Invitation-only wedding?

I think I'm the only person who understands what you mean. Sad that most people think of the "wedding" as the reception only!

I know in the Catholic Church that anyone can attend the Wedding Mass, since all services in the church are open to anyone, whether they belong to the parish/congregation or not! But the thing is, 99% of the time, people who are not specifically invited to the wedding do not attend because it would seem rude, or make the bride/groom feel guilty for not inviting them (if they know them).

At my first wedding, the mother of a close friend came to the church to see me get married even though she wasn't invited (as I barely knew her). Truth be told, I felt uncomfortable. Recently, a friend of my sister's attended our brother's wedding (Church only), even though she was not invited. Again, we all felt uncomfortable. It's just bad form.

You are quite right that for traditional Christian weddings, the ceremony is technically a public event. Nearly all churches explicitly require that the wedding be recognized as a worship service and that no-one be turned away. You aren't just renting the space as you would the Legion hall: it is still a church and the ceremony is a service of the church. Most people who either don't (or rarely) attend church, or who attend but aren't engaged in worship planning or church management, do not realize that; and it is largely irrelevant because there usually aren't many people interested in going to the weddings of strangers.

Where people are regular members of the church where they marry, the banns are usually published and parishioners are aware that this is a fellow church-member getting married, and it is quite common for them to attend the service. And they're usually entirely welcome: the church is after all as much or more theirs than it is the bride and grooms!

The reception is different, of course: that is a private event unless it is held in the churchyard or narthex immediately after the service. And, for celebrity weddings, the church may make a special exception to close the service purely for security and crowd control: when Wayne Gretzky married Janet Jones in the Roman Catholic cathedral, for example, guests had to show their invitations to security in order to get in.

In many jurisdictions, even civil ceremonies must be technically "public": the marriage regulations may state that the ceremony must take place in a public building, or that the ceremony room must have the door left open. But again, it is generally a technicality. How many people really haunt the courthouse looking for civil weddings to crash?

Im wondering what part of the country you are from?

Because Ive been to several wedding ceremonies in a church, and none of them were public events. I suppose a parishioner could have slipped into the back row, but I did not notice it. Generally the people invited to the wedding ceremony are also invited to the reception afterwards.

♥ Besides the fact that all weddings are invite only... I think you may be talking about the invite actually being brought to the wedding & someone making sure they are truly invited. If thats the case... I've only heard of it once. My friend & her fiance are actually planning on an invitation only (the invite has to be brought & checked at the door) wedding. This is only because her fiance's ex-wife tries to cause alot of problems not just between them but between the man & his sons. She think b/c she is the mother of his children that she has some sort of control over him. They've been broken up for over 10 years now and somehow she still thinks this. When my friend & her fiance announced their engagement she threatened to ruin (crash) the wedding. So they are only doing it so their service doesn't get ruined.

I have never been to any wedding that was not by invitation only. I would never dream of setting foot in a wedding to which I was not specifically invited unless it was made very clear that “everyone” is welcome. But I do understand that in some communities it is normal for the whole congregation to show up to watch one of their own get married. I suppose it depends on what your local customs are and whether you are part of a tight-knit church community that regularly practices this.

I don't quite understand your question...do you mean that you have to bring the invite and show it at the door to get in? If so- NO, I've never heard of that. All weddings are by invitation only in the sense that you are formally invited...otherwise you do not attend.

However, at some receptions there will be someone checking your name off the list as you enter and that has to do with limited seating/plates available and the guests whom never bothered to RSVP showing up. I suppose it might even be a security issue occasionally.

I think most weddings are invitation-only. I have heard of open ceremonies in which everyone who is a member of the church congregation can attend, and that might be common in your area, but most weddings are attended only by guests who received formal written invitations.

I've never heard of an open wedding. All the weddings I have been to, or invited to have been invitation only. It's kind of rude to just show up to someone's wedding, at least in my eyes.

I consulted my Miss Manners [aka Judith Martin] and she says that a church wedding is as open to the congregation as any other church service. From this I would infer that if the church's services are "everyone welcome" then that includes marriage services. In another section, Miss Manners says that we don't invite people to a church service since it is God's House, not our house. We say "the honour of the presence of ____ at the marriage ... " to ask people to witness a sacrament at God's House. We say "the pleasure of the company of ______ is requested at a small dance to celebrate the marriage ..." to ask people to come to our party.

This doesn't really answer your question, but I just love Miss Manners. Thanks for an interesting topic.

I thought all weddings were invitation only. I would never try to show up to a wedding I was not invited to or at least someones plus one.