What got you active in reform, and how to motivate others?

There are so many ways to become an activist, but the first step, and one that is often the most difficult for mothers, is to tell someone, out loud and with a strong and clear voice, that you are the mother of a child lost to adoption. That statement, not as an apology and not in a whisper but spoken out loud, is the most difficult hurdle that a mother must make to get past the shame that the industry counts on to keep her silent.

There are many different kinds of activism; not everyone is able or capable of marching outside the courthouse with a sign. Sometimes a simple phone call to a legislator, or a letter, or signing a petition. There are a number of suggestions at the link below. They are for senior activist, but the principle applies to all...

My foray into activism was a progression after I found and reunited with my son - 18 years ago. I found the search and reunion experience to be so overwhelmingly emotional, that it was difficult for me to give my attention to righting the wrongs. It was challenging enough to deal with the the emotional rollercoaster both my son and I were on for the first several years.

At some point however, I came to understand that what had happened to us had happened to millions of other first mothers and their children and that there was an effort being made to to reform the current adoption system. As I became stronger in my convictions and confidence, I was able to begin speaking out to my own legislators, go to marches and join in efforts to make change.

I think we have to respect that often people need to deal with their own adoption experience before they can jump into activism. I also have noticed that a large majority of people who search and reunite, aren't even aware that they can make a difference or what they can do. Especially the people who are able to complete their search much more quickly with the help of online search help and support. Often they find their lost family member and just move on.

I agree with Sly - we need to tell our stories wherever we can. For years I felt shame about having a child that I was told I was unable to raise so I hid that fact from all but my closest friends and family. Now when I share my story, more often than not, the person tells me that either they or someone they know well has had a similar experience - lost a child to adoption or is adopted.

As more of us speak up and go public, I would hope others would be compelled to do what they can to give back and help others by at least contacting their own legislators. The reality is however, that many people aren't ever going to be interested in activism - it's just not in their dna to rock the boat IMO.

Wow. What a great question! I searched & found my 1st mom in 1983. My birth father in 1986. Back then I felt like I was breaking the law. The search group that I belonged to was focused on helping with the search, not on activism.

It wasn't until I stumbled upon Y!A that I found out about the push for open records, for adoption reform or even that there were others like me who felt as strongly as I do about adoption. Right now, this is the place I voice my "activism".

Before Y!A, I guess I didn't have a voice. As an adoptee, I was silent. I pretended to be nothing but grateful. I learned to shut up. I felt lucky to have found (and a tad bit naughty). And still occasionally annoyed b/c although my 1st mom wanted to get me a copy of my OBC (I have a handwritten letter from her saying so) & I know what's ON my OBC, I can't have it.

Like you, I'm not sure I have the power to make a difference.

So I commend all those who DO push for change. All who have educated me here. I'm honored and grateful to and proud of the adoptees who've shared their knowledge, experiences and wisdom.

And maybe...just maybe...your question will be the thing that pushes me into activism. Because I hadn't considered it before. Because I didn't know my voice mattered.

1.) What was it that made you take the jump into activism?

After I reunited with daughter and educating myself about surrender and adoption during the BSE.

2.) What are some ways to motivate others to get them involved?

I can only offer suggestions for mothers...I believe there is a stage process to be worked thru before one can become an activist..first they must come out of the closet (if they are still in hiding), then they have to find a way to work thru their grief, guilt, sadness and fear, hopefully with the support from other mothers who have been there, done that. For many mothers these feelings can be paralyzing. To be able to talk freely of how they lost their baby/child to adoption. To fully acknowledge to themselves they are Human Mothers and that their silence only helps the adoption industry and to further cement the stereotypical myths of natural mothers who have surrendered a baby/child to adoption. I believe Fear is the hardest feeling to overcome, but once fear is overcome...anything is possible!

I was motivated to write my first "letter to the editor" after reading a three page article in my local paper in 1985. The article was about sealed records, and how surrendering mothers don't want to be found "because it reminds them of a bad time in their life."

I wrote about how I didn't want to surrender my child, and that I would love to know him again. My letter was printed. My son was then 17 years old.

We were reunited when he was 21. I joined a support group and started working with others, and started working in natural family preservation and also in records access.

I agree with "Keepin' my thumbs to myself".

Being rude, condescending, belittling, and grotesque is not the way to educate others. That will either encourage people to keep doing what you're so against. And then, that's just pointless.

"how to motivate others?"

i can tell you that seething at the mouth and nit picking the crap out of people is not the way to do it (not saying that's what YOU do) . They will resist and run the other way.

Sometimes it hard to get that it's about TODAY'S children over all the barking.

being molested by my a"dad".

telling my story.