE this young girl is not qualified in planning, color, decor, budget, etiquette, romance or even life to do this well.

I suggest that you get out of the planning realm of this. Your friend will not begrudge you if you find the right way to tell her. And you will find the weight of the world lifted from your shoulders!

Simply tell your friend that you are so excited for her, but you are realizing that her daughter is really enjoying the planning process and that there is not reason or room for you. Include that you are happy to see her and daughter being able to do this together, and that you will be the most excited friend and GUEST at her event.

Than, once things begin to unravel- which they will, and if you've remained close, she will confide this to you- have the name/website of a wonderful planner who can step in. I suggest the professional because once she has realized her daughter is in over her head- she will need a professional!!!

You are one person, you do NOT need the incredible stress involved especially when you are not being paid. Let the paid professional pick up the pieces.

I hope you take my advice- because I can tell you are a good friend and do not deserve the carelessness you will endure if you remain on board.

oh- I'm sorry that some of those who are answering your question are being so judgmental. They are in the same boat as the 19 year old, so don't take their "advice" to heart:)

I'm not really sure what the problem is here, except for the fact that you feel left out of the planning. While you may have discussed having you plan the wedding, things change. That does not mean you are entitled to do so, and if you really want to help plan the wedding, simply be grateful that she's letting you take part in any of it - dress shopping, helping with the invitations, etc. Having you call the honeymoon location for her is exactly what a planner does - so I'm not sure what the problem is there, and the same goes for the e-mailing of pictures to various people. If you're at work, ignore the texts until you're home - that's an extremely simple solution that you should have thought of already. I don't really see where you're being taken advantage of...since you already complained that she's not letting you plan as much as you'd expected to.

Just let it go. You're really stressing over nothing, and I really don't think she's bring a bridezilla at all.

I think you're in a bit of a tight spot. You already told her initially that you wanted to be 'the planner' and so now, she is giving you things to do that she doesn't want to be bothered with, and also tagging on some of other unnecessary things (like sending the pictures to people) because you were so willing to help. She doesn't seem to care that you wanted to do the overall planning, she is allowing her daughter to do that (which is her choice) and only letting you in where she would like it or need it when it suits her. So in the end, she is giving you what you wanted (the chance to 'plan' things) but on her terms.

If she ignored your concerns when you mentioned that you feel she is taking advantage of you, then don't help her anymore. It is not up to you to drive her anywhere or send pictures etc. to anyone. She is using you for your help where it works for her, and you want the opportunity to do it all, or nothing. So you have two choices - either keep helping as you are now, at her beck and call (since all the things you are doing you would have had to do anyway if you really were planning it all right?) or tell her that it's not something you are interested in anymore and to speak to her daughter if she needs help, and then stand by your word and don't help/give input etc on anything to do with the wedding.

I'm not sure I see a big problem, aside from the fact that things are moving very fast. As you said you wanted to be the planner for this wedding, but you seem upset at anything she asks you to help with? Your upset that her daughter wants to have control over the wedding when it seems like that is exactly what you want, control over your friends wedding. She hasn't asked you to do anything out of the ordinary yet. If it's only been a week or two and you already can't handle it with the help of the daughter maybe you should back out now?

Stop planning for her... Give her your ideas and advice but stop doing the actual labor work... Her daughter obviously wants all control so let her have it :)

Your friend should definitely be more respectful to you and HERSELF... She shouldn't let her daughter run her wedding...

However, she seems to be overwhelmed in this planning and is looking to reach out to whoever is willing to help...

Another thing... Do you see a pattern? Her daughter is taking advantage of her and her decisions, so she is falling back on you and taking advantage of you... It's a vicious cycle :)

Since you already tried talking to her about it, I would just back off some... When she questions it, you can try explaining it to her again, but I don't know how well it will sink in.... But, you can tell her that you feel just like a Wedding Planner opposed to a good friend trying to help plan her friend's wedding.... She is looking at you more as a "job" than a friend...

Good luck and don't let others take advantage of you

I'd say that you should thank your lucky stars that her daughter took over most of the planning! Whew! Can you imagine what you'd be going through if you had to handle all of the details? You wouldn't be able to work at work at all!

Your response to her depends on whether you want to stay her friend. You can blow her off and really piss her off or you can try to do most of what she wants and keep her as a friend hoping that she'll get back to normal after the wedding.

If you're going to stay involved, then make it clear to her that you have limits and stick to them: you won't take calls during work, you won't go out of your way to accommodate last minute schedule adjustments or other changes, and so on. If she continues to disregard those, then tell her you're sorry, but she's just going to have to find someone more flexible to help out.

(Don't be too hard on her about the whole daughter thing, though. She's the one who has to deal with the consequences of not being able to put her foot down and act like the mom, including alienating her friends. In fact, you could make one of your conditions that you'll only accept the final word from her; maybe it'll help give her back her backbone.)

I know she "promised" that you'd help her, but it's pretty obvious that things have changed and her daughter is helping her now.

All I see ahead for you is aggravation and hurt feelings. If you're a masochist, take what crumbs you're being thrown - which sounds like the things her daughter doesn't want to do. You need to back away from this situation. Now.

It sounds like she wants you when she needs a driver - let her daughter do it.

If she texts or calls you at work, ignore them until you have a break.

Good Luck & ((hugs))

Well you know my opioion on Barbie, I feel she uses you anyway, but you having a heart of gold like me," always taking things in stride, but on the real side...I would say the hell with it and just be let her daughter do it and lets plan your wedding..I know it was a hard day for all of us yesterday, but we must remember he is in a better place...We never hear him complaining, but always letting us know when he is around us when things are falling apart...I love you and your the best so don't let this wdding stuff get to you...keep smiling...

Well, maybe you shouldn't have volunteered to plan everything, then, if you're concerned about her "using" you. I agree she's a little off her rocker... Engaged 10 days and has everything booked. lol.