brother-in-law won't pitch in to support mother-in-law?

Question

My wife is an immigrant from Brazil. She and I met and married here in the US, and have a healthy marriage.  Her bother is also here with his wife and kids. Now, both my wife and my brother-in-law have always sent home money to support their mother, (now my mother-in-law) every month. The economy is tough for everyone. I have a secure job, but my wife has had her hours reduced sharply. Her brother, who is here on a non-work visa, works full time. In the past few months, he has stopped sending money home to his mother, and my wife and I have picked up the slack. We can't continue to do this, as I'm quickly going broke. 

 Now, my brother-in-law won't discuss the matter, because he says he has no money to send his mother. He tithes (gives 10% of his income) to a fundamentalist Protestant church). No one will even look at me when I suggest that he take the money earmarked for his church, and give it to his mother. 
    My brother in law is not selfish, per se. He spends his money on his children and his church. I leave this sort of discussion to my wife under normal circumstances- different language, different culture, and different religions make my viewpoint very different from theirs. However, I am falling behind in my bills, and can not give another penny to my mother-in-law for at least 6 weeks. I keep nothing for my family right now while my wife's pay is at a low ebb, just pay bills and keep us fed. I've already emptied our savings. 

 Any suggestions on how to either tactfully get him to start chipping in again, or, failing that, how to strongarm him without having to break his jaw?  

Thanks!

James Watkin · Answer

You cannot get into debt to help someone else.  Different culture or not, if you get you and your wife into debt helping someone out, who will help you two get out of debt.  

This is one time when you need to put your foot down and only send what you can afford once you pay your own bills.  If your wife wants to send more tell her to get a second job.

As for the bro in law, you cannot make him do it so stressing about it only hurts you.

HEIDI · Answer

Whoa, what a tough one!!!!  I hear your pain loud and clear.  I am a Pastor's wife and your suggestion about sending his 10% tithe to her makes sense to me because fundamentalist churches to not give to missions as I understand it and this is a "mission" of a sort.  I agree that you can't let your family do without while sending money to her.  This is just my opinion and I hope it helps some.

Boston · Answer

You cannot force your brother-in-law to continue sending money to his mother. It's up to him and his wife what they do with their money.  Just like it's you and your wife's choice what do do with your money.  You may want to look into some kind of social support in Brazil for your wife's mother so you don't continue going into debt.

? · Answer

Your brother in law works for his money and therefore has the right to decide where it goes.  There is no law requiring him to send money to his mother.  Getting angry with him is only making YOU look like a fool.  Just like YOU he has the right to choose how to spend his money.  It isn't his fault that your wife makes YOUR choice for you hand wants you to send YOUR money to her mother.  This is not a problem between you and your wife's brother as much as it is between you and your wife.

darkenpepper · Answer

Why Are you sending Your Mother-in-law money In the first place. you made a commitment to your wife not her family. go back and read your vows. to for sake all others.

Anonymous · Answer

i have an anal tag. is your problem bigger? i don't think so.

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brother-in-law won't pitch in to support mother-in-law?

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