A.mom passed away - why am I crying?

Because as a good person with a good heart deep down you cared about her. It is something that abused children still do to both of their parents no matter how much they hurt you how bad they made you feel no matter how many failed suicide attempts you made to get away from them you still love them because you are a good person

Shadow She was a Cain Terrier and she was with us 13 year's .She died in my arm's as I listened to her heart beat for the last time .Yes I still cry and I guess I always will . Shadow loved to play on fhe slide's at the park she would climb the latter and go down the slide . Sometimes she came down upside down but she always went again . She loved the baby swings too . She like to play puppy in the middle , hide the puppy . catch and the snow oh my she loved to run her nose into the snow . I know that she is where all good doggies go must be so huge there cause all doggies are good . Just some owners arnt so good . By the way we bought her at a yard sale where she was seperated from the litter and the mother because she was doomed for death they said she was stupid . Cost $ 10.00 but I tell you that was the best value I have ever got out of a 10 spot . My Dad made her a casket and we buried her under a huge evergreen tree .

First of all, I want to tell you how sorry I am that you never had a good relationship with your adopted mom. Even though you did not have a relationship with her, and you did everything you could to "mend the fences" you are most likely grieving the loss of someone that you called "mom" even though that relationship was not healthy. Allow yourself to grieve, no matter the reason, it is healthy for you. You could be grieving the loss of not having a relationship as well. however, don't feel guilty at all, it seems like you did everything that you could to restore that relationship.

Maybe you're crying over the idea of losing a "mom-like" person. Since you haven't said if you have a relationship with your biological mother, maybe you're upset that your adopted mom was all the mom you had and you're mourning the loss of the possible potential and/or hope you had for a good relationship with your adopted mom. On the contrary, It could also be a cry of relief that the person who was abusive to you is now gone to never cause you such personal pain. Either way, you know you tried to be a good daughter and be happy with that.

Even though she was not your biological mother, she had the role of mother in your life. We want/need certain things from our mothers...even if we never get them.

She's dead now, and it is totally normal to grieve for what never was. People do it all the time...so go ahead. You'd be doing the same thing if she was your biological parent. This happens in biological relationships all the time too.

You may be crying for yourself as a child, you may be just having a physical response to an emotional upset....the loss of a parent, even a bad one, is traumatic at any age.

It is frustrating that after all your work she still in a sense had the last word..and that isn't petty...

What you need to try and remember is to not fall into the dead=saint trap. I'm not saying bask in what a bad mother she was to you, but remember that just because she's dead, doesn't make what she did to you less real, less valid...or your fault now that she is dead.

Do not allow this woman to manipulate you from the grave...be sad, do what you need to do.

I am sorry for your pain.

No matter what, she was the "mother" that raised you. Just because she seemed to have no heart where you were concerned doesn't mean that you have no heart.

Let the tears and grief come. Do whatever it takes to make you feel better. Maybe even write her a letter letting out all of the feelings you have. Just start writing until you can write no more....then put up ot burn the letter, which ever feels right.

Maybe just take a day or so to remember who she was, good and bad.

Whatever you decide to do, allow yuorself to feel whatever you feel, cry what ever...just take care of you.

*HUGS*

She was part of your life so matter what the relationship she was still your mother. I am so sorry you are feeling like this ((((hugs)))). Maybe the tears will have a healing effect on you, I hope so.

Because you care more than you realize---the same reason children cry when their biological mom dies---even tho that mom abused and neglected them. She was a real part of your life-----she just didn't know how to parent in a healthy way.

I think you loved her, I think you wished it could have been different, that you could have found a way to connect,[sometimes we can't].

I think it boils down to you LOVED her and wish she could and would have reached out to you. I'm so sorry. The tears are healthful though .

God bless you.

I am sorry. :0( Even when a mom is a bad mom I think when they pass we still grieve to some extent. I think that is just normal. Just let yourself grieve it is okay even though she wasn't a good person. :0(

I like the way Heather Leigh put it: what should have been. She SHOULD have been loving and nurturing, she SHOULDN'T have been abusive. Even though you knew there was no chance of ever having a good relationship with her, this makes it final. Now, there is no chance, whatsoever, that she will ever be the mother she should have been.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Grieving is difficult enough without adding in the confusion and pain of past abuse. (((HUG))) Take gentle care of your precious self.

grieving for what could have been, and what should have been, in your relationship. grieving for the situation, that you were put in a family where you weren't able to bond...and now it's too late, she's gone. grieving for the fact that you weren't kept in your natural family and able to grow up with your natural mother and experience life in a way that the rest of the world gets to experience.