Why do the saddest anniversaries have such impact on our lives.?

((((((((((Gorgeoustx)))))))))))))

I had no idea!

Why an anniversary like this would leave such a devastating impact on your life does not perplex me at all. You were young, you tried to show kindness to someone (as people in their early 20s often do), and in return, you received a heinous act of malice in return. Sickos such as your rapist are obsessed with power and control. Heartless sociopaths incapable of love, they see other people as nothing more than means with which to gratify their own cravings, and discard them when they are no longer of any *use.* Miserable and jealous, they seek nothing more than to destroy the lives of others and rob them of the happiness they themselves cannot feel.

Remember, though, that this is what your rapist wants. To devastate your life, rob you of your ability to love or show kindness, and in effect, turn you into himself. (And believe me, I know what sociopaths are like. I lived with one for 11 years. My biological "father" is one).

Whatever you do, the most important thing is to not let the rapist win. Become the person you want to become, achieve in life what it is that that monster doesn't want you to have. Only this will allow you to let go of much of your hatred for your attacker. And always keep in mind, nothing would make him more miserable than knowing he lost. Sociopaths care about one thing and one thing only: winning. To them, nothing else matters.

And don't think for a second that I "could not care less." I do realize that those I meet here are real people, not emotionless characters comprised of pixels on a computer screen.

No need to apologize for your post. We all have a need to interact feel a connection with others. You definitely made the right choice to post this question.

God bless!

(((((((((((Gorgeoustx)))))))))))))

I cannot identify with how you feel. I've been fortunate enough to never have undergone such a horrific experience. I can only offer you my sympathies and hope that you can find the strength to overcome it.

Memories are a crazy thing. Trauma seems so much stronger than joy. I remember happy times in my life - I've had so many of them. But more than that, I remember crashing my motorcycle in a left-hand turn on MO125 in October of 2006. Every time I ride that road I have to maintain more focus on that specific turn than any other so that I don't start thinking about what I did wrong and crash again. Every time I round that turn I can point out the exact spot where I lost control and ended up breaking my neck and hand and losing my favorite bike. It's just something that stays with you.

As little harmony as there is in this section of Y!A, I hope you at least feel that there are people who genuinely care because you're human. Try to have a good day anyway. Thanks for sharing.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through all this. I hope both of you are on a depression management regimen (medication/counseling). If you're not, start there. Maybe all you need is couple's therapy? There's a lot of mixed reviews on it but if you feel there is some good in you and your partner that is worth saving, you could try that. When making a decision to break up, it might be a good idea to list the good traits and bad traits of you and your partner. There should be a balance between the two of you and if there isn't, that list can help you see where you need to improve. Bad relationships are very difficult to get out but the first step is recognizing you definitely want/need out from it. Sometimes you just need to end things and not look back. We can't burden ourselves with having to feel like we need to stay and be miserable in order to keep someone happy (or semi happy in this case). Much luck to you and your girlfriend- I hope things work out the way you want them to.

Be an inspiration to others. What happened to you was terrible, but there are others much younger than you who went through the same and may end up feeling the way you feel today. Maybe you should consider reaching out to these young girls and help them. In this process you may also help yourself.

You touched me this morning. May I suggest you read a book entitled "Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl. I think you will also find much help in those pages.

I hope you find the peace you need.

{{{GTW}}} I don't have any answers for you, I'm sorry. I had a much milder sort of experience and even that affected me for many years. Talking about it can help. An understanding friend or a therapist could do you a world of good. No one can undo what has happened and the repercussions it caused, but you can begin to see that you have choices, including the choice to be happy. (Some call that forgiveness, but I don't like to use that word for inexcusable acts.)

Memories are strongly attached to emotion. The more emotionally impacted you are, the more strongly you will be addicted to this emotion in the future.

Forgiveness, as impossible as it seems, is the key to letting go. He has probably paid for this unsightly act over and over again. Karma is a ***** ya know?

Keep Strong! Do not let him have power over you still!

I am sorry for your painful expereince. Something like this will stay with you for a lifetime and it's only time that will heal you.

Remember to focus on the anniversaries that bring you happiness. Birthdays, wedding anniversaries....it's not just the painful ones that we remember.

Here's a big hug from crazy old Gandalf. Luv u, GTW.

That's terrible! I'm sorry to hear that. Even I don't have it in me to say anything insulting to you.

Here is a star though. It's the least I can do.

I can't say anything except I'm sorry you had to go through that. Anniversaries of things affect us all differently. I'm here if you need me.

(((((((((((((Tex))))))))))))))))))