have you experienced postponed grief?

yes. I was seriously physically abused when I was 4 months by my adoptive parents and was sent to ER. I was then placed in a foster home and then adopted out again.

Then when I was only 9 my foster brother got kicked out, this broke my heart. We got a kitten shortly after and I suddenly would get totally enraged when I saw her and go into a seizure type state and try to strangle my kitten, i would come out of this trance and start shaking and crying. I wanted to kill myslef because I thought I was so horrible and I also thought I was to blame for my brother being kicked out. I stopped and the cat lived and has forgiven me. I love animals by the way.

I mentioned it to a psychologist I was going to for anxiety and depression when I was about 14. She told me that the trauma of my brother leaving brought up a whole heap of memories that are deep in an infants brain, including the abuse. I had been reinacting what happened to me when I was 4 months old and that it was part of post traumatic stress. . I was so relieved I cried for days. I never cried so much my whole life.

The only postponed grief that I have experienced is when my dad (adoptive) died. It had nothing to do with with my adoption. What it did have to do with was the fact that a lot of people I knew at the time, said, I should not be grieving so I could be there for my mom. I did this, and a year or so later, I lost it, because I needed to grieve his loss as well. I could understand why this woman could have been sad about not having her bio dad at her wedding. If my adopted dad had died before I got married, it would have been hard for me as well, however, it would not be because of adoption. I understand that some adopted children have problems of grief like what you are saying. However, it does not necessarily have to do with adoption. The story you are saying doesn't. She was not adopted away from her birth dad.

After I gave up my daughter, my feelings of grief were in limbo (except birthdays) until I had my son 6 years later, then when I saw him, all the grief I had been supressing came back and hit me like a ton of bricks. Then I found my daughter and it started up again. 8 years into reunion finds me in a pretty good place I no longer cry when telling my story but I'll always fell the guilt.

My first father died when I was 21 months old. I have no memories of him. When I was growing up, I was more concerned with finding my first mom. I would think of my dad from time to time and think it was sad he died so young.

As an adult, I have had periods of grief about him. I guess the older I get the more I wonder what he was like annd what he would have thought of the way I have turned out and I know he would have loved having a whole passel of grandsons to take fishing and hunting.

Denial, anger, bargaining, melancholy and popularity. Denial is once you deny that the stressor inflicting you grief is fairly going on. enable's say in case you misplaced your pastime, you ought to think of that it is non everlasting or a mistake. Anger is once you already know that what took place, took place, and you ought to blame your pastime loss on somebody else. Bargaining is once you're keen to surrender something to have your pastime decrease back. melancholy is once you start to realize that it fairly is carried out and there is no longer something you're able to do approximately it, you could experience hopeless at this factor, such as you will by no ability have a job lower back. popularity is once you settle for that what took place, took place and that existence will circulate on, and there are different jobs obtainable.

Definitely.

This last Christmas was really hard for me. It was the first one where I really thought about my natural mom and thought about what she meant to me and really missed her.

This is my first year "out of the fog" so to speak.

There were a lot of things growing up that I knew about my adoption and my situation that are devastating now. I chose to not think about them much growing up. Probably as a defense mechanism. But now that I have really thought about things (like the fact that I don't know my real birthdate and TODAY could be my birthday instead of in two and a half weeks) they weigh on me a lot. You can see circles under my eyes where I never had any. I feel at least ten years older than I am.

I think things like that are triggered at Holidays or birthdays or anniversaries of something or at a huge moment in your life. Like the girl your professor was talking about. She had a dad all her life whether it was her natural or step dad didn't matter to her. She was only 3 when he died. It is hard to process grief at such a young age. I hardly remember anything from when I was 3. Anyways I think the fact that her father is supposed to walk her down the aisle is what triggered the grief because she knew it was not her n father. My fiancees father died when he was 17. We were b/f and g/f when his father passed and it wasn't until Father's day that the grief really hit him because he realized his father was gone and he couldn't celebrate father's day with him.

We recently gave our son up for adoption and while we do still get to see him, my grief didn't hit me until I had to return to the hospital a couple months later because my dad fell from a structure. Now I don't regret our decision and I'm still glad we made that decision because I see how hard it is for just us to make it and I thank God everyday for the parents who adopted our son because I know he has a loving and caring home and in Aug will have a baby sister!

The sad thing is I feel I have to post this with every answer that I put in the adoption category but oh well: I'm not depressed I don't regret my decision and I think adoption is great if it's for the right reasons.

Yes, when my son was adopted I didn't grief until I found him. It took me months before I realized that I was griefing and until that point I thought I was going mad. I wasn't and I wish I had had support long before this point to help me through it.

Yes. While I was sad and confused growing up, it was only when I had my own children did the enormity of my grief show it's face. It actually came in waves. It was even worse when I found my n Mom, but when I finally met my n family & saw firsthand what I missed, it really sunk in.

My best friends Dad died when she was 5, and her Mom never remarried. She started going through grief counseling shortly after she got married.

It makes sense, though. Many childhood victims of various traumatic experiences do not seek counseling until a much older age.